Page 33 of Immoral (Park Avenue Kings #3)

BENOIT

I ’D LOST TRACK of the days, and apparently so had Dimitri, because Christmas had come and gone yesterday without either of us realizing.

I chose to blame him, since I didn’t even have access to a phone. It was strange to feel so untethered to the rest of the world, to be hiding away up here on his cliffside. The first couple of days it made me anxious, wondering what my brothers were doing, feeling like I was missing out.

But then I noticed the way Dimitri watched me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention.

Sometimes it was with a wariness that told me my actions were still at the forefront of his mind, but mostly it was with what I thought was interest. He wasn’t an easy man to read, but all the time we’d spent together had me almost as familiar with his body as my own, and that look in his eyes? Interest. Curiosity. Conflict.

If I was reading him right, Dimitri found himself wanting to get closer to me even as his mind warned him I couldn’t be trusted. And under my usual circumstances, he would be right. I couldn’t be trusted.

But…

What if I wanted to be?

I tried to shake off that utterly impossible thought. I didn’t get attached. It went against every fiber in my body. I’d put up that boundary two decades ago and it had served me well ever since, which was why spending so much time with Dimitri was wrecking my state of mind.

Because the thought that I could possibly care about him? Want to spend these quiet days getting even closer?

Ridiculous.

“What do you think you’re doing?” No matter what he said, Dimitri’s tone always had a brusqueness to it, a sharp edge that sounded accusatory. Though in this case, it might be.

I didn’t bother turning around as I fluffed the potted olive tree I’d dragged in from the terrace.“I didn’t know what you usually did for a Christmas tree, but since I couldn’t find a nice fir on the island, I had to make do.”

He stopped beside me, arms crossed. “I don’t.”

“You don’t what?”

“Bother with a Christmas tree.”

“Like…ever?”

He shook his head, and my jaw dropped.

“You’ve never had a Christmas tree?” When he continued to shake his head, I said, “Never celebrated at all? What about presents?”

Dimitri continued to look at me like I’d lost my mind, and that just wouldn’t do. From the base of the tree I grabbed the gift I’d wrapped with paper and tape I’d stolen from his office and got to my feet.

“All that changes now,” I said, holding out the present. It wasn’t my finest wrapping, but I’d had to use what was available. All that mattered was it was something to open, and since he’d apparently never even experienced that before, he had nothing to compare it to.

“What is that?” He eyed it suspiciously. “Did you figure out how to make a bomb with household ingredients?”

“That’s child’s play. Don’t insult me, mon monstre . Not when I have a gift for you.” I grinned and motioned for him to take it. “Gifts are good things, never bad.”

“A bomb would be good for you,” he muttered, but then sighed and carefully took the package off my hands.

“And leave me no one to spar with? Never.” And no one to kiss, I also thought but didn’t say out loud.

He’d initiated the kiss last night but didn’t let it go further, and today he was back to putting space between us.

Part of me wondered why he’d bothered keeping me for the remainder of our time together, but I could sense the struggle.

The want. The desire. It was all there for me too, and I had to focus on keeping my eyes off his mouth and the way I wanted to devour it.

I couldn’t just jump the man on our faux-Christmas morning, after all.

As he inspected the package, turning it over in his hands, I tapped my foot impatiently.

“You have to actually open it. The wrapping’s not the gift.”

He arched a brow. “I should hope not. This looks like… What did you say? Child’s play?”

“If you actually owned gift wrap, it would’ve made my life a lot easier, so stop being rude and open your damn present.”

There was a hint of a smirk, all the amusement he was going to show, and then he tucked his finger under the taped flap and opened it.

As he pulled the paper away, I fidgeted with the hem of one of the plain tees he’d given me to wear. I’d taken a huge chance with this, I knew that, but I wasn’t about to skip Christmas—and since I didn’t have access to anywhere other than here, I’d had to think on my feet.

He’d either be happy or pissed at what I’d done. I was hoping happy but with Dimitri you never knew. After all, I’d basically taken something of his and?—

“You fixed it…” Dimitri looked up from the old cuckoo clock he held, a surprised expression etched into his rough features.

“I did,” I said as he looked back to the little house carved out of wood. “I saw it on the wall but noticed the hands weren’t working. At first I thought it might need a battery, but when I took it down I realized this is the real deal.”

Dimitri nodded, running his fingers lovingly over the shingled roof, the balcony where dancers twirled in a circle, down to the little door that held the cuckoo.

“It’s from Germany. The Black Forest. My father brought it back for me after a business trip.

It broke years ago but I didn’t have the heart to throw it out.

” He shook his head. “How did you… I didn’t know you were… ”

“Good with my hands?” I finished for him, then grinned and waggled my fingers. “Surprise.”

He blinked a couple of times before looking back to the clock, his harsh features softening as the hands hit the hour and out popped the little wooden bird.

Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Dimitri let out a rumbling laugh, and it was such a boyish, joyous sound that all I could do was stand there and stare. In all the time I’d known him, I had never heard such a relaxed sound come from him, such a happy sound.

It was… incredible .

“So you like it?” I said, moving closer.

He looked up, his eyes shining.“I love it.”

My heart just about stopped at the emotions swirling in those dark eyes. There was a battle going on there, the same one going on inside me. One minute I wanted to walk away from him and never look back, and in others, like this one, I wanted to walk into his arms and never leave.

But it wasn’t only my mind that was conflicted. It wasn’t only my body. I knew that now, as Dimitri’s happiness slipped through the cracks of my own armor. My heart was conflicted.

I shouldn’t want his trust. Shouldn’t need his approval in any way. But as I stood there with my hand in his, and his eyes searching my face for the same answers I was looking for, I almost forgot that I was his prisoner.

And wasn’t that terrifying?

“I’m glad,” I finally managed. “I wasn’t sure if you’d think I was crossing a line by working on it in secret.”

“Why? It’s no worse than any of the other things you’ve done behind my back.”

The caustic comment was no more cutting than half of the things he’d said to me since finding out about my true identity and mission. But in that moment, it hit harder than any slap could. I tensed and pulled my hand back from his.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” My words were quiet but I knew he heard them, because he immediately looked away from me.

“I’m not going to apologize.”

“No, of course not. Why would you?”

Dimitri took in a deep breath and then let it out as he placed the clock on the table. “Look, you did something nice for me, and I appreciate that?—”

“ Do you?” I shouted much louder than I meant to. “Because to me it sounds like you’re an ungrateful bastard who’s still holding a grudge.”

“A grudge ? Do you know what I’d usually do with someone who did what you did?”

“It’s not hard to guess, since you aimed a gun at my head. But I thought we were past all that.”

Dimitri moved in close to me, his eyes blazing. “ Past it ?”

“ Oui. Isn’t that why you brought me here? Why you demanded to keep me like some kind of prisoner until our time was over?”

“You think I’m keeping you like a prisoner?” Dimitri grabbed my wrists and hauled me up against his chest. “If I was holding you prisoner, you’d be tied in some basement with a lock on it. Not standing in my home driving me fucking crazy.”

“Then why am I here? It’s obvious you don’t want me anymore?—”

“Then you aren’t looking close enough. All I do is want you. When I wake up, when I eat, when I fucking sleep. I never stopped wanting you.” He shook his head. “And another thing I can’t seem to stop is wondering whether or not I’m just a job to you.”

My pulse thumped hard and fast under his fingers. “You already know the answer to that. You’re just too stubborn to admit it.”

He swallowed, and it took everything I had not to lean in and lick a path over that strong throat.

“There’s no way this can work. No way you and I will ever work.”

“Not even for a moment?” I said, and licked my lips. “Not even for right now?”

Dimitri’s chest heaved against mine, and just when I thought he’d push me away and leave me wanting, he grabbed the back of my neck and stole the moment for the both of us.