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Chapter Four

COLETTE

My father leaves just a few minutes after the wedding planner gives us her presentation. She’s all cleavage and fluttering eyelashes as she talks to him, and I feel secondhand embarrassment for her because I already know that she’s going to get rejected.

“Do you have any other ideas you’d like me to add to your vision board?” she chirps.

My eyes widen at her words. Then I blink a few times. I’m not sure what to say exactly. I don’t have a vision board. And if I did, I’m sure this girl who is all rainbows and sunshine would not like it very much.

Because my vision board would be pain and suffering. It would be black. It would be darkness to the depths of eternity. It would be hell. That’s where I’m at right now. That is my life—hell.

I experienced only a brief moment of somewhat rainbows and sunshine, but it was in all muted colors. There was nothing bright and happy about it. Even though it was the happiest day of my life, it wasn’t perfect by any means. I was still alone—I just didn’t sleep alone.

I want Merrick back.

I should have fought harder for him, to stay with him, but I knew he didn’t really want me there. Giving him his life back while destroying my own was a nightmare. I deserved it, though.

I tried to take something that wasn’t mine. I tried to keep him even when I knew I was the absolute last thing he wanted in his life. And here I am, planning a wedding to some guy I don’t know, some guy who is probably going to do something disgusting to me.

“I don’t have anything else to add. Everything sounds amazing,” I say, half-lying.

I don’t have anything to add. That part is the truth. But everything she showed me is so opposite of what I would want. And there’s so much shit on her vision board that I don’t think she could add even one more thing.

She beams up at me as she gathers her things. I watch her move around and then stand before she makes her way toward the door. She looks back at me from over her shoulder, chewing on the corner of her bottom lip before she speaks.

“When you see your father, will you let him know that I’ve left?” she asks.

I almost laugh at her, but I don’t because I kind of feel sorry for her. Instead, I tell her that I’ll let him know and then watch as she moves through the dining room and out the front door. I let out a heavy sigh and close my eyes.

It’s seriously the most depressing meeting of my life. I don’t want to do any of this, and I am pissed off at myself for not being stronger. Maybe if I stand up to my father, he can just kill me and get my miserable existence over with once and for all.

“You look like you’re a lamb being led to slaughter,” Marcello announces from the doorway.

As much as I want to ignore him, he’s the only person, aside from my father, who has spoken to me since I was dragged back here. Opening my eyes, I force myself to stand, straightening my knees when I do.

“Aren’t I just that?” I ask.

He frowns, then looks down at his feet before he drags his gaze back up to meet my own. “Worse things to be in this world than someone’s owned cunt.”

I almost laugh in his face. If I thought he wouldn’t slap me across the room, I just might. Instead, I ignore him and brush past him as I make my way back to my bedroom. I’m hungry, but I don’t bother asking for lunch. I’ll just wait for dinner. I don’t want to be in the house with my father’s men walking around freely anyway, especially Marcello.

Closing my bedroom door behind me, I lock it and walk over to my bed. Falling backward, I stare at the ceiling and let out a heavy sigh. The world continues to move, and the people in it move on whether I’m here or not.

The only way I’m going to be able to make a change in my life is if I try to do it myself—again.

Third time is the charm, right?

Because I know, without a doubt, that no man will be coming to save me. It’s time I stop standing on the sidelines, stop watching everyone live their lives, stop allowing every single person around me to control me.

It’s time I try to take control myself—even if it kills me.

At least that’s what I tell myself. I’m not even sure that I believe my own internal thoughts. They seem completely out of this world—even to me.

MERRICK

Vaughn can’t tell me who took the proposal of marriage to Colette. He's given me everything he can on it, which isn’t much. I’m not sure if I’m going to figure anything out without going there myself.

“You need to go,” Grayson suggests.

“I do,” I agree. “Like fucking tomorrow.”

“Get your shit together and go. When you get a plan together, call us,” Boden says.

The men in my life who are so willing to help me don’t even ask any questions. They are ready in a goddamn instant. It shouldn’t surprise me because if the tables were turned in any way, I would be there for them as well—zero questions asked.

“Go,” Theron says, his gaze finding mine.

Shaking my head, I clear my throat. “I have work—” I begin, but I’m cut off by Grayson.

“Fuck that shit,” he growls, but it’s Theron who speaks. As he talks, I can feel his emotion filling the room—filling me. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but I listen to him anyway. I let his words settle inside of me, down to the marrow.

“We did not go through hell together, dig ourselves out of that hell, and become the men we are today just to turn our backs on one another when we’re needed the most. No one here fucked me over when I needed you, and we aren’t going to fuck you over, either.”

Shaking my head, I clear my throat as my gaze flicks between them. They’ve already helped me more than once, financially and otherwise, during this whole ordeal. They didn’t get pissed off or make any demands when I fucked up so badly that I was forced to marry a Mafia princess.

They should have severed all ties with me then.

I can’t ask them to back me up again, and I decide to tell them just that.

“You’ve already all done enough. I cannot ask you to do any more. I have to do this on my own. This is my shit.”

Theron snorts. “And Lucille wasn’t mine?”

“That’s different,” I argue.

There is a moment of silence where they all just stare at me, and my gaze flicks around the five of them still sitting at the table. I’m not sure how to end this conversation because I don’t want them to do a goddamn thing for me. They’ve done enough—brotherhood or not.

“It’s not, but you want to do this on your own. I think we’re good with that,” Hale says, speaking for the first time. “Until we’re not.”

“What’s that mean?” I ask.

He smirks. “Until you need us.”

Rolling my eyes, I run my fingers through my hair, tugging on the ends. They fucking frustrate me like no other. I start to stand, but Theron lifts his hand, which causes me to pause.

His gaze finds mine, and he holds it for a long moment before he speaks. “Don’t worry about work. We got you on that. And if you need us for more, then you got that, too.”

Jerking my chin toward him, I smile. “Thanks.”

“Go and get your woman.”

I almost laugh but decide against it. My woman . I’m not sure that she is mine, that she ever was in the first place, but I think that’s what I want from her. Colette Steele is my wife, and I’m not ready to roll over and give her up yet.

Leaving the conference room, I head toward my office. As much as I want to just pack my shit up and run, I need to tie up a few loose ends first. I’ve got some paperwork to send to Theron so he can write up contracts and bids.

Once I start working, I realize I have more than just a few things to catch up on. I’m not sure what time it is, but when a knock raps on my office door, I lift my head and call out for the person on the other side to come in.

It’s Vaughn who walks into the room. His eyes find mine instantly. “You’re still here,” he announces.

“I am,” I say.

Silently, he walks over to the sofa that’s across from my desk and flops down, causing it to groan under his weight. Arching a brow, I watch him as I wait for the reason he’s made his way into my space.

Vaughn crosses his ankle over his knee. I watch as he shakes his foot a few times, and then his expression turns serious as he takes me in. I’m not sure what he’s going to say, but I have a feeling whatever it is, I am without a doubt not going to like it.

“I wouldn’t ever say this in front of anyone,” he begins.

Pressing my lips together, I dip my chin and wait for him to continue. “I told you about Colette, but I wasn’t sure how you’d take it.”

“You’ve got something on your mind. Please tell me what it is.”

He clears his throat, releasing his ankle from it being propped on his knee. Slowly, he stands before he makes his way over to the window in my office. I watch as he rocks back on his heels before he turns his head, and his eyes find mine.

“You didn’t give much of a fuck about her when she walked away. In fact, it was only when you received that annulment that you decided to do something or feel something about her. Is this only because someone else is going to have your toy, or is this real?”

I should be pissed that he’s saying those things, but I would be asking the same questions if the tables were turned, so I can’t blame him. Thinking about his question, I’m not even sure what the answer is myself.

Just a few hours ago, I was so ready to go to New York and get my wife back. But was I really focused on her when I sat down and worked for so long that now it’s too late to leave? Or did I waste the time on purpose?

“I don’t know,” I murmur. “It all seems… confusing.”

I’m fucking thirty years old and confused about a woman. I know I shouldn’t be at my age, but at the same time, we had half of our childhoods stolen from us, so it’s not like we’re all emotionally mature in any way whatsoever.

“Yeah,” he grunts. “I think so, too.”

I don’t know if he’s saying that in reference to me or about something else. He seems preoccupied himself, though I don’t ask him why. There’s no sense in it. He wouldn’t tell me anyway.

“Maybe I should just let it go,” I mutter. “Colette is so shy that even in the time we were married, I couldn’t tell you anything personal about her.”

Vaughn snorts, arching a brow as he looks over to me. “Nothing?” he asks. “Nothing personal at all?”

My lips twitch into a smirk. “I’m not talking physical here,” I point out.

He chuckles, his gaze searching mine before he clears his throat. “Merrick,” he grunts.

Shrugging a shoulder, I close my eyes and slowly reopen them. I’m not sure what the fuck to say at this point. He’s not wrong. I didn’t go after her. In fact, even though I missed her, I didn’t even think about going and getting her.

Why now?

Because someone else is going to have her, and like a selfish kid, she was mine first.

My toy.

I’m no better than her fucking father.