Page 37

37

LONDON, 1986

“There’s some bacon for you under the grill,” says John as Nicole pads into the kitchen, bleary-eyed from being up all night. “I’m just going to take this up to Cassie.”

“I’ll take it to her,” says Nicole hurriedly, snatching the butty from him and turning to leave as quickly as she came in. She needs to see Cassie before their father does.

Knocking gently on her sister’s bedroom door, she tiptoes her way into the darkened room, eyeing the clothes she’d carefully laid over the dressing-table pouffe, imagining the evidence that may have imprinted itself between the fibers. She’s hoping that, in the cold light of day, Cassie will reconsider whether she wants to go to the police, and Nicole wants to preserve every one of Michael’s abhorrent cells in readiness.

“Hey, are you feeling up to eating?” she asks quietly, not wanting to rattle Cassie’s already fragile state. “I’ve got one of Dad’s specials.”

There’s a groan, like the one Nicole is used to hearing on the mornings she’s unfortunate enough to be the one to wake Cassie for school. She opens one eye, stretching like a cat in the sliver of sunlight that’s bleeding around her festoon blind, and Nicole can’t help but be in awe of how Cassie’s holding up. But a split second later it’s as if she’s been hit by a ten-ton truck, looking around wide-eyed and curling up into the fetal position, as if protecting herself all over again.

“It’s OK, I’m here,” says Nicole, going to her as her shoulders convulse.

“I thought for a second it was all a nightmare,” says Cassie, crying into her. “I thought I’d dreamed it.”

The rage that Nicole had battled with all night, that very nearly saw her hunt Michael down, returns with a vengeance. She imagines him waking up in his king-size bed this morning, no doubt flanked by one, if not two, girls, reveling in his prowess. He’ll not give a second thought to what he did to Cassie, believing it’s his right to take whatever he wants, from whoever he wants, with no consequences.

If Ben were more of a man, he would have taken Michael to task well before now. But instead, he’s allowed a monster to manifest right in front of his eyes, disregarding rules and people. He wasn’t much better himself, his self-professed honor and loyalty falling spectacularly short last night.

“Shh, it’s going to be all right,” says Nicole, holding Cassie close and eyeing the bloodstained bandage she’d wrapped around Cassie’s wrist last night. Cassie had insisted that she must have been cut during the attack, but Nicole wasn’t convinced. “We’ll get through this together, but you have to tell the police.”

“I’m not going through it all over again,” says Cassie, her body shaking. “And it won’t just be the police, will it? I’ll have to tell Dad, a jury… then it will be all over the papers. Even if he’s found guilty, my life will be over.”

Nicole can’t bring herself to tell her that her life has already changed forever. Her body may heal, but her mind will always be broken, her innocence shattered by a man the world looks up to. How is that right?

“We’ve at least got to tell Dad,” says Nicole. “You can’t hide up here. He’s going to know something’s wrong.”

Cassie pulls at the nightie that Nicole had gently helped her into after giving her a bath last night. But the bruises that pepper her skin, darkening with every passing second, can’t be disguised. “I’ll be fine,” she says, more to convince herself than Nicole. “I don’t want him having to deal with this along with everything else he’s got going on.”

“Well, if you’re not going to tell the police, do you at least want to tell me what happened? It might help to talk about it…”

“I-I should never have—” stutters Cassie. “I should never have left Ben’s room… if I’d stayed with him, this would never have happened, but I was so angry and I wasn’t thinking straight…”

Nicole’s heart feels like it’s stopped beating. “You were with Ben last night?”

Cassie nods tearfully. “Please don’t be upset. I know what the papers said, but he swore it was all lies. He’s just got back from America and I wanted to see him face to face to make sure he was telling the truth.”

Nicole desperately wants to believe that this is another of Cassie’s fantasies, which she has lived out so vividly in her head that she can’t distinguish it from real life. But she can’t accuse her of lying; not now , not when there is so much at stake. “And so what happened?” she asks, daring to play along. “What went wrong?”

“When I got there, he just didn’t want to know,” says Cassie. “It was as if he’d had a better offer in the meantime and needed to get rid of me as quickly as possible.”

Nicole remembers feeling the very same and can’t help but wonder if they’ve both been played.

“It was as if I meant nothing to him,” Cassie goes on. “Like everything we’d shared had been forgotten.”

Nicole balks.

“And when I started getting upset, he got angry and told me it was over, that he had another girl already waiting in a room down the corridor for him.”

Nausea threatens to overwhelm Nicole as she listens to the parallels in Cassie’s version of events and her own.

“We can’t let him get away with this,” she hisses, not knowing if she’s referring to Michael or Ben.

“I got into Michael’s car willingly,” cries Cassie. “I even stupidly thought that if I slept with him, it would teach Ben a lesson.”

“But it wasn’t a choice you made in the end?” questions Nicole.

“No. I thought it, but would never have gone through with it. I kept saying no. I told him to stop. I didn’t want him to do it.”

Nicole’s jaw spasms as she attempts to bat away the image. “He doesn’t get to do what he did and just carry on living his charmed life,” she seethes.

“He’s Michael Delaney,” sobs Cassie. “He can get away with doing whatever he likes.”

“ No ,” says Nicole, as she looks at her little sister. “Not this time.”