Page 46 of Ignited Spirits (Haunted Magic #3)

IZZY

I don’t know what’s going on with Levi, but he looked like a kicked puppy when I asked if I could speak to him alone. It made my heart hurt seeing him so vulnerable and defeated.

It’s clear something that happened in Giles’s office rattled him, and I’m trying not to feel like he sees me differently after learning what happened. But he was the only one not to give me a hug or tell me he still loves me.

It’s hard not to feel like he’s disgusted with me, but I won’t know until I ask him.

After we’ve been walking for a moment, I realize I have no clue where I’m going. “Is there somewhere private we could talk?”

Levi’s dazed expression clears at my voice, but it takes him a few seconds to process what I’m asking. “Yes. You can follow me.”

He expertly leads us through the labyrinth of hallways until we come to a closed plain black door. Pushing it open, Levi goes into the space first, his head on a swivel as he makes sure no one is lying in wait to murder us.

I would say he’s paranoid, but with the amount of people that want to kill me, he’s really not.

Bracing his arms on one of the three narrow windows that illuminates the cozy space, he stares off outside for a moment. “What did you want to talk about?” he asks, without turning back around to face me.

I trace my gaze over his tense shoulders, the way his biceps strain his black tee, and the black and gray tattoos that wind down his arms, memorizing them in case this is the last time I get to look at him while he’s mine. “I understand if you don’t want me anymore.”

He spins around so fast that I’m surprised he doesn’t fall over. His brows are sky-high, and his expression is lined with shock. “What?”

“You’ve seemed upset and distant since you learned what happened.

I get if you do blame me or are grossed out knowing other guys touched me or whatever else.

” As much as I try to sound unbothered, the hitch of my voice kind of gives me away.

I understand him not wanting me, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t destroy me if that’s the case.

He growls and advances on me. I back up until my back brushes the smooth obsidian of the walls. Molding his front to mine, he slams his forearms against the hard rock next to my head, caging me in.

“Let’s get one thing straight,” he snarls.

“There has never been a moment of time that I haven’t wanted you with everything I am, Isabel.

There hasn’t been a single moment when I’ve thought any of this is your fault.

There hasn’t been an instant that I’ve been ‘grossed out’ or any other negative emotion toward you because of this or anything else. ”

“Then why have you been distant?” I ask in a small voice, vulnerability peeking through despite my best efforts to hide it.

He closes his eyes and leans his forehead on mine for a moment.

When he opens them again, he pins me with a look so full of despair and self-hatred it makes my breath catch in my throat.

“Because I am at least partially responsible for what happened. I understand if you don’t want me and can’t forgive me for my inaction. ”

I gape at him. “What are you talking about?”

“I was your professor for a year, Isabel. I watched you for a fucking year and never knew those scumbags were assaulting you. But I should’ve known, and I should’ve stopped it!” he roars as he slams his fists into the stone, crunching it with the force of the blow.

Tiny shards of obsidian rain down on me, and I close my eyes as I brace for the cuts they’ll leave in their wake.

When I don’t feel any pain, I look up to see the pieces of rock floating in the air around us, thanks to Levi’s magic. He loosens his hold on the shattered stone while keeping the barrier around us. We both watch the pieces harmlessly fall to the floor in silence.

“Levi…” I whisper, not even knowing what to say to all of that, because none of it was his fault.

“You know they purposefully did it when no one was around, right? They’re horrible people, but they’re not dumb.

How on earth would you have known what was happening?

The one time you did know, you stopped it. ”

I rest my hands on his chest, and he squeezes his eyes tight for a moment.

He hangs his head, letting the messy strands of his raven hair fall into his face.

I just stare at him for a moment, getting lost in the hard planes of his face, his full lips, and the hints of the bloodred and black swirl of his gaze I can see through the inky strands.

“Ignorance isn’t a fucking excuse,” he rasps, his voice thick with emotion.

“I knew something was wrong the second I met you. Instead of investigating further, I assumed it had to do with the reason you were hiding your magic. I wanted to give you time to get to know me better before I started digging. You will never know how damn sorry I am for not looking into it further and not stopping it sooner.”

I frame his face with my hands. “Screech owl, stop apologizing. I love you, and I don’t blame you for any of this. None of it was your fault. Don’t take responsibility for what other people did.”

I’m at least self-aware enough that I understand the irony of telling him that when I’ve felt like what happened to me was my fault for so long. I could stand to take my advice sometimes. Other times, I give horrible advice no one should ever follow, so it’s really a toss-up when it comes to me.

He freezes. “Say it again.”

“Which part?”

He huffs a laugh. “That you love me. Because I love you more than I could ever express. My entire universe starts and ends with you, little raven.”

Feeling brave, I stand on my tiptoes to brush my mouth against his. “I love you, Leviathan.”

“I love you too, Izzy,” he whispers against my mouth before he slams his lips against mine, dominating the once-soft kiss.

While ravaging my mouth, Levi removes his hands from the wall and grabs me by my ass. He hoists me up and presses me against the smooth stone. I wrap my legs around him and moan into the kiss when he grinds his hard dick against me. I rock into him, wanting and needing more.

He tears his mouth away from mine, his chest heaving as he watches me, his gaze hooded. “I want you. I want to fuck you until you don’t know where you end and I begin. Do you want that? If it’s too much after today, that’s okay too.”

“Of course I want you, Levi. And I could use some new good memories to chase away all the bad ones dug up today,” I reluctantly admit.

Remembering how their hands felt on me, how their breath smelled, how powerless I felt is hard. I need something to help me get out of the endless loop of memories playing in my mind.

“You’ll tell me if any of it is too much or if you need to stop. I will always stop when you tell me to, okay? No matter what’s going on, no matter how close to finishing I am, I will always stop.”

I nod, trying to swallow past the lump in my throat. My emotions are all over the place. Part of me is overwhelmed by how thoughtful and considerate he’s being. The other part can’t help but worry he sees me differently now that he knows.

“Yeah,” I whisper once I can force out the words. “But I’m not broken. You don’t have to treat me like I’m fragile.”

I don’t want any of my mates to treat me any differently now that they know some of what happened. I just want them to treat me like I’m whole, even though I know I’m fractured in spots.

“You are the furthest thing from broken, little raven. You are so damn strong, and I’m constantly amazed by you.

” His eyes shine with pride as he looks at me.

“But you have gone through things that would leave a lasting impact on anyone. I try to be sensitive to triggers for everyone I love, and you’re no exception. ”

I scoff. “I highly doubt you’ve dealt with many people who have triggers or are as fucked up as I am.”

He huffs a laugh. “Hades wins the competition for most triggers. By far. I love my brother, but he’s all kinds of fucked up from how we were raised and how he came to power.

There are lots of things I can’t do, like approach him from behind, try to wake him up, touch his shoulders, and more.

Believe it or not, Seph had a hard upbringing as well.

She has many things we have to be mindful of around her.

I’m sure she’d share if you ask her about it.

The point is that you are not alone in struggling with your past, and I will never judge you for it. ”

My heart hurts for Hades and Seph. While Hades’s past has hardened him, Seph’s childhood has made her softer and more understanding. And my experiences have made me a distrustful motherfucker who struggles to let people in.

It’s funny how all the messed-up things people go through shape them in different ways.

“What about you? What are your triggers?” I ask softly because Hades wasn’t the only one with Lua as a mother.

He sighs and leans his forehead against mine. “Too many to list right now. Lua fucked both of us up when we were kids. But some of them are getting slapped, anyone waking me up, and before you, sleeping in the same bed as someone else.”

As much as I want to push, so I know what I shouldn’t do around him, I can respect that he doesn’t want to talk about it right now. “You don’t have to sleep in the same bed as me if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to,” he assures me. “There’s nothing in the universe better than holding you. It was just something I had to get used to.”

My heart melts into a pile of goo. “Anyone ever told you you’re really sweet?”

He barks out a laugh. “I’m fairly certain you’re the only person in this realm who thinks that.”

“Why?”