Page 2

CALE

Every day for three weeks, he’d set an apple outside my cell door. Dorel had not returned, and every night, Eben stood watch. The first week, he’d offered me no words. Just another fucking apple. I’d thought it was a taunt. Another game to amuse the well-fed kings of Elysium. But on the night of the second week, when Eben had stared into the darkness of my cell with disappointment hanging on his limbs, and said, “Please… eat something,” I’d started to believe he might actually care. Had he offered gifts to everyone? Nothing in this world was without motive. Nothing was given for free. Nothing was given with love.

The other two prisoners in my hall had been executed this week, and I wondered what they’d been accused of. Did they get caught accepting one of Eben’s gifts? How many others still drew breath inside these walls? How long would it be before my heart stopped beating? The silence that had come with their death hissed in my ears, while the pitch-black air suffocated my lungs. I sat with my back against the cold stone wall and stared at the apple I wouldn’t eat. Wishing for and dreading Eben’s next round. As hard as I’d tried to convince myself that I didn’t want or need his attention, I’d been relieved when he’d continued to show up every day. He’d tell me mundane things about his day, about the weather, about the way he missed the night sky and lighting his lamps. He’d talk about how much he missed reading and sometimes muddle through stories I’d never heard only to get frustrated with himself for speaking out loud at all.

He’d talk and I’d listen, envying his freedom, grateful that I had a window through his eyes. I’d started to crave his company, knowing hope was dangerous, knowing that his voice, his stories were comforts, a debt to be paid by only my blood or my sanity.

My stomach growled as I watched a rat sneak across the floor toward yesterday’s apple. Sneaky, it sniffed, then circled the fruit before nibbling away at the pink skin.

A chuckle escaped me. “At least one of us will go to bed with a full belly.”

“Why won’t you eat?” Eben asked, his thick, rich voice filling the vacant space of my cell, and the rat scampered into the black hall.

The candle Eben held flickered, casting odd shadows across the floor. His warm eyes narrowed, seeking me out.

He was here.

Finally.

I didn’t move.

“Why should I eat while others suffer?”

He exhaled and leaned his tall, broad frame against the cell door. “You think others would not eat if offered the same opportunity?”

“It’s not my business what other people do.”

“It’s your business to survive,” he said, his irritation leaking into his words.

“I do not wish to live. Why not offer me death instead of useless fruit?” I licked my dry lips. “Your apple would only prolong my torment.”

“How old are you?” he asked.

“Why does it matter?” Eben ran his hand over his head and started to walk away. “Twenty-four,” I blurted and regretted my desperation. He held a power over me that I hadn’t planned to give him. It unnerved me. “You?”

He set the candle into the wall sconce, making it difficult to see his face. Despite my reservations, I’d come to trust his eyes.

“Twenty-five.”

He seemed older. Tired.

A small sigh parted his lips. “They told me you’re not eating in the mornings.”

“I have broth.”

“That’s not enough to—”

“What about the men who were executed? What about the men in the other halls? What compassion have you offered them?” I asked, my ire stealing my breath, twisting it into a sharp, painful cough. My ribs strained with the movement, and the ache of it radiated through my fragile bones.

Eben pressed his forehead against the bars and closed his eyes.

“I can’t change the way things are, I can only do what I can,” he whispered and the defeat in his voice, in his posture, had unwelcome guilt pooling in my stomach.

“Don’t waste your kindness on me. I’m already dead.”

“I…” Eben turned to look down the hall before he whispered, “The Boulder front is falling.”

“What?” I asked, my heart in my throat. “How do you know that?”

“Dorel… he wasn’t allowed to come back. They need as many men as possible.”

If this was true—the thought made me dizzy. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not. They sent three more guards this afternoon. It’s why I haven’t returned to my post as Dusk Guard. It’s why…” He took a few, slow breaths, and when he spoke again, the disgust in his voice was the most honest thing I’d heard in months. “It’s why they executed the two men in your hall, and another four in the west sector. There aren’t enough guards… and too many prisoners.”

For the first time, death terrified me. I didn’t want to be disposed of, not when the front was falling, not if there was actually something left to fight for.

“Why would you tell me this? They will hang you if they—”

“I’ll die here or on the front.”

“You’d fight with them?” I accused and held my breath.

His answer shouldn’t have meant the world, but it did. I wanted to believe in those truthful brown eyes. I needed something to hold on to. Some bit of decency. Some scrap of the hope I’d thought I’d lost.

He shook his head. “No… I wouldn’t.”

It took some effort, but I stood. Eben stared as I moved closer to the cell door.

“Would you fight against them?”

I was close enough I could smell the soap on his skin, cedar, and lye. I wrapped my fist around the iron bar below his hand, the heat of his body drawing me in. A small fraction of his skin brushed along the edge of my finger, and I shivered.

The muscle of his jaw feathered. “If able… I would.”

“Able?” I asked, my eyes trailing over his wide chest and muscled arms. “You seem able enough to me.”

Eben’s grin was crooked, the easy curve of his lips reminding me of an easier time. A time when the very thought of kissing his smile wouldn’t have landed me in a pyre.

“The virus… it scarred my lungs.”

“Never judge a book by its cover?”

“Exactly.”

A laugh scratched in my throat, and it echoed through the darkness. My eyes widened and I covered my mouth with my hand, shocked at the loud sound of it. I couldn’t remember the last time I had truly laughed. Eben let go of the bars and stepped back. We both stood like statues, waiting to be discovered. Seconds ticked by, and a fast-moving heat bloomed along my spine, over my chest and face as Eben held my gaze.

“Cale—”

“I don’t think they heard us,” I interrupted and stumbled back.

A man hadn’t looked at me like that since Seven. It frightened as much as it thrilled me. Yesterday I would have entertained the idea. Hitting on a guard would be the quickest path to death. But there was too much to lose now. If the front was about to fall, if there was a way to win back the real constitution, I had to think with my head and not my heart.

EBEN

“Don’t be afraid,” I said, the panic in Cale’s clear blue eyes threatened to steal the last vestiges of heat from my skin. The ghost of his touch on my finger remained even in the cold pitch of Elysium, and I rubbed the spot with my thumb, committing the feel of his skin to my memory. Another piece of his puzzle for me to work over while I fought sleep like I had every night since I’d met him. I wanted to know him, wanted him to trust me, wanted to have one person I could trust too. I wanted him to eat the fucking apple. “You’re the only one left.”

“I don’t understand?” His brows furrowed, but he didn’t retreat any farther.

“This hall is empty… you’re the only one here.”

Cale’s head tipped back as he closed his eyes. “There’s no time then.”

I couldn’t stop myself from staring at the smooth, pale silhouette of his neck. I wanted to blame the isolation of this place for my fascination with Cale. Every day I spent inside these walls was another day I offered up a piece of my soul. The men here were underfed and sick. Skin hanging on bones. Dirt and sweat and excrement, the scent of death, the minute I stepped inside, the fog of desperation nearly drowned me. But Cale was a flicker of light in the middle of the misery. He wanted to pretend like he’d accepted his end, but the fight that radiated from him day in and day out called to me.

“Captain left for the front this morning. All executions have been stayed… for now.”

He opened his eyes and caught me staring.

“Do you know when he’s supposed to return?”

I shook my head. “No one does.”

“Who’s in charge now?”

“Lux.”

He winced. “That’s even worse.”

Cale ran a shaky hand through his hair and my eyes followed the movement. He was weaker than I’d thought.

“You need to eat,” I said as more of an order than a suggestion.

“Did you mean it… what you said?” He moved toward the cell door and grabbed the iron bars again with both of his hands. “If able… you would fight?”

“Yes.” I took a step closer, taking in as much of his face as I could.

“Then I’ll eat.”

He was too thin and could use a shower or two, but even so, he was perfect. I could only imagine what Cale would look like in the sun. If his dark hair would shine under natural light? If those cunning eyes would see right through me? Would he be able to see it? See this growing attraction I had for him. Too much time had passed since I’d been physical with anyone. It was too dangerous. But it didn’t matter, in the sun I’d find my wits and realize I could never have a man like Cale. Not anymore.

“There are other ways to fight, Eben.” He pressed his long body against the bars, his face close enough to touch. And for a small moment, when his gaze found my mouth, I thought maybe he wanted me too. “But you already know that.”

“I don’t… I don’t know how.” My pulse thudded in my throat. Talking about any of this was treason. “I’m not like you.”

“Aren’t you? The apple… Eben? Kindness… hope… it’s how we’ll take it all back.”

***

Lux was at the front gate two weeks later, waiting for me when I arrived for my shift. Sweat broke out across my brow as I made my way up the path. Trying to distract myself from the fear cooling inside my veins, I watched the Dusk Guards light the first few lamps. Over the last few days, tensions had started to rise throughout the militia. Rumors of NEA infiltration spread like wildfire, with guards and soldiers on high alert. It had gotten harder to sneak Cale food, but he’d finally started to eat. If I had to, I’d split my own rations with him. Every night I’d gotten to spend with him over these past fourteen days had been like a dream. Instead of rambling to myself in the dark, Cale would make his way over to his cell door. He’d eat whatever I was able to scramble together and listen, offering me small smiles that made me feel more like the man I had been before the pandemic, and the militia, and this goddamned war. He might not have given me the entirety of his trust yet, but something was building between us. Every quiet laugh, every small detail he’d given me about his life before this place, was a keystone to something bigger. Maybe I had started to put too much of my hope inside this man I hardly knew, hope like those stars had given me through the window of my own cell, but even deep inside the humid emptiness of Elysium, Cale made it easier to breathe. He felt safe.

Safe.

Lux stared at me as I approached, his assessment calculating. “Eben… Come with me.” His command was clipped as he turned on his heel.

The soup and bread I’d had earlier turned rancid in my stomach. Had he found out about Cale? Had someone heard us? My heart took a nosedive into my stomach as I thought about the conversation I’d had with Cale last night while he’d eaten half of my sandwich.

“Tell me about your parents,” he’d asked, leaning against the bars of his cell, his stomach full, his eyes sleepy.

It had been impossible to ignore the growing need to know him, to have someone know me.

I’d told him about the cherry blossoms in my backyard and how when I was little, I’d thought the flowers looked like popcorn. I’d told him about Sunday mornings and orange rolls, and church. And how I’d often wondered if God was real, and how my family had always been so sure that He was. I’d told him about high school and football until he fell asleep, his breathing calm. Everything I’d said, every detail, was more than I’d given to anyone in years.

I shouldn’t have let him in, shouldn’t have allowed myself to care. It was selfish needing someone in times like these. My attentions could have very well been his death sentence. What if they’d executed him this morning? The thought brought bile to the back of my throat. If he died because of me, then I’d braid my own noose.

Lux led me deep into Elysium, past A, B, and C hall to the officers’ quarters. The air was heavy and static as he shut the door behind me.

“Have a seat,” he said, his dark black eyes boring through me.

I attempted to swallow past my thick, dry tongue. “Is something wrong?”

Lux sat behind his desk and steepled his fingers. “I’m afraid so.”

My heart galloped, pinching at my side like I’d run five miles without a sip of water as I waited for him to speak. His shrewd appraisal was deafening.

“Captain, Dorel… along with the small regiment we sent to the front have all perished. Ambushed.” He slammed the palm of his hand on his desk, and I jumped. “Motherfucking NEA.”

I lowered my eyes to the folder under his palm, the militia’s symbol, a raven with three stars situated like a crown, sent a cold thrill along my spine. I couldn’t bear to look at the angry slit of his lips, the deadly fire in his eyes. Lux was older. His face distorted with multiple scars. He’d fought in several of the wars I’d learned about in high school when I was a kid. He was hateful in a way that made even the most confident men piss their pants. When he was ordered to execute a prisoner, he’d take the whole day. Take his time. He was known for his inhumane tortures.

“If it was up to them… we’d abandon God’s will. Equal rights…” he scoffed. “If God wanted everyone to be equal, don’t you think He would have made us all the same? Fucking rebels and their cock-sucking President. It’s disgusting the way he parades around with his so-called husband. When we take the north, we’ll gut them both.”

My head snapped up, terror and surprise warring inside me. I knew little about the NEA and their President. When everything went dark, any news I’d had about the rest of the country faded into the propaganda served to me by our commanders and city leaders. The entirety of my existence had been reduced to a twenty-mile radius. The guard encampment and Elysium. I never questioned it, never wondered. My father dared to question, and now he was worms’ meat.

“He sleeps with m-men?” I asked with feigned judgment.

Lux laughed without humor. “I forget how ignorant you guards can be. Our country, this freedom you enjoy, dangles from the tip of a knife… if the NEA takes Boulder…” He clenched his jaw. “Taggert and Liam have been dispatched to the Front. And you’ll leave in a month with the four-forty.”

“Sir, I can’t—”

“You can and you will. We need bodies on the front line.”

“I have a medical waiver.”

Front line? I’d be dead by day’s end.

Lux scowled, his irritation more fury as he balled his hands into fists. “Medical waiver or not, you will fight for the militia’s constitution. Die for it if you have to.”

“What about Elysium, who will guard the prisoners?”

“The prisoners are of no consequence.” He signed a piece of paper and handed it to me. “They will be given the option to fight. If they refuse, before the last regiment is sent out, they will all be executed.”

An image of Cale, his blue eyes dim and lifeless, took my breath away.

“All of them?”

The east sector was small compared to the rest of Elysium. It was why only one guard was needed to man it, but there were at least a hundred prisoners housed inside the rest of these stone walls.

“If they won’t fight, then they’re taking resources we need from the front, food from our soldiers’ mouths. Fight or die. Same goes for you, Eben.” He handed me the paper he’d signed. My official deployment orders. “You have no choice.”

The same symbol from the folder sat on the letterhead, the raven, cold eyes staring back at me, the weight of the paper in my hand too heavy.

The front.

Fight or die.

You have no choice.

He was wrong.

I had a choice.

I could run.

And I knew Cale would run with me.