Page 38

Carrie got to her car, her nerves pulsing.

Still disturbed by some of the talk at the salon, she wasn’t ready to collect Emily. In that moment, driving through Clear River, she wished that she and Luke had never left California. She missed the life they’d had there.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was a good life.

She knew returning to Texas to be with her dad and give Luke a fresh start had been the right thing to do. But Dr. Bernay wasn’t wrong when she said it would be difficult, that it could even unblock painful memories. So far, Carrie had faced ugly gossip, media scrutiny and an execution. Her struggle to heal had been troubling, her memories of the tragedy coming in excruciating drips.

Dr. Bernay had believed she could handle it.

But Carrie wasn’t so certain.

Holding on to the wheel, she thought of Thomas Wolfe’s book You Can’t Go Home Again . Surveying the old center of town, she saw how some things were the same. There was city hall, the courthouse, the bank and the old Chronicle building. She looked at the storefronts. Fondly, she took in Clear River Fix-It Hardware, which was once owned by Clay Smith’s fam ily. Now it was Billie’s Pizza. There was Dyment’s flower shop, now an accounting office; Tracy’s Diner was now a boutique; and Sue’s Bakery was now a coffee shop, reminding Carrie how quickly life could change.

Since her move back, each time she passed through downtown was bittersweet, almost haunting. And it was even more acute today with comments from the salon echoing in her mind. Opal, fixated on their Franklin project and his clever sayings, as if she were mired in the past, telling Carrie to remember “our time in high school.” That’s the whole problem, Opal. Then Lacey and Grace saying how she must be relieved since Hyde confessed, how after his execution she should be able to “put it to rest.”

How can I ever put it to rest without knowing what happened, why Erin and Abby were killed and why I survived?

Carrie left the downtown, smiling when she passed the Whataburger where she’d worked and where Luke said he’d first set eyes on her. She couldn’t remember meeting him there.

She kept going, eventually finding herself at the edge of downtown and parked at the old dance hall with something stirring…something about Abby and Erin. Yes, there was the incident in the cafeteria that day when their group, the older seniors, bullied Lanna… Rama-Lanna-Ding-Dong. Carrie had defended her, stood up to them.

Then…

At school, after the scene in the cafeteria, Abby and Erin shot Carrie icy stares between classes in the hallways. She’d let it go, tried to ignore them. But what happened next?

Now Carrie looked at the old dance hall, a big white wooden building that went up in the 1900s. Staring at it, something flicked in her subconscious, pulling something to the surface.

The old dance hall.

Carrie held her head in her hands.

It was coming to her.

Yes, after the standoff in the cafeteria, there was the Halloween party at the dance hall. Everyone dressed up. There was music, lights flashing on dancing zombies, vampires, werewolves, ghouls and monsters.

Then what?

Carrie’s memory stopped there.

Feeling lost, she looked at the old building, as if expecting it to conjure up the answers she needed.

It was futile.

Frustrated that the dance hall memory had faded before yielding more information, she drove off. She glimpsed cars and traffic in her rearview mirror. Then she glanced at the baby back-seat mirror and Emily’s empty car seat. High school was long over; she was an adult, a mother, a wife. Why couldn’t she put it all behind her and live her life?

Some part of her needed to remember.

She drove aimlessly while grappling with her torment, her heart beating faster when she stopped at the edge of Wild Pines Forest.

She hadn’t been back since it happened.

A tornado raged through her—scenes of her mom and dad arguing; her mother’s death; the cafeteria; the dance hall monsters; Hyde’s execution; Ben Franklin’s quotes; voices telling her, Put it to rest .

From the driver’s seat of her car, Carrie looked into the woods.

Where Erin and Abby died.

Where I almost died.

Were the answers buried in there?

Go in. Hyde’s dead. It’s safe now. Go in.

But she was frozen. Her heart pounding because she was… running for my life, the ground under me vanishing at the cliff…my legs pumping in midair…the river shoots up, swallows me…flailing in the rushing current pinballing in the rocks then…like a hammer striking my head, everything goes dark…the abyss…and I wake in the hospital…my father looking down at me…

What happened in the woods?

Carrie pounded her fists on her steering wheel.

Why can’t I remember?

After a long moment, regaining composure, she caught her breath.

Was that car parked far off in the distance the same one that she’d glimpsed near the dance hall?

Is someone following me?

A soft vibration sounded and she reached for her phone.

Denise Diaz was texting her again.

Carrie’s finger was hovering above Delete, but she hesitated, the words coming clear on the screen.

I’ve obtained the full case file. It sheds light on the murders. Please talk to me.