Page 66 of Inked & Bloodbound

I tell myself this is about strength, about being prepared for the dangers that lie ahead. But the truth claws at me with every swallow—I’m terrified of what I might do to her if I’m not sated.

The memory of her blood haunts me, has haunted me since that first taste in that basement. The way it sang through my veins, how nothing else has ever come close to that perfect symphony of flavor and life.

Seven pouches. Eight. I drain them mechanically, one after another, trying to build a wall between my hunger and my desire for her. Because if I’m too weak…if I lose control again, if I take too much…

By the time I’ve finished the tenth bag, I’m queasy but satisfied. The blood hums through my veins, dampening the hunger inside me. I throw the empty pouch in the bag and zip it up before throwing it in the backseat.

I won’t need to feed for a while. My strength is temporarily replenished, but it won’t last. I know it won’t. Even weak as I am, I’m ready for whatever tonight brings.

Ready to protect Lily from every threat we’ll face.

But there’s one truth I can’t escape: I’m the only one who knows what her blood is truly capable of. I’ve tasted paradise, felt the intoxicating rush of her gift flowing through me. I lost control once before—nearly drained her dry while she clawed at my skin, begging me to stop.

Ordinarily, I’d be strong enough to protect her from almost any vampire alive. Ancient, powerful, deadly when I need to be. Not right now, though.

The question haunts me as I lock the car and walk toward her door:

Am I strong enough to protect her from myself?

Because no matter how much human blood I consume, no matter how carefully I prepare, there’s one truth I can’t deny: I am still a monster.

And tonight, I’m taking her straight into the darkness.

22

LILY

When I open the door and see Cass standing there, I forget to breathe for a second. For once he’s not covered in dirt from the earth he so loves to sleep in, nor is he wearing his usual leather jacket over a signature black tee.

It’s the first time I’ve seen him wear a real shirt—one with cuffs and buttons. Dark fabric clinging to his strong body like it’s been painted on. He swallows, and his Adam’s apple bobs, drawing my eye to his throat where his elaborate cross tattoo peeks out from under his starched collar.

He’s combed the soft waves of his jet-black hair neatly, taming them, but a tousled section has escaped and is sticking up at an awkward angle. It makes me smile. Drunk on how unbelievably sexy he is. There’s no trace of the vampire. No hint of an ancient, dangerous creature. He just looks like a good boy, dressed up for Mass, or ready to meet the parents.

Like all good boys, he comes bearing gifts. A huge bunch of long-stemmed white lilies, wrapped in brown paper and fastened with twine, draped across his forearms.

Except he’s not a good boy, is he? My mother’s warning still reverberates in my head.

Do not trust him.

I tried again and again to reach her, but she was nowhere to be found. Lost again in the tangle of voices beyond the window.

Fear prickles at the base of my neck, but I swipe it away. She doesn’t know Cass like I do. She doesn’t see the softness in him. She has no right to do this to me. No right to interfere with my life after years of not giving a shit. When she was alive, our relationship was complicated. In death? It’s even more so.

I want to believe that her warning was about someone else, someone other than Cass, but I can’t get those images of violence out of my head. They only flashed through for a second, but it was long enough for them to sear into my subconscious like a hot brand of fresh trauma.

My mother’s face. Her mouth locked in a scream, the blood flecked on the dirty walls around her.

No, I can’t do this. Not right now. Nope.

For all I know, that wasn’t even her. It could have been another dead thing crawling inside my head. Messing with my memories and showing me things that aren’t real. Same with Paloma. I don’t even know her enough to trust her. She could be spinning a lie to push me away. How do I know she doesn’t want Cass for herself?

Tonight is real. Tonight is my opportunity to help find that poor missing girl. To seek out and save the living rather than play with the dead.

Cass’ mouth is open, but he hasn’t said a single word. The air hums with the chirping of katydids which buzz and fill the awkward silence.

When he inhales sharply and just stands there staring, I bite my lip to hide my smile. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Yeah, but you gotta give me a second. I feel like I’ve just been kicked in the chest.”