Page 75 of Ice & Steel

OLIVIA

A month passed. I hung a calendar in the bathroom behind the door. Every night after I’d had my shower and done my skincare, I took a pen and crossed out one more day.

Sometimes I felt like a prisoner in an underground cell. Scratching another notch onto the stone wall of my confinement.

That was all in my head. The island was luxurious, but my anxiety about being parted from him made it feel small.

Outwardly, I was thriving.

Inside, I was shattered.

It was high summer and the tides were low. The boys spent their time eating vegetables from the garden, fresh baked bread soaked in olive oil, and cheese from the goats Cosimo and Hugo kept on the far side of the island.

Fruit ripened slowly in the orchard where Lucien had chased me and had his way with me on the packed earth. I got up early before the boys some days and went walking through the trees to the cliff on the other side. The ocean glittered in the early sun and I felt like Penelope waiting for her beloved.

Enza joined me one day, a few weeks in. She was still in her night slip and she’d pulled a shawl around her shoulders and arms. Her feet were bare, like mine. It was always too warm to bother with shoes.

“He’s coming back,” I whispered.

Her eyes moved slowly over the horizon, where the world ended and everything else was just the great beyond. Her jaw tensed and she released a slow sigh that sank her shoulders.

“I know,” she said finally.

“Do you?” I whispered.

“I hope,” she said, looking at me with a soft gaze. “Cosimo will join him in a few weeks and I hope to God they come back.”

I swallowed past the dry lump in my throat. Either the sun was getting brighter or there were tears gathering on my lashes. Out of habit, I lifted my chin and let my shoulders drop as my spine straightened.

“And if they don’t?”

“We live here,” she said. “We raise our children and forget the city.”

It took everything I had not to burst into tears. We stood silently for several minutes and then she slid her arm around my waist and rested her cheek on my shoulder.

“You’re a strong woman, Olivia,” she said. “And so am I. It hasn’t been very long since Lucien left and if he said he’d come back, I’d believe him. When has he ever lost?”

I sniffed. “Never.”

“Cosimo believes he’ll pull through and that’s good enough for me,” said Enza softly. “But this is still so hard for you, so you call me if you need anything. Even if it’s just someone to come over and stay with you when you can’t sleep. Okay?”

Grateful and on the verge of tears, I nodded. She hugged me and I felt her arms slip away and her footsteps died into silence. The wind whipped through my hair and dried my tears to salt on my cheeks.

I went inside and made breakfast. Watching my hands move like they weren’t even part of me. My body knew what to do even when my mind was so exhausted it retreated.

The boys woke and I let them eat on the porch. Marco helped set the plates outside and followed me into the kitchen. He leaned on the counter and watched me make myself a cup of coffee.

“Are you okay, Marco?” I asked.

His brow crooked. “Are you okay, mom?”

I nodded quickly, offering a reassuring smile. His eyes narrowed, hazel and calculating.

“It’s my job to take care of you,” he said firmly.

I stared at him, taking a beat to have a sip of coffee and wrap my mind around his words. He was twelve and already sounded just like his father and that hurt more than I’d expected.

“Who told you that?” I asked.