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Chapter Seventeen

A nna didn’t like his brutal assessment of himself, nor how he twisted her into his self recriminations. “All true? Until me? Rubbish.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me, Caden Thurgood. Your summation is utter nonsense. You are nothing like the man you just described. Unless you’re always in your altitudes and have somehow managed to hide that truth from me and the rest of the world?”

She began examining his face, jaw and neck.

“Allow me to point out—what in God’s name are you doing, Anna?”

She stopped her perusal and arched a brow.

“I spent years helping my father treat men such as your father, dissipated from excessive drink. I’m sorry to refute your basis for self-loathing, but I don’t see the loose jowls, saggy neck, nor any other of the physical signs of long-practiced debauchery. ”

He snorted, and Anna was encouraged to see a brief glint of humor in his eyes.

“I’m no drunkard.”

“Then you’re addicted to cards? Horse racing? To the disgusting practice of rooster fighting?”

“Rooster fighting?” He sounded appalled. “Of course not.”

“To laying outlandish wagers on fights or duels or any number of unknown outcomes, then?”

“No.” He drew out the word as if speaking to an ignorant child. “I do, however, play for sport, in spite of my family’s understandable views.”

“Finally we’re getting somewhere. You can’t resist the call of that unattainable, life-altering win. Is that it?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’ve never heard any particular call.”

As she’d surmised. “Then what? Do you at least make a practice of wagering all you own and then some?”

She expected a ready, No.

Instead, he paused before replying. “It’s not a practice. But, there was a time I did just that.”

As if in emphasis, a glowing log in the grate snapped. Embers erupted up the chute.

She wrapped her arms around her midsection. “Go on then.”

“It was during my days at university. My last year. By then, Zeke already traveled almost constantly, seeking the elusive pot of gold at the rainbow’s end—for the family.”

Anna made a scoffing sound. “Another sort of gambling if you ask me.”

Caden slanted her a quelling glance. “I wanted to take some of the burden off him. Our father had squandered Claybourne’s resources ’til there was virtually nothing left to draw upon.

Zeke and the earl had to scrape together every shilling, call in every favor, to keep the estate running and undo the damage caused by father’s mismanagement and, as it happened, outright siphoning of resources.

"As if by miracle, Zeke kept food on our tables and all our servants employed. He kept the creditors off our backs and Chissington Hall from crumbling at our feet.”

“I gather your meaning,” she murmured. “You admire him greatly, do you not?”

Caden laughed softly, as if seeing the truth of her words and somewhat surprised by them.

“I suppose I do.” He cleared his throat. “I wanted to help. I had a year left before I graduated Oxford. I told him, thanks to my marks, I’d acquired a benefactor who’d agreed to pay my tuition, housing, expenses, for my last year.”

“I take it there was no benefactor?”

He shook his head. “The previous year, I scrimped and saved my quarterly allowance, sometimes going without food. I ventured into the hells, father’s stomping grounds. I watched. I learned. I played. I won. I doubled down. Then tripled. I couldn’t lose. Neither Zeke nor the earl had a clue.”

Anna stayed silent, riveted by Caden’s tale.

“I was more than lucky, I had—have—a knack for reading people at the tables. I know when to fold, I know when to ante up. I know when to walk away. I don’t need the game…I’m good at it, if that makes sense? Even now, especially now—since then—I only dabble for fun.”

“Since then. What happened?”

“A school mate of mine came to me, in financial straights. He’d heard of my skills and asked for my help. Said he knew of a tourney. Very secret, very high stakes. He convinced me to combine our funds to raise the sum necessary to enter. Every penny we had went into the pot.”

“And you lost.”

Caden scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “Not only did I lose, but it turned out my friend’s contribution came from borrowed funds.

His creditors beat him to within an inch of his life when they learned he couldn’t pay.

They threatened to kill him if he didn’t come up with the scratch.

The money he needed was….exorbitant. I could have killed him myself when I realized what he’d done—and that I would have to go to Zeke. ”

“Your brother bailed you out?”

Caden laughed without mirth. “He did. And discovered, in the process, the game was rigged. He got most of my money back. But by then, his suspicions were aroused. He set up a meeting with me, the dean, and the minister of finance. Needless to say, everything came out. That there was no benefactor, that I had been gambling to cover my tuition, my expenses, that I was the biggest disappointment of his life since father.”

“Caden, that’s not fair. However misguided, he had to know you were trying to help—both him and your friend.”

“I nearly got my friend killed.”

“ Your friend nearly got himself killed. Correct me if my suspicions prove incorrect, but you had paid all your bills. Your share came from what was left.”

“That’s not the point.” He glared at her, clearly irritated over her refusal to see him as a debauched, irresponsible, lout.

She threw her hands in the air. “So what is the point? That you made a mistake when you were young enough to not know any better? ”

“The point is, Zeke had a strong basis for the recent assumptions he made, and his observations were spot on.”

“Oh, now I see. Your perfect, paragon of a brother catalogued your sins and, now you’ve had a moment to stew on it, you’ve bought his judgement hook, line, and sinker.

” She paused. “We are referring to the man who left the country for long stretches, pursuing his own dreams over a period of years, thereby leaving you and the earl to fend for yourselves in his absence?”

Caden’s tawny brows furrowed. “Someone’s been keeping up with the happenings in my family.”

She lifted her chin. “It’s common knowledge.”

He gazed at her sidelong. “I see. In any case, Zeke traveled because he had a responsibility to replenish the family coffers which our father had depleted.”

“Which your father depleted, which you grandfather permitted. Lots and lots of mistakes to go around, Caden—as in every family. Maybe your brother did sacrifice himself. So did you—scrimping and saving and doing everything in your power not to ask him for anything. Except for when you tried to help a friend.”

His scowl deepened. He opened his mouth to reply.

She held up a hand, palm out. “I wonder. Did your brother never consider that something might happen to the earl during his long absences?”

“Of course. He knew I would look after our grandfather should the need arise.”

She sniffed meaningfully.

“When I wasn’t away at some party or other,” he added in a sullen tone .

A fond smile pulled at the corners of her lips. She crept forward and grasped the lapels of his robe, needing to be near him, the stubborn fool.

“Caden, it seems to me you’re guilty of nothing more than growing up slowly, perhaps due to a lack of supervision.

Your heart has always been in the right place, and immaturity is not a crime.

It’s a far cry from the sins perpetrated by your poor, weak, father, who, by the way, you are nothing alike. ”

He stared into her eyes, then covered her hands with his. Heat from his palms seared her skin. “I don’t know why you’re defending me. Especially after the things I said to you. The assumptions I made. The liberties I took.”

She lowered her gaze, her heart thudding painfully in her chest.

“Anna, what happened between us was entirely my fault. I saw the signs, I should have known you were an innocent—”

Her gaze shot to his. “The signs?”

“Yes. Your innocence was right there in front of me.” His eyes warmed as he smiled down at her. “Your tell-tale blushes? Needing me to spell-out everything concerning the lax societal rules at house parties? Among other things.”

She glared at him.

“I took advantage of you. I missed the signs precisely because I wanted to miss them.”

She’d had enough. “Caden Thurgood, you did not take advantage of me. I am a woman grown, fully capable of making my own decisions. May I remind you it was I who came to your bed chamber earlier tonight, alone, knowing full well what the ramifications of that decision might be? It was I who initiated the last kiss we shared.”

“Yes, but-- ”

“Furthermore, I find it insulting that you hide behind platitudes rather than admit the plain truth.”

He cocked his head, a frown pulling at his mouth. “Which is?”

She lifted her chin. “You have no taste for greenhorn, inexperienced women and now find me,” she swallowed, “repugnant.”

An odd expression crossed his too-handsome face.

“You needn’t worry. I don’t expect a repeat of,” she made an inarticulate sound and a vague gesture with her hand and prayed the golden firelight would not reveal the hot flush scalding her cheeks.

“In fact, I suggest we go on as if nothing untoward ever occurred. But I will not, will not, allow you to treat me like a child who did not act of her free will.”

“Anna—"

“Perhaps I’m being too hard on you. You can’t help taking responsibility. Your innate chivalry drives you to take up the cause for everyone and everything that crosses your path—”

“Anna,” he said more loudly.

Misery settled over her. She’d said too much, as usual. “Yes?”

A soft laugh of incredulity escaped him. “Did you really conclude that I no longer find you desirable?”

“It’s as plain as the bruise on your face, and of no consequence, I assure you.”

One corner of his mouth curved up in a laconic smile. “How very clever of you to work that out on your own.”