Page 22 of In Want of a Suspect

“Lizzie, you’re being dramatic,” Jane said, stroking her hair. “Miss Beaufort is in his past. You said he seemed utterly surprised to hear her name. For as large as London is, it really can feel like a small town, especially among society members.”

“I suppose.” Lizzie knew her sister was right about connections, but it still irked her. “But why didn’t he tell me?”

“Have you told him about every young man you’ve ever flirted with?” Jane countered. “Did he hear about Mr. Mullins for the first time two days ago?”

“Jack never courted me! We worked together.”

“But you call him Jack, and he calls you Lizzie,” Jane pointed out. “And Darcy has said that he and Josette were ill-suited.”

“I suppose,” Lizzie said.

“So then, what’s the matter?” Jane tugged at Lizzie’s shoulder until she was sitting up, albeit with a grumpy expression. “You’re being more dramatic than Lydia and Kitty put together.”

Lizzie scowled, but then Jane nudged her with a sly smile and Lizzie felt herself relent. It was impossible to be angry at Jane—she was too perfect. “It’s not that he courted another young lady once. And I suppose it’s not even the marriage proposal thatupset me. It was what he said about them not being well suited. He said that she wanted to settle down and leave London behind. And he said he didn’t want those things.”

Jane’s head was tilted to the side. “All right...”

“And I didn’t know any of that.”

“Ah,” Jane said, sounding as if she understood. If she did, Lizzie was desperate for her older sister to share, because the tumult of feelings inside of her was making her nauseous.

“You and Bingley talk about the future, don’t you?”

“Of course,” Jane said, and a small, sweet smile graced her face, as it always did when her beau was brought up. “But, Lizzie—”

“And even though he hasn’t asked for your hand yet, you know you’ll marry and you’ve talked about where you’ll live and how many children you want and if you’ll spend summers in the country and—”

“Lizzie, slow down!” Jane was laughing, but she also looked a bit concerned. “Yes, we’ve discussed all that. Although don’t tell Mama—she’s already got it in her head that he needs nudging along.”

“But if Bingley were to ask for your hand tomorrow, you’d say yes?”

“Of course,” Jane said.

“Ughhh!” Lizzie flopped back so she was lying across the bed.

“Lizzie, are you saying that you and Darcy haven’t... discussed the future?”

“Oh no, we’ve discussed it plenty,” Lizzie assured her, staringup at the ceiling. “I’m going to keep working with Longbourn, and eventually make partner, once Papa figures out a legal loophole to ensure that no idiot man can take it away from me once he’s gone. And Darcy is going to rise up through the ranks at Pemberley and prove to his father that he’s a worthy successor. When we’ve both achieved the career recognition we deserve...” Lizzie faltered.

“I see,” said Jane. “Have you both discussed what you want your lives to look like,together? Nothing to do with Longbourn or Pemberley?”

Lizzie didn’t answer her, because they hadn’t. For nearly a year, she had merely enjoyed Darcy’s company as she got to know him as a colleague and a friend... a friend that she on occasion kissed in between debates about the law and working cases. But lately she’d realized just how much she’d come to count on him, and now... well, she didn’t want to imagine a futurewithouthim. But she also couldn’t imagine a future without her work and doing what brought her joy. Learning that Darcy had actually proposed to someone else, even if it was in the past, sent Lizzie into a sudden maelstrom of nerves and uncertainty. Did Darcy want a wife? Someone to keep house, and stay home and raise children?

And what if Lizzie didn’t want those things? Would Darcy still want her?

“Why don’t you talk with him about it?” Jane suggested, as if it were that simple.

“Because how can I ever get married, Jane?” Lizzie surprisedherself with the forcefulness of her words. “The moment I say ‘I do,’ everything I have becomes Darcy’s!”

“Oh,” Jane said, as if she finally understood. “But Darcy is—”

“Wonderful and smart and wouldn’t take advantage, I know,” Lizzie interrupted crossly. “But still. What I have would no longer bemine. And if he wanted me to quit working, he could demand it.”

“Darcy wouldn’t do that,” Jane said with confidence that Lizzie wished she felt. “And he would respect that you want to inherit Papa’s firm and not stand in your way.”

“Maybe.” More than maybe, likely. Darcy was honorable. He would defer to her in all matters concerning Longbourn. But Lizzie would always know, in the back of her mind, that he could take it all away from her in an instant. And even if he never did, Lizzie wasn’t certain she wanted to live with that knowledge. “How can we ever be married if I know that in order to be a wife, I’d have to give up everything I’d worked for, even in name only?”

Jane had no answers for her. Her lips were turned into a tiny frown and her forehead was creased. “Lizzie, I had no idea you were so worried about this. Why don’t you just talk to him about it?”