Page 45

AIDEN

I don’t remember walking out the door. All I remember is the sound of it clicking shut behind me. That tiny, final sound. Like a period at the end of a sentence you never wanted to read.

I don’t remember how I got to the rink. Or to the locker room. Or why I’m still sitting here in full gear, soaked in sweat and heartbreak, long after practice ended.

I just know that when she said she didn’t love me, something in me snapped—and then nothing. A whole lot of nothing.

Will’s voice cuts through the static in my head. “You gonna sit there all night, man?”

I don’t answer. Roman drops down onto the bench across from me, his expression unreadable but his eyes too damn knowing. “She said it, didn’t she?”

I glance at him, jaw locked. He already knows. Of course he does.

“She said she doesn’t love me.”

Will winces. Roman swears under his breath. I laugh, but it’s hollow. Bitter. “She kissed me like she meant it and said goodbye like she didn’t. Then she looked me in the eye and ripped me apart like it was easy.”

Silence stretches between the three of us.

“I thought I could handle it,”

I say, my voice cracking. “I thought if she didn’t love me, I’d feel...angry. Numb. Something. But all I feel is empty. Like she reached in and took whatever was left of me with her.”

Roman leans forward, elbows on his knees. “You don’t believe her.”

“Does it matter?”

I whisper. “She said it. She meant for me to hear it. That has to count for something.”

I run a hand through my hair, exhaling hard as I lean back against the wall. My spine hits the cold surface, but I barely feel it. My mind’s not here. It’s somewhere else—locked in that night, stuck in the look on her face, the way everything shifted before I even understood what was happening.

“I fell in love with her that night, you know?”

I say. My voice comes out quieter than I expect, almost like I’m admitting it to myself for the first time.

“The night she let me be there for her after her surgery.”

The truth tastes heavy in my mouth. “My mind has been a fucking mess ever since—filled with thoughts of only her and the way she looked at me.”

Rome just shakes his head and lets out a soft chuckle. But he doesn’t get it. Not really. He wasn’t there. He didn’t feel it snap into place.

“You don’t get it,”

I say, because I have to say it. “It wasn’t just attraction, it wasn’t just some fleeting moment. It was her—every part of her.”

I grip my hockey stick in my hand a little tighter. My fingers are tense, aching, but I can’t let go. I suck in a breath, slower this time.

“The sound of her voice, the warmth of her skin… it became the only home I’ve ever known.”

I look down, almost ashamed of how real that still feels. “Because, somehow, I felt more at home in her arms than I ever did in my own damn house.”

Will watches me, but he stays quiet. Maybe that’s what I need. No advice. No comfort. Just space to say it out loud.

I let out a laugh, low and bitter, shaking my head like I can’t believe it either. “I fell in love that night. The night she let me in—really let me in. When she was vulnerable and didn’t try to hide the fucked up parts. And now?”

I pause. My chest feels too tight again. Like it’s folding in on itself.

“I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to exist without her.”

Will exhales, dragging a hand through his hair. “She’s scared, man. You know that. She doesn’t lie well, but she lies when she’s terrified. You think she kissed you because she doesn’t care?”

I drop my head into my hands. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”

Roman’s voice softens. “What did she say exactly?”

I don’t want to say it out loud again. But I do.

“She said this—us—was a mistake. That I need to get over her. That she doesn’t love me.”

Will lets out a low whistle. “Damn.”

“She looked me right in the eye,”

I say, swallowing hard. “Like she wanted to believe it, too. Like she needed me to believe it.”

“You think she was trying to protect herself?”

Roman asks.

“Maybe. Or maybe she was trying to protect me.”

“From what?”

Will says. “From being loved by her?”

I laugh, but it’s more of a choked sound. “From being wrecked by her. From being someone she can’t fix. From being the reason she falls apart.”

Roman shakes his head. “You’ve never been her downfall, Aiden. You’re the only one who’s ever kept her steady.”

I stare at the floor, the weight of it all pressing down on me. “Then why does it feel like I’m the reason she’s walking away?”

Neither of them answers. And maybe there is no answer.

A couple hours later, we end up at Maddie and Alina’s. There’s supposed to be some team movie night. Distraction. Noise. Something to keep my mind off the train wreck of my life. I’m doing fine. Or faking it well enough.

Until she walks in. Katerina Hart, has the kind of beauty that you appreciate, even from afar. She steps into the living room like she hasn’t just shattered me into a thousand pieces. Like we’re strangers again. She’s wearing Alina’s hoodie, hair up, no makeup, and she still looks like the most important thing in every room she enters.

And my heart? My heart does that stupid thing where it leaps. My hands clench and unclech, as anxiety starts creeping in. Will sees it. Roman sees it. I bet even the fucking couch sees it.

Kat freezes for a second when she sees me. And that second is everything. Because her mask slips. Her eyes go soft. Her lips part like she forgot how to breathe.

Then Maddie says something and the moment’s gone. Kat glances away and sits at the far end of the couch, like there aren’t magnets under our skin pulling us back together.

I can’t stop staring at her, but she won’t look at me.

Roman elbows me. “Still think she doesn’t love you?”

I don’t answer. Because deep down, I already know she does.

She just doesn’t know how to love me without setting herself on fire in the process.

And I don’t know how to stop burning for her.

Will nudges me with a beer. “C’mon. You need to relax. Pretend she’s not here for five minutes.”

“Yeah, sure,”

I mutter. “I’ll just ignore the girl who gutted me two hours ago. Easy.”

Roman smirks. “We’re not saying it’s easy. We’re saying you’re spiraling and it’s painful to watch.”

I shoot him a glare, but it’s weak. “Thanks, Doc.”

“Anytime, heartbreak hotel.”

We settle in for the movie. Sort of. I don’t know what’s playing. Some action thing. People are getting shot. Blown up. Whatever. Roman and Will are doing their best to keep things light. Roman keeps tossing popcorn at Will’s face. Will’s giving him shit about missing open nets last game. Everyone else is laughing.

Except me.

Except her.

Across the room, Kat’s curled up next to Alina, legs tucked under her, eyes fixed on the screen but unfocused. She laughs at the right moments. Says the right things. But I can see it. She’s not here either. Halfway through the movie, I can’t take it anymore. I get up, mutter something about needing air, and slip out onto the balcony. The night is cold, biting against my skin even through my hoodie. I lean on the railing, trying to breathe.

A minute later, the door slides open. Will steps out, handing me another drink.

“You’re allowed to hurt,”

he says quietly.

“I don’t want to hurt. I want to shut it off.”

“Then go tell her how you feel.”

“I already did.”

“And?”

“She still walked away.”

He shrugs. “Then maybe now it’s her turn to come back.”

I shake my head. “I’m tired of being the only one who shows up.”

Roman joins us, holding out a pack of gum like it’s a peace offering. “We’re not letting you sulk all night. You either confront her or you do shots with us and talk shit until you feel human again.”

“I’ll take the shots.”

We head back in, and the rest of the night blurs into something weirdly familiar—guys being guys, teasing, laughing too loud, talking trash over Mario Kart. And for a second, I forget how bad it hurts. Kat stays quiet, doesn’t interact much, but I catch her watching me. Once. Twice. A third time when she thinks I’m not looking. And every single time, it wrecks me a little more.

At some point, Maddie declares it’s time for board games. Roman talks me into playing. Kat ends up on the other team.

Our eyes meet when we sit across from each other.

For one second, I forget how to breathe again. She looks away first.

The game goes on. Our friends are loud. A couple of shots in I’m laughing. I’m making jokes. I’m being the version of myself they expect.

But inside, I’m still stuck on that look. That moment. That one breath of vulnerability I saw in her eyes before she buried it.

Later, as people start to clear out, I help Will grab some trash bags. We’re in the kitchen when Kat walks in to grab water. She doesn’t notice me at first. Then she does. She freezes, and I do too. The silence stretches, thick and electric.

She doesn’t say anything and Neither do I. But I want to. God, I want to ask her if she meant it. If she regrets it. If she even knows how hard it is to breathe when she’s near and I can’t touch her.

She grabs her water and turns to leave.

Right before she disappears, she pauses. Doesn’t look back, but says, “You didn’t deserve what I said.”

Then she’s gone.

And I’m left standing there, that one line echoing in my head like it means something.

Like maybe… just maybe… this isn’t the end after all.