Page 47 of Inhuman Nature

“That’s proof of your age,” Rake said, muting the TV but leaving the game on the finishing screen.

“What other games did you play?” DJ asked. He looked to be enjoying the new topic of Let’s Remind Shaun That He’s Horrendously Ancient.

Shaun searched his memory. It had been a while since he’d thought about the games he’d played as a kid. “Pokémon…Red. And Silver? Some other Mario Bros. games. And, um, some hamster game?” He looked helplessly at Rake and DJ, leaving Link to race through the track with a dejected expression on his face.

“Hamtaro!” DJ said, pointing at Shaun as if he were the host of a game show and Shaun had won the top prize. “Though I’ll not be accepting Mario Bros. as an answer. You might as well have said Zelda.”

“Oh, I played that too. For sure.” Shaun pointed at the screen. “That’s why I played as Link!”

“That doesn’t count either, because I gave you that one.”

Shaun sighed. “How does knowing this prove anything about my age, anyway? I could have been into old-school gaming and had a SNES or something like that.”

“Most kids get their first game consoles before the age of ten,” Rake pointed out. “Though it’s getting more common for kids to get consoles much younger than that, it’s a good indicator of what era you grew up in.”

Shaun grimaced. “We’re not from differenteras, Rake.”

“You’re in your thirties. That makes you a millennial. DJ and I are both Gen Z. Literally different generations.”

“Ugh. You’re making it out as if I’m old.”

“Ihavealways wanted a sugar daddy,” DJ said, beaming at him.

“No, you haven’t,” Rake said, frowning.

DJ shot Rake a look. “Well, perhaps not, but—”

“That’s all right,” Shaun said. “I really don’t see myself as the Daddy type. I also have no money, so you’re out of luck on both counts.”

“Damn,” DJ said. “I thought all vampires would be millionaires.”

“Lawrence is rich,” Shaun said. “I don’t have any money of my own, though.”

“Isn’t it supposed to be ‘what’s mine is yours’?” DJ asked, brow furrowed.

“That’s marriage, not vampirism, Deej,” Rake informed him, tapping a nail under DJ’s chin.

“Ah. Of course.”

“So what age is Lawrence?” Rake asked. “I don’t think you told us earlier.”

“Over a hundred. Youngish for a vampire, but old compared to me.”

“Ew. He’s geriatric,” DJ said with a moue of disgust.

“Yeah,” Shaun agreed idly. “Ew indeed.” Even though as a teen he’d lusted over the idea of a centuries-old vampire sweeping him off his feet like a captive virgin bride in a classic bodice-ripper, the reality of such a thing was not as romantic. It involved a great deal more blood than he’d imagined.

“Now might be a good time to discuss what we’re going to do about that particular problem,” Rake said.

Shaun looked out of the window at the dark evening. “Lawrence can’t get in without an invitation.”

“We’ll not be inviting him in willingly,” Rake said. “But is there any way he could force us to do it?”

“We can compel humans to do just about anything, but not that.”

“Good to know.”

“So, considering Lawrence is a complete and utter monster, how about the two of us deal with him?” DJ asked.