Page 44 of Indie

Rain hammered the windows, waking me up before my alarm went off, and even under the thick duvet I was cold. I yanked the covers up around my chin, warding off the chill, hoping I could steal another thirty minute’s sleep. I waited for the heaviness to take me back under just for a few minutes.

“Mammy! Mammy!” Lily’s voice was overly shrill, ricocheting through my head, shattering any chance of that extra time under the covers.

“What, Lily?”

“I had a really great dream.”

“So did I. Wanna know what it was?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I got to stay in bed all day.”

“Mammy. Don’t be silly.”

“Sorry, baby. What was your dream about?”

Lily jumped on the bed, bouncing across me heavier than her three stone and a bit body should feel.

“I dreamt you married, Indie.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh. And Daddy was there. And he was really annoyed about it.”

“That sounds about right. You hungry baby?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Let’s go get some breakfast then.”

Because I didn’t need either of those visuals in my brain. A contradiction of hope and dread. And no matter what Indie had said, I didn’t think Gaz would stay away for long.

The rain was relentless, bouncing off the pavements. Water ran down the street, the road resembling a river.

“Hurry up, Mam.” Luke complained as I stood looking out of the door and wondering whether there was any way to avoid being completely soaked. “I don’t want to be parked miles away again. I’ve got a hole in my shoe.”

“When did that happen?”

“Couple of weeks ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry about having to buy new ones.”

The guilt was sickening, like I’d just been struck by a stomach bug, and my eyes prickled with the threatening heat of tears. Tears for the boy who hadn’t wanted to tell me he needed new shoes. I bit my lip hard. Hoping I could swap the pain in my heart for the pain in my face.

“Mam?” he urged, breaking through my self-pity.

“Wait here. I’ll get the doors open and then, when I wave, you two run across.”

I was soaked in seconds, the rain pounding on the top of my face, running down my hair and into my eyes as I dashed to the driver’s door, ramming the key in the lock. There was a low dunk as the car lock slid open and mercifully the central locking worked, the rest of the locks clicking simultaneously. I ran around the car, yanking the doors open and waving at the kids, watching as they splashed down the garden path, barrelling towards me.

Lily giggled loudly, shrieking when she stepped in a puddle, water drenching her feet before we even got to school. Luke followed, holding his rucksack over his head, just making it to the passenger door before leaping in. I pushed the doors closed, scrubbing water from my eyes. And as my vision cleared, I noticed a car parked in the street. Just a few metres down the road. It was older than the usual cars that had kept a constant vigil over us the last couple of weeks, not as well cared for. But it sat on sentry duty as the rest had.

A big rain drop dripped down my face, pooling in the corner of my eye and almost blinding me, reminding me I was standing in the middle of a torrential shower with a coat that had lost its ability to repel water a long time ago. I climbed into the driver’s seat, my clothes squelching with every little movement.

“Mammy I’m cold,” Lily complained from behind me.