Page 156 of Incompatible

A sudden, paranoid thought hits me:

What if I misjudged him? What if he wanted to take advantage of me too, but only stopped because he heard students approaching in the distance?

Would I have even fought back?

Wait. What?

What a stupid scenario.

Of course, if he’d done what they wanted to do, he’d just be another rapist. But in my sick mind, I’m twisting it all into some bizarre, fucked-up fantasy, where he saves me from them, and in return, I give him… my hole.

So silly, but I’m so lonely and miserable that I guess everything works to get me to climax. I close my eyes and imagine him pushing his way inside me, and I feel like I’m committing an act of betrayal. But what choice would I have?

What could I do against such a huge alpha? If he wanted to, he could shove it in, and I’d be powerless to stop him…

No, I haven’t sunk into that much desperation to fantasize about being violated. But let’s call it a reward fantasy. I’m just giving him a reward for saving me from something far more brutal.

Of course, he wouldn’t be like that. He'd glide into me gently and smoothly with steady strokes, massaging my prostate just as Bay used to.

As I close my eyes, I see a strong body leaning over me, with long, dark red hair spilling over my neck and face. It's him again. Bay. Making love with me…

A moment later, a thin stream of white spills over my fingers. The orgasm is pleasant, but like most orgasms that don’t involve prostate stimulation, it feels like something’s missing.

Still, it helps.

For now, I have to settle for this, since it's lifting my spirits a bit, which are weighed down by depression and the heaviness of all my problems.

And now the most important question is what to do with the Tanners?

Will they be angry that they got beaten up because of me? One of them looked like he had a broken arm. Will they want revenge? Damn it, instead of going home, I should have reported the incident to campus security.

But what could I even say, that someone saved me and then disappeared? Would they look for him, demand answers from him?

On the other hand, this attack will go unpunished for the Tanners if I stay silent, nothing was recorded on any cameras after all, I have nothing to take to court to request a restraining order.

A fucked up situation.

They were beaten up, but no legal action is being taken against them. When they recover, they may decide they want retribution. They’ve already proven they can be patient, and in more suitable circumstances, ones where no mysterious masked savior shows up, they might make another move.

Did the guy just get me into trouble?

I get out of the shower, grab something to eat, and go to bed, worried about Jared, but what can I do? My relationship with him has been falling apart more and more lately. In the first year after he moved in, things were alright between us, but with every month subtle changes kept building. I don’t know if he ever fully coped mentally with what happened with the Tanners.

I was probably the one at fault.

In the beginning I suggested therapy. He went maybe twice and said the therapist annoyed him, so I offered that we could look for someone else, and he replied that he didn’t need it right now, so I didn’t push. My mistake.

The problem was that in the first few months after my breakup with Bay and after my dad’s death, I was practically gone, like a ghost, spending whole days in bed in total apathy, and Jared was left on his own. With his emotions tied to the violence he went through at his granddad’s house and then the assault, he never found any soft, open space for healing or release.

We never talked it through. I still don’t really know what exactly happened, because I was afraid to bring it up, and I think that turned into something like an underbaked layer in the cake, the source of a growing distance between us. We never came any closer by talking about our pain. No shared energy, no shared tears, no moments of vulnerability that could have opened the door for mutual uplift.

Each of us sank in our own suffering, and we didn’t meet halfway.

Near the end of sophomore year the first problems showed up. He struggled with passing several classes, but I arranged tutoring for him and he managed to finish the year. Junior year went much worse. He still got tutoring from time to time so he got by somehow, but we talked less and less, and Jared even had a boyfriend for a while who was an omega.

Then they had a fight and he was down again, and near the end of junior year, he started seeing some alpha. That boy wasn’t a good influence; he smoked cigarettes and probably weed too, and it was a miracle Jared got into senior year at all, barely.

But now things were really bad. He skipped classes often, and I could see in the grading system that negative marks kept piling up, but my urging him to patch things up and try to pass went nowhere. Finally Jared did break up with that boy too, but it didn’t help much.