Page 55 of Imperfections Forbidden

There’s a knock on the door and I feel her turn to stone under my hands.I put my lips on hers.Her eyes open wide, and I see the want and need in her brown eyes.“Shhh.”

The person outside calls her name, “Cat?”

I put my mouth against her ear.“Take a deep breath.”

“Are you okay, Cat?”

I rub my thumb against the side of her stomach in a slow circle under her dress, seeing her reaction to Chris’s voice.I ask her, “Are you okay?”She shakes her head no.“Let it out, deep breath out.Then say one word, yes.”

“Yes,” she calls out.

“Are you sure?You’ve been in there for a while.”

“Deep, steady breaths,” I tell her again.“Talk slowly till you get your voice under control.”

“I’m fine.I’ll be out in a minute, Chris.”Her voice sounds a little strangled but it’s not bad.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, I’ll be out in a minute.”

“All right.”

We listen to his footsteps fade away.She lays her head down in the middle of my chest and clutches the sides of my shirt in her hands.Putting my hand over her hair, I hold her close.

“We can’t keep doing this, Nick.”

“Why not?”

“It hurts too much.”

“When we’re together it feels good.It’s like the first time all over again.Stop lying to yourself and to me.I’m not going to push you, but I need you to talk to me; I need to hear from you to make sure you’re okay.Give me that much.”I lift her face up with my hands.The heat in her eyes is replaced again by sadness and a wariness that wasn’t there before.

“I don’t know.I can’t hear your voice every day and not be with you.”

“How about this, I send you one text a day.All you have to do is text me back I’m fine or I’m not doing so good today.”

She thinks about it and nods.“I think I can do that.”

“Good.”

She straightens her dress and fixes herself in the mirror.

“You go out first and find Chris and then I’ll come out.”

She walks to the door, and I grab her hand and kiss her on the corner of her mouth.“I’m not giving up on us so easily.”She turns around and walks out the door, leaving me alone.

Cat

I walk out of thebathroom on shaky legs.My God, they feel like silly putty.I was actually going to have sex with him in my parents’ bathroom, with everyone down the hall.Thank God for Chris.I’m sure my heart stopped when he knocked on the door.

My first stop in this house of nightmares is to get my jacket before anyone else surprises me.I put my coat on and call a cab.I don’t need a ride from anyone here tonight.I’ve had enough questions and happy talk of babies and family love and loyalty.My mother could hardly look at me tonight, and Kate was staring daggers at me when she thought no one was looking.Sisterly love is dead and buried in this house, right along with motherly love.

“Are you leaving without saying goodbye?”

I turn around and see Chris looking at me.“No, I was just putting on my coat first, my cab is coming.”

“Why didn’t you ask one of us to give you a ride?”