Page 5

CALE

The hem of my pants dragged and scraped along the concrete. The loud sound grating. A sure sign I didn’t belong. It wasn’t until the scent of mildew and sweat and blood gave way to sage and burning wood that I realized how close we were to the front gates. How close we were to the light of the stars, to freedom. The soft, cool air hit my face and tears pooled along my lashes, daring me to blink. My feet stumbled and I had to grip the box in my hand, my fingers aching.

“This way,” a male voice said, and I forgot myself.

I glanced in the officer’s direction, and he narrowed his black eyes.

“Wait,” he ordered, and I heard Eben curse under his breath.

“Sir?” Eben stood at attention, and I tried to mirror his confidence, drowning in my uniform like a child in his father’s suit.

The man inspected the box in Eben’s hands, then mine. He was short and round, his flesh red from the sun. I thought if I reached out and touched him, his skin would feel like the pair of leather boots I had on my feet.

“Your box is open,” he said, and my arms started to shake.

“I-Is it?” I asked, keeping my eyes down like I should have done in the first place.

“Set it on the ground and turn out your pockets.”

Eben cleared his throat. “Sir… I would have seen if—”

The man dressed in militia fatigues glared at us. “Turn out your pockets too.”

I lowered the heavy box to the ground, my heart pounding like a frantic drum. I couldn’t slow my breathing, too afraid to look at Eben. Afraid of what our eyes would give away. A cold layer of sweat formed on my forehead, my fingertips numb as I pulled out my pockets. The man knelt down and rummaged through the box. I watched as he stole a few packets and stuffed them into his pockets. Fucking hypocrite. I curled my fists as he opened Eben’s box and took another few packets.

He leaned into Eben. “Say a word about this to anyone and I’ll put a bullet in your head.”

Eben’s jaw flexed. “Yes, sir.”

“Get these boxes to the wagon. There’s no time to waste.”

We both watched in silence as he walked toward the barbed-wire gates of Elysium. My breath was stuck in my throat, anger boiling in my empty stomach. This box of rations would last me three months and I had to hand them over to people who would kill me if they had the chance.

“Let’s go.” Eben lifted his box, and I did the same.

But instead of walking toward the caravan, he turned toward the trees.

“Eben,” I hissed. “Someone will see.”

“No one is paying attention.”

“How can you be sure?” I asked, looking over my shoulder.

“He would’ve been shot on sight. Officer or not, you don’t steal from the mouths of soldiers. It’s a death sentence. If anyone had seen, he’d be dead by now.”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?”

“No… what we’re doing is worse.” The shade of the pines covered us. The smell of fire and smoke and fear dissipated. “We’re traitors now.”

We walked for a few minutes in silence, nothing but the sound of our coarse breaths and the faint chaos of the camp. The voices seemed to surround us even with the tall trees as cover. I was out of the prison, but I didn’t know if we would actually escape. Pressure built behind my ribs with every inch of distance, every step of my boots, black spots dotted my vision, my mind racing. Every snapped branch underfoot was someone chasing us, the pines rustling was a body ready to pounce.

We wouldn’t make it. We couldn’t make it.

We…

“I think this is far enough,” he said and lowered his box to the ground.

I set my box on top of his, the muscles in my arms burned. I shook my hands at my side. “We’ve hardly walked a quarter of a mile, Eben; this isn’t a safe—”

“I’m going back for supplies.”

No.

No. No. No.

My heart sank into my stomach.

“You mean we’re going back for supplies.”

He shook his head and stepped close enough, I could smell the sweat on his skin. Feel the warmth radiating from his body. He was whole and here, and I refused to let him go. Eben gripped my arms and leveled me with his gaze. “No. It’s too much of a risk. It’s easier this way, if you stay here, I can move faster, no one will stop me if I’m alone.”

“Eben… it’s too dangerous. You can’t… what if… Let me come with you.”

He was silent as he reached up and removed my hat. My hair fell over my forehead and his lips twitched.

“I get it,” I said, my pulse speeding through my veins. “I’m too obvious.”

“I won’t be long. We have all the food we’ll need in these boxes, but we can’t carry it all like this. We need packs. I’ll grab a few things and come right back. I promise.”

My throat felt tight. “And what if you don’t?”

I hardly knew him, but the time he’d given me, and this last month, his kindness, his heart, it was the only real thing left in my small world. My world that had been reduced to night and dread and terror. He’d given me light, and the thought of going back to the dark hours of my life, I’d rather die inside that cell having never met him at all. I’d tasted freedom in his kiss, in the air, in these woods. I couldn’t do this alone. I couldn’t do this without him.

“Then you keep walking, Cale. You find the NEA camp. You take your life back. You were never meant to die here.” Eben rested his strong hand against my face. I closed my eyes as tears spilled onto my cheeks and stung the cracks on my lips. “I’ll be back as fast as I can.”

EBEN

Soldiers hooked the horses to the wagons and the guards, armed now, loaded the last remaining boxes as I walked out of the bunk house. I had no idea what I would find when I’d returned, figuring anything of worth would have been taken. But I’d been able to grab two sleeping bags and two backpacks from the closet I’d shared with my bunkmate. I’d filled the packs with necessities only, a few pairs of warm socks and a canteen I’d stowed away in my footlocker.

The night sky had lightened, the morning sun threatening to expose me with its pink dawn. I exhaled a sigh of relief when a few of the wagons pulled away, and with the guards preoccupied, I moved. I stepped out from the shadow of the building and was ready to bolt when I heard my name.

“Hands up.” Treban pointed his rifle at my chest. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” he asked, and I noticed his hands were shaking too. The two packs on my back, the sleeping bags, I was weighed down. I’d never be able to outrun him or outmaneuver a bullet.

I held up my hands, my eyes burning, my heart broken. “Tre… listen.”

“I don’t want to hear it. You were running ?” he asked disgusted. “Deserter.” He spat at the ground, some of it spraying my face. “I should shoot you right now, but we need bodies.”

He moved closer, too close.

“I wasn’t running.”

“Liar.” He pushed the barrel of the rifle into my chest, his teeth clenched. “You fucking coward. I always thought you were. You and your dad. They should have let you rot in your cell.”

I thought about Cale waiting for me in the woods, my promise. I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t let Treban find him too. What if he died alone like this? What if he died from starvation or the cold? I killed him. I did. The phantom touch of Cale’s hands whispered over my skin, the pressure of his lips on my mouth, it was a dream, and this was me waking up. Wake up, Eben. Wake the fuck up.

It happened in the blink of an eye.

I was trapped.

I was trapped.

Trapped… Trapped.

I grabbed the barrel of the gun. There was a shout. Treban. He yelled, his face contorted, but I didn’t hear a word. I swept my foot, clipping his legs until he fell to the ground. He didn’t let go of the gun. He didn’t let go. Let go. Let fucking go. His finger was off the trigger. We fought and grappled and then I had it. I was holding the gun. The gun. I lifted it over my head, wielding it down, and down and down, and just let me go, just let me go, go, go. There was blood, so much blood, and it was quiet, he was quiet, and his eyes were open, and I was running. Drop it, drop it . I was running and the gun fell from my hands. Keeping close to the building, I had to remind myself to breathe. I could feel my pulse in my fingertips and toes, my heart punching my sternum as I broke away toward the tree line, pushing my legs to run faster, to sprint, to burn until I found myself on the edge of camp. I keeled over, on my hands, on my knees, and puked onto the dried pine needles.

Treban’s bloody face. His open eyes.

Oh God.

Oh God.

Shouting, more shouting.

They were coming.

“Shit,” I sputtered and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

I stood on jellied legs and moved deeper into the woods, running until the darkness of the pines swallowed me and all I could hear was the pounding of hooves. I stopped to breathe, the air like knives to my lungs, and listened to the reassuring beat of the horses moving south, until all that was left was a silence that soothed me to the core. I didn’t think about what I had just done. I erased his face from my memory. I had to. I had to. Sunlight peeked through the trees, and it gave me the energy I needed to keep going.

“Eben,” Cale whispered as I approached. “Jesus… you scared me.”

He threw himself into my arms and his whole body quaked as I hugged him. Cale cried, and the sound of it was tired and relieved and happy, and everything that had happened washed away inside his arms. I had to. I had to. He curled his fists into the fabric of my jacket and pulled me close enough that his breath became my breath.

“It’s okay… we’re going to be okay.”

He let go and ran both of his hands through his hair. “Were you able to find anything?”

I lifted one of the packs off my back. “This is for you.”

Cale’s smile was small and grateful. “This is for real? We’re free?”

“We are.”

I didn’t tell him what I did, too afraid, still in shock. He didn’t need to know. My sins were mine, and it was selfish to expect him to bear them with me. I did what I did, and we were here. Together. I had no idea if we’d be caught, if the NEA would take us on, but right now, together, we at least had a chance.

***

Though the next few days had been exhausting, we’d kept a steady course north, only stopping to eat cold beans from a can, and sleeping in shifts of two hours at a time. One of us awake, one of us on guard. I never truly slept. Too afraid of what could be following us, of losing him. Cale was the last anchor I had to my humanity, to this world, and I couldn’t fail him. But every hour, every day we went without finding the NEA, made it that much harder to move my heavy legs, to wake up, to keep my eyes open. These days seemed endless, and the small hope I’d found in the darkness, when the moonlight finally granted us cover, had started to fade as the weather turned colder with every step. The temperature tonight had dropped significantly after the sun had set, and as the wind picked up, it made it impossible to keep going.

“We should stop,” I said, dropping my pack to the ground.

“It’s too early.” Cale shivered and I chuckled.

“Come on, I’ll start a fire.”

“Is it safe to—”

“We need it, Cale.” You need it.

Cale grabbed a few pieces of fallen wood as I cleared a spot for the fire.

“You’re right… If we don’t find a NEA camp soon, we might freeze to death,” he said, handing me three small branches. “The mountains are getting close, Eben. Maybe we should have gone to Boulder.”

“Too dangerous and too far. Especially dressed as Freedom militia. At least this way, if we’re found, we’re alone and we have a better chance of pleading our case.”

He rolled up his sleeve and exposed his tattoo. “We escaped.”

I pushed up my sleeve and stared at the number on my skin. “Exactly.” I reached for his hand. His skin was cold between my palms. “You’re freezing.”

Cale laughed and pulled me into a hug. “So are you.”

“I should get the fire going,” I said, wishing we were someplace safe, a place where I could hold him like this for more than the necessity of staying warm.

With the matches in my bag and the dry pine needles on the ground, it didn’t take long to start a fire. With the wind, though, I wasn’t sure how long I could keep it lit. Cale opened his pack and was about to hand me a can of meat when the snap of a tree branch caught my attention.

“Shh,” I ordered and stood slowly. “Did you hear—”

“Put your hands up,” the woman’s voice, loud and sure, bounced off the trees.

Cale and I both obeyed as she took a step forward, her rifle pointed at us. She wore the gray fatigues of the NEA. The signature patch over her heart, a compass with a rifle through its center.

“You boys lost? This is Essentials’ territory.” Her accent reminded me of my mother’s friend from Minnesota. Well, what used to be Minnesota.

“We were—”

“Stop talking,” she interrupted me. “I’ll ask the questions.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Cale glanced at me, but I kept my eyes on hers.

“Are there more of you?”

“No, it’s just us,” Cale said, and her gaze jumped back and forth between us.

“My CO is checking the perimeter, if you’re lying—”

“It’s only us, we’re runaways. We escaped.” I assured her.

She narrowed her eyes. “Escaped?”

“We were prisoners,” Cale’s voice shook. “We stole these uniforms and ran. Hoping to find NEA.”

“Is that so?” A man, whom I assumed was her CO by the stripes on his uniform, stepped out from the shadows, but didn’t pull his weapon. “Lower your hands.”

His voice didn’t lack authority, but I wasn’t afraid. He was taller than me, more muscle for sure, but he had kind eyes. Pale gray and tired, but kind all the same. I lowered my hands and Cale did as well. The man checked my wrist first.

“Where were you imprisoned?” he asked.

“Elysium.”

He cringed and asked Cale the same thing, rubbing his thumb over Cale’s ink.

“Elysium, as well.”

“Put down your gun, Sammie,” he said and let go of Cale’s wrist. “These men are not militia.”

She didn’t seem sure, but she did as she was told. I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but those kind eyes held mine, and guilt bubbled up my throat.

“I was a Dusk Guard, sir.”

“Eben,” Cale warned but I kept rambling, even when Sammie raised her gun again.

“I was once a prisoner, pardoned, but I thought you should know the truth. I was a guard.”

“And you helped him escape?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Why?” The man waved his hand, and Sammie lowered her gun again.

“Because… I… um… I…”

“He cares… about me.” Cale’s tone was proud. “Because he cared enough to do the right thing. None of us wanted the hand we’ve been dealt, but he’s the only one in a long time to do something about it.”

Cale threaded his fingers through mine, and I thought maybe I might have fallen for him right then and there. His pride, his confidence, I wished I had known him before the war. Before all of this had a chance to steal some of his light.

“Well, then…” The man’s smile was crooked as it reached for his eyes. “Welcome to the NEA.”

“Thomas…” Sammie stared at us in disbelief. “This is highly irregular.”

“I’m in charge, Sammie, and I say they’re in. Got a problem with it... talk to Margie. It’s cold as fuck and my balls are freezing. Let’s roll out.”

She rolled her eyes but held her rifle tight in her hand.

“I’m Thomas, Second Lieutenant, and this is Private Warner. She’s a little surly when she’s hungry, don’t mind her.”

“Eben.” I held out my hand. “And this is Cale.”

Thomas shook our hands and eventually Sammie did too.

“We’re still a few miles out from the settlement, let’s put out this fire and head back before it snows. You’re lucky we found you. You’d both be dead by morning with the storm coming in.”

“We’re very grateful,” Cale said as he grabbed his pack.

“Are you armed?” Sammie asked, and Cale shook his head. “Eben has a small knife in his bag, that’s it.”

She searched our bags and confiscated the knife, while Thomas helped me put out the fire.

“Looks dead to me,” I said, and Thomas nodded.

“Everything good, Sammie?” he asked.

She exhaled and ran a hand through her red curls with a small smile. “I hate that you’re always right.”

Thomas surprised me and kissed her on the cheek. “You can thank me later.” He waggled his brows. “Ready, boys?”

Cale and I stared at each other, his lips fighting to suppress a smile as I took his hand in mine. “Yeah. I think we are.”