Page 20 of In a Rake’s Embrace (Sins & Sensibilities #3)
CHAPTER 20
S till innocent .
Thomas saw it in the soft, luminous stare and dazed look in her eyes. Agatha smiled, yawned and snuggled into his embrace. It struck him rather forcibly that a lover had never lingered within his arms. He frowned, peering down at her. Agatha’s mere existence cracked open something unknown inside Thomas. Hell, he had once thought of himself in love and had offered marriage. That feeling was sweet and hopeful. Whatever this was with Agatha, itfelt like a fucking obsession. Another unknown sensation crept inside his chest,and he pressed his mouth against her forehead, slamming his eyes closed.
Her touch, so delicate, uncertain even, yet so seductive, drifted over his chest. “Your heartbeat is increasing.”
Thomas buried his face in the curve of her shoulder, breathing her in, savoring the softness of her skin and the sweetness of her scent. His arousal was nearly unbearable, the intensity frustrating. Every part of him ached to taste her, to lose himself in her completely. He wanted to slide his tongue over her delicate folds until she shattered, then take her—slow and deep, his need overwhelming. He had never wanted a woman so fiercely, and resisting was challenging.
The thought struck him: she would no longer need the auction if he gave inand made her his. Perhaps he could make her an offer that would keep her by his side. Yet hell, he’d never kept a mistress. He’d enjoyed lovers, paid his membership fees to Aphrodite , and had given gifts to a few ladies he visited, but never had he considered a lasting arrangement with a woman. Such a liaison would require trust and intimacy he guarded fiercely, boundaries he had no intention of allowing anyone to cross.
“Do you think I am ready for the auction?”
Her soft question surprised him; he thought she had drifted off to sleep.
“I do not know,” he admitted. “Tupping … lovemaking … fucking … intimacy—they’re vast worlds in themselves. Even if we had a year, I doubt I could teach you everything I know. And your bidder may be even more knowledgeable than I am.”
She traced a finger over his chest, a light, tantalizing movement that sent ripples over his skin.
“You said that men have fantasies they wish to see fulfilled. That’s why they’re members of Aphrodite .”
“Yes.”
She leaned back, lifting her face to his. “I am very curious about the fantasies that torment you.”
He stilled, caught off guard. “I have never denied myself anything I want. There is no longing left unfulfilled.” Yet, the words that usually rang so true now felt hollow.
Her lips curved. “You live a life of excess. Is that why they call you a rake and a scoundrel?”
Thomas wondered how much Bea and Ellen discussed with Agatha. “I live a life of pleasure and contentment.”
She wrinkled her nose with a bemused smile. “It is astonishing that a life could exist where every desire is met.”
He brushed his knuckles along the bridge of her nose. “What have you longed for, Agatha?”
She laughed softly. “I do not dare long for anything beyond what I can achieve. Risk is … dangerous. I never thought of myself as a lady who indulges in risky pursuits.”
“Taking risks brings its own rewards.”
She raised an elegant brow. “Even the dangerous ones?”
“Especially those.”
“I suppose I am taking a risk auctioning myself, but it feels more like a business decision, something sensible. The outcome is beneficial; the cost … I can measure. But the rewards are certain.”
A wistful tone crept into her voice, and something in her eyes softened.
“What are you thinking of right now?”
She hesitated, andthen a rueful smile touched her mouth. “I was remembering a conversation I had with my mother the year she died. I told her I wanted a husband like my papa and at least six children. He’d sing to her as she baked, pulling her to dance around the kitchen. She’d laugh and wave him off, but later, she’d find him just to hug him. I thought happiness was as simple as marriage and children. When I told my mother, she kissed me and said I’d find a man who’d adore me, just as Papa loved her.”
A harsh ache settled in his chest. “You no longer want this?”
“I haven’t dreamed of such things in years. What would be the point of it now? Such whimsy is for ladies who have the luxury of support.”
“You are beautiful. Surely, many men have tried to win your favor.”
She laughed, the sound rippling through him, leaving a peculiar warmth in its wake.
“A few did, but none seemed interested in knowing who I was. There was a man … before I moved to Devonshire. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes.”
The unexpected jealousy that clawed at him almost had him scowling.
“When I came to Aphrodite last year, I knew I’d have to explain I was forced to settle my father’s debt. I knew he’d never marry me after. My stepmother urged me to keep silent; she knew he had a loverand cautioned that my lack of chastity was not something for him to consider. However, I couldn’t do it. It felt dishonest and wrong. Luckily, the Duke of Basil was there that night, and he saved me from having to sell myself.”
Thomas jerked, shock rippling through him. “Basil saved you?”
Her eyes gleamed with amusement. “You seem so surprised.”
He laughed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Basil is one of my closest friends.”
Agatha’s eyes widened. “Can the world be so small?”
“No,” he said dryly, “but Aphrodite is. Friends of similar inclinations flock together. We met as lads, went to the same university, and indulged in the same debauchery.”
She studied him, her gaze tender as her fingers traced the corner of his mouth. “Kindness and compassion bind you two as much as your … pleasures.”
“I am not—”
“Yes, you are not kind,” she interrupted, smiling warmly. “So you keep saying.”
Bloody hell . Thomas felt he did not know how to form coherent thoughts when she looked at him like that. “Would you like to join me at the theatre tomorrow?”
Delight sparked in her eyes. “The Theatre Royal in Covent Gardens?”
“Yes.”
“I have heard it is magnificent.” She yawned, then stifled a laugh against his chest. “Will Ronald be there?”
“I hadn’t planned to ask him. Sometimes he abhors crowds.”
“Please tell him a beautiful lady wishes for a handsome man to escort her to the theatre.”
He grunted. “And what am I?”
“Our brave guard, there to protect us from whispers and prying eyes.”
Thomas smiled, wondering how a woman so different from anyone he’d ever met could feel so unexpectedly familiar.
“Ronald is still in Bath with my mother, sister, and aunt,” Thomas said. “My mother plans to return at the end of the season. However, I’ll write to him and mention that you’re longing to enjoy an evening graced by his handsomeness.”
She laughed, a soft sound that burrowed into his chest, and she nestled closer as if wanting to melt into him.
“Do you think about your father?”
Hell. The question slipped out before he’d even processed it.
“Sometimes,” she replied quietly. “But I don’t long for him.”
“What will you do after ... the auction?”
“Return home to my family,” she answered without hesitation. “I miss them terribly, and they’ll be relieved I’m back. I want to plan carefullyandsave every bit for their futures. Maggie dreams of becoming a renowned modiste. Sarah and Carson ... well, they haven’t begun dreaming yet. Gloria has always wanted a bakery, and Henry adores horses. I think he’d make an excellent stable master, so I’ll try to find him an apprenticeship.”
That familiar pang twisted in his chest, sharper than before. “And what plans do you have for yourself?”
A wistful smile touched her lips. “Providing for my family is for myself as much as it is for them.”
By God, she was selfless to her very bones. Yet he understood, all too well, that fierce loyalty and sense of duty. Thomas wanted to know her better—what foods she enjoyed, what books delighted her, and if she slept sprawled or curled up. He wanted to undress her, spend hours entwined with her, and then take her to the opera, balls, on long walks, exploring the open sea on his yacht. He wanted her laughter, her warmth, her everything. But only for a moment.
“Did you love your fiancée?”
Bloody hell . “I do not know,” he replied after a pause.
“Is that possible, not to know?”
“I was … young,” he said. “At the time, I wasn’t indifferent to the idea of marriage and was even eager to find my countess, which delighted my mother. I enjoyed Lady Eva’s company and the dances we shared.”
“How do you feel when you see her now?”
Thomas frowned. “I’m not certain I have. If I have, I looked past her without realizing it. I cut her from my thoughts completely.”
Agatha pressed her hands against his chest, leaning closer to search his gaze. “You simply excised her from your awareness?”
“Yes.”
She reached up and traced a finger along the scar on his cheek. “How … how did you get this scar?”
A humorless smile touched his lips. “I fought a duel.”
Her eyes widened. “Why?”
“We anticipated our vows,” he said with dry amusement.
“Is that your delicate way of saying you tupped her before marriage?”
Thomas chuckled. “Yes. When I ended the engagement, her brother threatened a suit and then challenged me to a duel. I suspect she shared just how … intimate we were.”
“And you still wouldn’t marry her?”
“No.”
“That is … rather ruthless,” she murmured.
“Those who harm my loved ones are not forgiven. They taunted and tormented my brother at her urging, and she found it entertaining. That woman would never be a part of my family.”
Her eyes softened, a glimmer of understanding there that struck him. “What happened in the duel?”
“I knew refusing would be dishonorable,” he said, his tone edged with irony, “given that I knew what I was risking by having her in my bed before marriage. I accepted and won. But as I lowered my rapier, her brother lunged at me. It was a cheap attack, and he sliced my cheek.”
“That wretch,” she snapped, her gaze fierce. “What did you do to him?”
He lifted a brow. “I let him off. I told him that the loss of my beauty would settle the loss of his sister’s chastity.”
Agatha reached upand kissed the corner of his scar. “Only a vain scoundrel would believe this scratch could mar his handsomeness,” she whispered, her lips lingering close to his.
Thomas wrapped his arms around her, kissing her mouth for endless moments. And as he closed his eyesand she placed her face on his chest, he couldn’t bring himself to suggest she return to her own room.
The crowd outside the theatre buzzed with anticipation, a vibrant mix of laughter, chatter, and the occasional shout from vendors hawking their wares. Agatha, dressed in a stunning rose-colored gown, glanced about, her excitement palpable. She looked radiant, her hair swept elegantly into a chignon, with delicate tendrils framing her face and catching the soft glow of the gas lamps. Her gaze sparkled as it drifted over London’s finest, who milled around the entrance in exquisite attire, the air alive with sophistication and spectacle.
Just ahead, Thomas noticed a familiar face in the crowd. “Basil,” he murmured, steering Agatha towards the Duke of Basil and his wife Elizabeth.
The duke spotted Thomas, his eyes lighting up in recognition.
“Radbourne,” he greeted. “I have not seen you at the theatre in ages.”
The duke’s gaze shifted to Agatha, a hint of surprise flickering before a look of recognition softened his expression. “And you, my lady. I believe we’ve met before.”
Agatha’s face softened. “Indeed, Your Grace,” she replied, lowering into a curtsy. “I cannot thank you enough for last year … your kindness to my family has not been forgotten.”
Basil inclined his head. “Allow me to introduce you to Elizabeth, my duchess,” he said, gesturing to his wife with a proud smile. “Elizabeth, this is Miss Woodville, a … friend of Radbourne.”
The duchess extended her hand with warmth, her smile teasing as she looked toward Thomas. “A pleasure to meet you, Agatha. I’ve heard much of Lord Radbourne’s elusive nature at social events, and I can see why he might make an exception this evening. My brother has mentioned Radbourne’s fascination.”
Agatha’s wrinkled her nose. “Your brother mentioned it, Your Grace?”
Elizabeth’s eyes gleamed with amusement. “Yes, Mr. Brandon Armstrong.”
Agatha blinked, surprised. “ Oh ,” she murmured, smiling. “You share the same beautiful smile and eyes.”
“Ah, I am easily won by flattery,” Elizabeth drawled, her smile widening. “Now, won’t you join us in our box? Please call me Bette!”
Agatha hesitated for a moment. “You do know I am from Aphrodite ?”
Basil let out a chuckle. “Not everyone in the ton is inclined to sit with a stick up their arse.”
Elizabeth gasped, swatting him lightly, and Agatha laughed, pressing her gloved hand to her mouth to muffle the sound.
“It would be our honor to have you with us,” Elizabeth insisted, her warmth unwavering.
“Thank you.” Agatha flushed and glanced at Thomas, her emerald gaze gleaming with pleasure.
They ascended the grand staircase and entered the opulent interior.
“It is magnificent,” Agatha said.
The theatre was indeed breathtaking, almost palatial in its grandeur. Gilded chandeliers cast a warm glow over the crimson velvet seats and curtains, the drapes tied back with luxurious gold tassels. Marble columns supported a soaring ceiling painted with scenes of myth and legend, where cherubs seemed to float dreamily across a field of stars. The faint strains of the orchestra tuning their instruments floated in the air, mingling with the scent of polished wood and perfume.
As they entered the duke’s private box, Agatha gasped softly. The box was a sanctuary of elegance, draped in rich crimson fabric, with plush seating that afforded a perfect view of the stage. Below them, the audience filled in, a swirl of gentry and socialites glittering under the chandeliers.
Whispers trailed after them, fans snapped open to hide curious glances, and lorgnettes discreetly focused on Agatha and Thomas.
“Why is everyone staring?” Agatha asked quietly, turning to Thomas.
Thomas’s gaze lingered on her. “Because you are the most beautiful woman here. They cannot look away.”
Elizabeth leaned over with a mischievous grin. “It’s true, Agatha. But they are just as intrigued by Radbourne’s presence here with you. The ton is not used to him being so … visible in society. They are more than curious.”
Just then, a whisper reached their ears from a nearby box.
“Isn’t that the lady he danced with at Lady Rafferty’s ball? The hair might appear different, but I could never forget such a face or that smile.”
“She must be his mistress,” came another murmur. “And this is the third time he’s been seen with her in public.”
Agatha’s brows drew together, though a glimmer of humor shone in her eyes. “Why do they care who I am? What business is it of theirs?”
Elizabeth leaned closer with a knowing smile. “Ignore them. Mystery suits you beautifully.”
Thomas remained unbothered by the attention, exchanging glances with Basil, who shared an amused smirk. A hush settled over the crowd as the orchestra struck its opening notes, the curtains sweeping back to reveal the stage. Agatha leaned forward, her eyes filled with wonder, captivated by the spectacle before her. Yet Thomas’s gaze lingered on her, absorbing every flicker of excitement that crossed her face. He should have been watching the performance, but his lover commanded his attention.
She is not my lover , he reminded himself, the thought leaving a strange ache within him. But as he watched her, he couldn’t shake the feeling that she was becomingmore than a fleeting fascination. What am I to do with you, Agatha?