Page 60 of Innocent

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Our second Christmas together, Leo and I fly out to California, and he introduces me to his family.

As his boyfriend.

They already know about me. I’m terrified they might not like me, or like that I’m eighteen years younger than Leo.

Except when we arrive, I walk inside their home and a familiar aroma smacks me right in the heart and, for a moment, makes me think of Mimi.

Her picadillo, my favorite recipe.

Leo conspired with Meredith Cruz, sending her copies of my favorite recipes for her to prepare for me.

I’m blown away by their welcoming and feel absolutely…adoredby them. When they insist I call them Mom and Dad, I have to eventually escape to their bathroom for a moment to regain my composure.

Whycan’tthey be my parents? My in-laws?

Whycan’tLeo marrymeand still love and protect Elliot? I would never make him give up Elliot.

But the bracelet on my wrist reminds me that while Leo loves me, Elliot will always come first.

It’s what I agreed to.

There won’t be a ring on my finger with a matching one on Leo’s. Not any time soon.

Leo never lied to me, never led me on.

I guess it’s up to me to figure out how to make it work.

Two weeks into the new year, there’s a band I really want to see in DC on a Friday night.

A rare Friday night Elliot has nothing on his schedule except staying home, due to a last-minute event cancellation.

Leo’s torn, and I get it. Instead of forcing him into a corner, I make the choice for him and talk to one of the guys on Elliot’s detail, I guy who I know is single and has the night off, ask if he’d like to come with—armed, of course—and then tell Leo it’s all right if he goes to Elliot’s.

I break that news to Leo up in his little office on the third floor of the residence, with the door closed.

I hate that he looks…torn. “I’m sorry, Jor. I thought maybe you’d want to come with me.”

I’ve decided to start this new year off with a personal and private resolution of my own—to not beat my head against the wall that is Elliot Woodley. That’s the only way I’ll maintain my own sanity and not grow bitter over this.

I also play to the “forgiveness instead of permission” adage. “I thought you’d want time alone with him, since we went to California. I already asked Nyles if he’d like to go.” I smile, hoping Leo believes it. “He said he’ll wear a gun, and I promise to take a cab.”

That Leo gives in far easier than I anticipated means I was right to do this. “All right. If you’re sure.”

I know Leo’s disappointed, because he still thinks he’s going to persuade Elliot to come around.

But I don’t have the heart to break it to Leo that, despite his beliefs, I’m nearly positive Elliot doesn’t like me. I mean, Elliot tolerates me. Maybe he doesn’t hate my guts, but the guy doesn’t have the freedom with Leo that I do.

If I can’t be at least a little magnanimous and give Elliot alone time with Leo, I don’t deserve to be in Leo’s life.

That Friday night, Nyles and I grab a bite to eat—my treat—before we head to the club. It always feels a little weird going to one of these concerts with someone besides Leo, because that first night is indelibly etched in my memory.

Leo had his own chat with Nyles before we met for dinner, confirmed when we emerge from the cab at the club and Nyles is suddenly treating me more like a protectee than a casual companion.

Can’t help but wonder if this was what Leo was like when he worked private security or on The Shift. It’s kind of hot. Except Nyles isn’t as tall as Leo, and while a couple of years older than me, he just doesn’t ring my bell the same way Leo does. Nyles isn’t a bad-looking guy, don’t get me wrong. He’s damned handsome.

But he’s notmyguy.