Page 96 of I Don't Need Your Love

But a loud noise in the distance breaks me out of the trance. It’s one of the cleaners. He’s listening to music as he mops the gym floor, not paying any attention to us.

When I look back at Ryder, realization hits me. I kissed Ryder. And he kissed me back.

IkissedRyder.

This isn’t good. Not at all. Ryder and I are supposed to be friends. Friends don’t share the most amazing kiss on the planet.

And he’s not looking for a serious girlfriend. Even if he feels something for me, he has no intention of committing to me the way I deserve.

How could I have allowed myself to fall for him like this? He’s a good guy, but he’snotthe guy for me. Girls will always flock to him. I don’t think I could ever be special to him in the way I want to be special to a guy.

“I’m sorry,” I stammer as I back away. “This was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“Carly…”

“I need to go. Raven’s movie. I’m supposed to watch.”

“Carly…”

I grab my phone and spin around, racing to the door. For a second, I think he might run after me, but I don’t hear or feel him behind me. I escape to the girls’ dorm and am about to burst into my room, but I remember that my friends are in there. They’ll see the state I’m in and ask a million questions, and then I’ll have to admit that I actuallykissedRyder Bennett.

I rush into the bathroom instead and grab the sides of the sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are bright and my cheeks are rosy, my lips a little puffy. My chest still rises and falls.

Pressing my fingers to my lips, I yank my gaze away from the girl staring back at me. I feel like I ruined everything now. We might have been able to pretend that the almost-kiss never happened, but there’s no way in heck either of us can pretend therealkiss didn’t happen. How am I going to deal with this? With him? All I’ve felt since Ryder came to Harrington Bay Academy has been confusing emotions. He complicated my life in a way it’s never been complicated before.

Why couldn’t we just remain friends?

Chapter Thirty

Carly

My friends and I are at lunch on Monday, gobbling down a new dish the gourmet chef added to the menu, with a name I can’t pronounce. Well, they’re gobbling it down. I’m pushing it around with my fork, keeping my eyes trained on my plate because I know they’ll venture off on their own to places they shouldn’t go to. Like Ryder’s table.

He and I haven’t exchanged a single word since we shared that out-of-this-world kiss yesterday. Okay, maybe that’s on me because I did all I could to avoid him, even left my dorm very early and scarfed down my breakfast before any of the other students stepped foot in the dining hall. I just don’t know what will happen if I see him face to face. Just reliving the kiss causes a wave of confusing emotions to crash over me. It’s like my heart yearns for me to be close to him, but my brain has veto power. Because it knows that growing close to Ryder would only hurt me in the end.

That doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, a voice in my head reminds me.

I doubt that’s true. How can I just be friends with Ryder when all I’ll think about is the amazing kiss? And what’s to stop me from grabbing him and swallowing his lips with mine? My life was easier when we were practically strangers. Maybe that’s the best thing for us to be.

“Carly, you okay?” Raven asks. “You’ve hardly touched your food.”

“Hmm? Oh.” I stab my fork into a piece of chicken and take a small bite. My stomach instantly revolts. I don’t have an appetite.

“What is it, anyway?” Sophie asks as she brings another bite to her lips. “It’s delicious, but I have no idea what I’m putting in my body.”

Addie shrugs. “Something with chicken?”

They all laugh, but I continue pushing my food around my plate.

“Carly, why are you so quiet?” Raven asks.

I force a smile. “I’m okay.”

“Raven’s right,” Addie says. “You’ve been quiet all day. And you’re not eating, which is a major crime.”

“And you went straight to bed after your practice session with Ryder,” Sophie says. “We waited to watch the movie with you.”

My chest tightens at the mention of Ryder, the kiss once again invading my mind. A heavy sigh escapes my lips, causing all three of them to look at me.