Page 43

KATERINA

T he figure skating house is quiet. It’s the kind of silence that should feel peaceful, should make me feel at home—but it doesn’t. Because no matter how many times I try to tell myself this is where I belong, no matter how much I remind myself that skating is my priority, that I can’t afford distractions—I still feel wrong.

I stare at my phone for the hundredth time, my thumb hovering over Aiden’s name.

I squeeze my eyes shut, taking a deep breath. I can’t talk to him. I won’t talk to him. I need to clear my head. I need to focus.

So why does it feel like I can’t breathe without him? A soft knock at my door pulls me from my thoughts. I already know who it is before I open it.

Alina stands there, arms crossed, one brow arched. “Are we going to talk about it?”

I sigh, stepping aside so she can come in. She closes the door behind her and sits on my bed, watching me carefully. “Kat, you’ve been avoiding him.”

“I’m not—”

She glares.

I groan, rubbing my temple. “Fine. I am.”

Alina leans forward. “He’s worried, you know.”

I swallow hard. “He’ll be fine.”

She scoffs. “Yeah? And what about you? Because from where I’m sitting, you look miserable.”

I am miserable. But I don’t say that. Instead, I shake my head. “I just need time.”

Alina studies me for a long moment, then exhales. “You’re

scared.”

I stiffen. “No, I’m focused.”

She tilts her head. “Focused on what? Running away? Pushing him away?”

I flinch, but she doesn’t stop. “You think if you avoid him, you’ll suddenly forget what he means to you? That it’ll make everything easier?”

My throat tightens. “Alina—”

“You love him, Kat.”

My breath catches. The words sting—not because they’re wrong, but because they’re too right. And I hate it.

“I can’t,”

I whisper. “I can’t afford to love him.”

Alina’s expression softens. “Why? Because you fell once?”

I clench my fists. “Because if I let myself have him, I’ll lose

everything else.”

She shakes her head. “No, Kat. You’re just scared of choosing him.”

Tears burn behind my eyes, and I look away. “I need to focus on skating.”

She sighs, standing up. “Skating is your dream. But Aiden? He’s part of your life. You don’t have to choose.”

I don’t say anything, and after a long pause, Alina steps toward the door.

“At some point,”

she says softly, “you’re going to have to stop running. I love you but i have to start getting ready for the competition.”

I nod as she places a kiss on top of my head. Ali stands up and walks out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. And for the first time since I left the hockey house—I start to wonder if I made the biggest mistake of my life.

After grabbing lunch, we all get ready for Alina’s and Maddie’s qualifier tonight. I put on a pair of black Lululemon leggings, white socks, and an oversized black sweater. I add my thick brown coat, a black beanie, and slide my feet into my beige Tasman Ugg slippers.

Grabbing my phone, I head downstairs, where Alexei is running a lint roller over Grayson’s back.

They both turn toward me the moment they see me.

“Hey, Kat,”

Graysen says, wrapping his arms around me. I hesitate, but Alexei glares at me, so I hug him back.

“I love you, but sometimes you’re dumb.”

I roll my eyes at Alexei’s Russian words as he wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.

“You broke his heart.”

He continues in Russian. I frown, my heartbeat accelerating in fear. Grayson kisses Alexei’s cheek and runs outside to his car.

“Is Aiden okay?”

I ask, panic creeping in. Alexei sighs, shaking his head.

“Grayson said he started trashing his room and then ran out. He won’t answer anyone’s calls.”

I rub my chest as a panic attack creeps in. My breathing fastens, and Alexei shakes his head.

“Hey, you’re fine. He will be fine.”

I nod. Alexei’s right. He will be fine. Fuck.

I should’ve just talked to him. Fuck, fuck, fuck. God, why am I so stupid? He loves me.

“Stop overthinking. We need to be there for Alina and Maddie tonight.”

I nod, closing my hands into fists, feeling the tips of my nails dig into my skin, anchoring me to the real world.

The four of us get into Grayson’s car, and fifteen minutes later, we arrive at the arena. Maddie and Alina run inside to grab their numbers, while I tag along behind with Grayson and Alexei.

We check in and take our seats as the figure skaters warm up on the ice.

I scan the arena, and my eyes land on Roman tucked in the back. I tell Alexei I’ll be back and make my way toward him.

“Hey, stranger,”

I say, taking the seat next to him. Roman looks at me but doesn’t say anything.

“Does she know you’re here?”

Roman shakes his head, biting his bottom lip as his right leg bounces up and down.

He’s nervous for her.

“You love her, don’t you?”

Roman looks at me, and I understand. He loves her, but he doesn’t know how to love her right.

My heart hurts for my best friends.

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I also suck at this shit.”

I turn my head to face the ice again.

“No, you don’t.”

My eyes scan the arena, and they land on Aiden’s warm honey eyes. My heart skips a beat as we stare at each other. He doesn’t move, and neither do I.

We just stare at each other. I want to scream and ask him, why he bailed on me. Why he didn’t even bother to send me a text? I was to scream and yell at him.

“I don’t know why you won’t talk to him, because anyone with two eyes in their head can see how much you both love each other.”

I gulp, glancing back at Aiden, who’s still looking at me.

“Brotherly advice: Stop self-sabotaging. Yes, figure skating means a lot, but having someone who loves you like that? It won’t come again.”

I nod as my eyes leave Aiden’s when the presenter starts welcoming us and reads the order of performances.

Alina is fifth, and Maddie is ninth. I sigh, rubbing my hands together, trying to calm my anxiety. I see Will walk in, and the moment he sees me and Roman, he takes a seat next to him.

Aiden stands up from his seat, but I get distracted and lose sight of him when Alexei yells out my name. He flips us off and gets up with Grayson following behind him.

They sit behind us as Alexei complains about having to move. I turn around and glare at him, telling him to stop talking before we get kicked out of the arena. Alexei huffs, crossing his arms over his chest, but nods, rolling his eyes. I smile and blow him a kiss. Someone sits next to me, and my heart jumps out of my chest when I turn around and see who it is.

Aiden.

He sits there, his body tense, staring straight ahead, not even bothering to look at me. I flinch when I feel Roman pinch my thigh. “You’ve been staring at him for the last two minutes. Just trying to help you not look crazy.”

I lean into Roman in disbelief.

“It’s real? He’s sitting next to me?”

Roman nods, and I lean back in my seat.

I thought my mind was playing tricks on me.

After the first four performances, the presenter says Alina’s name, and we all stand up, cheering for her.

Alina skates into the middle of the arena as the lights dim. I move to the edge of my seat, nervous as hell for my best friend. “Work Song”

by Hozier starts playing, and my throat closes up. I can feel Aiden’s body heat, even though there is no part of him touching me.

Ali glides around the rink with such poise and perfect movements. My best friend was born to be a figure skater. The class and gentleness in every move hypnotize not just me but everyone in the audience. She jumps into a quad toe and lands it perfectly. I stand up, screaming and cheering for her as I clap my hands. My best friend grabs the edge of her blade and spins around.

If Roman didn’t love her before, he definitely does now.

Alina skates around and then jumps again, my jaw falling open when she lands a quad axel perfectly. Alexei stands up, screaming as I try to gather my thoughts.

“Oh my god, oh my god,”

I shout, grabbing Roman’s and Aiden’s arms.

“She landed a fucking quad axel. Oh my god.”

Roman grins at me as he claps for the love of his life.

I turn toward Aiden, who is staring at my hand wrapped around his bicep. I remove it quickly, muttering an apology under my breath, and clear my throat, looking straight ahead.

I can feel his eyes on me but I refuse to look at him.

Alina finishes her routine, and the arena erupts in cheers. Alina waves at us, but her smile drops when she sees who is next to me.

“Fuck, I should have not come.”

Roman whispers as he sits down. I pat his back.

“It’s okay Roman. Just keep trying.”

Roman nods, running a hand over his face in frustration.

Soon, it’s Maddie’s turn, and we all cheer for her as she takes her spot in the middle of the rink.

“Salvatore”

by Lana Del Rey starts playing, and our best friend begins her routine. My eyes follow Maddie’s every move as she glides gracefully on the ice. She jumps into a triple quad, and we all stand to cheer as she lands it perfectly.

When the final results are announced, Alina wins gold, and Maddie wins silver. We all jump and cheer, hugging each other, celebrating our friends wins.

I turn to my left, but the seat is empty. He left. I get up and run toward the exit.

Maybe I’ll catch him. Maybe I can tell him I want to hear why he didn’t show up, but when I step outside, he’s gone. No cars moving. Nobody on sight.

I bite back a cry, lifting my hands to my head. How am i going to fix this?