Page 79 of In Love and War

“It was a long time ago.” I shrugged.

“I can stop using your full name if you want me to. I’ll call you ‘Milly’ from now on if it reminds you of her.”

“It doesn’t.” I shook my head. “Normally it doesn’t. You don’t say it the way she did. It doesn’t sound the same at all.”

“Because I say it like it’s mine?” He smiled, remembering my drunken confession.

“Because you say it likeI’myours,” I admitted. It’s what I’d meant to say that night. But the alcohol had thankfully gotten in the way.

A pause as his eyes scanned my face. His smile faded.

“And is that so bad? Would it be so bad if you were mine, Amelia?” My name rolled out of his mouth slowly, as if he were savoring it. “That’s why you hate it?”

My heart was an overinflated balloon inside my chest, ready to burst.

My alarm went off on my phone. It was 5:00 a.m.

This was it. We were done. That was the deal.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Neither one of us moved.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

He leaned down and pressed a tender kiss on the corner of my mouth.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

He was up and out of the bed.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The bedroom door clicked shut behind him.

24

Idragged myself out of bed when I heard Zac leave the apartment. I went through my morning routine, adding in the shower that I’d missed last night. I was out the door fifteen minutes later than usual, and I walked instead of taking an Uber.

I slowed down a few blocks away from the building.

I walked even slower during the last block.

Someone cursed at me for it.

It wasn’t my fault. I was moving through molasses. Every step was so much work.

I didn’t know what time I got to my office. I didn’t check. I just opened up my emails and organized my day.

I had a quarter of a Caesar salad for lunch, and I ate it while I worked.

No one came into my office, and my door remained closed. I was back to pretending the glass wall didn’t exist. It wasn’t there. He wasn’t there. It was just me.

I packed up as soon as I was done the list I’d made for myself and walked home. The clouds hadn’t let up. It had been drizzling all day.

I tidied up a bit when I was in my apartment, because it was what I was supposed to do. I even threw Kai’s clothes that Zac had borrowed into the laundry.

I did well. I did really fucking well. I went through the motions, and I made it through my day. I would reward myself with a nap. That would be okay, right? Since I hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep the night before, it would only make sense for me to take a nap before dinner.