Page 24 of I’m Not Yours

I’m selling pies.

I started selling them at a local Saturday market.

The first time, I sold twelve pies. The next Saturday I tripled that, and the next Saturday I doubled that .

I was mentioned in an article about the best food to buy in local Saturday markets.

I started getting orders from local stores in addition to the country café down the road.

I decided to turn my dad’s house into a country store where I could bake and sell my pies.

I bought new industrial appliances, took down a wall, hired a few local women, and we baked, sold, and shipped pies to other stores all day.

I covered a table with my mom’s tulip tablecloth and her apple orchard photograph is on a wall. I wear her apple apron.

I love my new life. I love watching the leaves of the apple orchard change. I love the smell of all the pies we make: raspberry, rhubarb, lemon meringue, chocolate, etc. and, most especially, apple pies, which I have named MaeLynn’s Apple Pies.

I love remembering my mom and baking pies with her.

Sometimes I can hear her voice, her laughter. I look at the photos of us in Bigfork often.

I have brought the happiest memories of my mother right into this kitchen.

Her memory is not blotted with grief and simmering resentment anymore, and I revel in the joy of who she was, the light she brought to my life.

I love the time I had with her, however short.

I have no room in my heart for anger, grief, or hatred toward my dad.

I lived with it for too long; it wore me down to nothing and turned me into someone I am not.

At night, I hug my husband.

We cook dinner and sit by the fire. We locate the constellations, we put puzzles together.

We hike through the gorge, by waterfalls, up to magical viewpoints.

I go with him on photography forays because he likes taking pictures.

We let the dogs run and we ride the horses.

We bike. I read Jane Austen out loud. We read the same crime thriller together and talk about it.

We have planned a trip to Yellowstone. And we laugh. We always laugh.

My name is Allie Pelletier.

I had some trauma in my childhood.

I was often lonely and miserable.

I ate a lot of apples.

I made pies with my mother.

I fell in love in Yellowstone. I am still in love with that same man.

I have found peace with my past.

I am pregnant. We’re having a little girl.

We will name her MaeLynn, after my mother.

We are going to give her brothers and sisters, too.

Jace and I are very excited.