Page 18 of Howl For A Kiss (Rebellious Mates #3)

SIXTEEN

DAMON

T he flicker of hope that had sparked in Damon's chest when Elena had begun to understand why he'd lied to her morphed into something heavier—acceptance mixed with profound regret.

"No, Elena, what I did was wrong," he said quietly, his voice rough with self-recrimination. "I shouldn't have carried on the charade for three days. I should have given you the respect you deserved by telling you exactly who I was when we first met."

His hands clenched into fists against his thighs, the makeshift cloth around his waist rough against his skin. The cave felt smaller suddenly, the air thick with unspoken truths and the weight of his guilt.

"You deserved honesty from the beginning," he continued, forcing himself to hold her gaze across the fire.

"It was my own fears and insecurities about being Beta that made me lie.

About questioning my role in an oppressive system, about enforcing traditional pack laws that are increasingly cruel. Laws I question more every day."

Elena remained silent, but something in her expression had shifted. The hurt was still there, yet underneath it he caught glimpses of the woman who'd trusted him enough to let him see her vulnerability.

"I'll start from the beginning," Damon said, the decision crystallizing with each word. "Tell you my entire life story. You deserve to know the man who is your mate, and then you can decide what kind of person I am. If you still want to cast me out, I'll accept that."

She won't want you after this, his wolf warned, pacing restlessly. The truth will drive her away for good.

But Damon had carried the weight of deception long enough. Elena deserved better than his carefully constructed lies, regardless of the consequences.

"What I told you about my parents dying when I was young was true," he began, settling more comfortably against the cavern wall. "My grandmother raising me, teaching me everything she knew about healing and shifter genetics—all of that was real."

The fire popped between them, sending sparks dancing toward the cavern ceiling. Elena's blue eyes reflected the flames, unreadable but attentive.

"What I didn't tell you was that my best friend from age eight was Kieran Silvercrest. Alpha Alaric's oldest son.

" Damon's mouth quirked in a humorless smile.

"Because Kieran and I were inseparable, I did everything he did.

Kieran learned from his Alpha father to train and fight young, and to follow traditional pack laws without question. I followed suit."

The memories came flooding back—two boys pushing each other to excel, competing in everything from combat drills to academic studies. The weight of expectation that had shaped both their childhoods.

"I was young and naive," Damon continued, his voice taking on a harder edge. "I looked up to Kieran and Alpha Alaric without thinking to question right and wrong. It never occurred to me that authority could be fallible."

Elena shifted slightly, wincing as her wounded thigh protested. The sight sent a spike of protective fury through Damon, but he forced himself to continue.

"Kieran and I trained together in the pack enforcers' military program.

That's where I learned all my tactical knowledge, the meditative techniques, everything that's served me well for the past fifteen years.

" He flexed his hands, remembering countless hours of combat training, weapons maintenance, and strategic planning.

"I was top of the class alongside Kieran.

But since he was the Alpha heir, I was seen as the best of the regular shifters. "

He paused for a moment to study Elena. Her eyes remained unreadable, but she leaned forward with attentiveness as if hanging onto every word.

"So, when Beta Cross was killed fifteen years ago, Alpha Alaric appointed me as Beta.

I was eighteen, the youngest Beta in Silvercrest pack history.

" Damon's jaw tightened at the memory. "I didn't hesitate to answer the call of duty.

Thought it was my true purpose in life."

Fool, he thought bitterly. You thought duty would be enough to fill the emptiness.

"The first year was a whirlwind," he continued. "I threw myself into my duties, desperate to prove myself worthy of the position. I felt I had to earn respect and had to demonstrate my loyalty even though I know now that wasn't necessary."

Elena's expression had grown more thoughtful and less hostile, and she finally spoke up. "You were just a kid taking on enormous responsibility."

"I did as I was ordered. Went above and beyond to enforce pack laws without question." The words tasted bitter now. "And then Tara came along."

Damon's voice roughened with old grief. Even after all these years, speaking her name aloud felt like reopening a wound that had never properly healed.

"An arranged mating. I thought it was expected of me as Beta, another way to prove myself.

" He stared into the fire, seeing not flames but a young woman's face—kind eyes, gentle smile, dreams she'd never get to fulfill.

"She wasn't my fated mate, but she was good and decent.

When she got pregnant, everything seemed to be falling into place for me. "

"What happened?" Elena's voice had gentled, and when he looked up, he found compassion replacing pain in her expression.

"Territorial dispute with Granite Ridge pack. They attacked my home." The words came out clipped and controlled, but underneath them swirled fifteen years of rage and grief. "They killed Tara and our unborn child while I was away on pack business."

Elena's sharp intake of breath cut through the cavern's stillness.

"After that night, I threw myself into duty and shut off everything else," Damon continued. "Became emotionally numb because it seemed easier and more manageable. But keeping everyone at arm's length got lonely after a while."

He paused, gathering courage for the hardest part of his confession.

"So, I started documenting everything—every order, every abuse, every action I was commanded to take. Initially to pass time, but then I began questioning what I was enforcing as the years passed. The demands became more extreme."

Elena leaned forward further, her tactical mind engaged despite her emotional turmoil. "What kind of demands?"

"Forced arranged matings. Killing humans without question or investigation. Kidnapping shifters for reasons that made no sense." Damon's hands clenched again. "Things that were unusually cruel, even by traditional pack law standards."

The fire crackled between them, and in its light, Damon saw something in Elena's expression that gave him some relief—real understanding of who he truly was beneath the Beta title.

Damon pushed himself away from the cavern wall and moved closer to where Elena sat by the small fire, the flames casting flickering shadows across her face.

The makeshift cloth at his waist felt inadequate, but modesty seemed less important than closing the distance between them—both physical and emotional.

"Things changed dramatically when Alpha Alaric disappeared four months ago," he said, settling beside her but maintaining enough space to respect her boundaries.

The cave floor was cold against his bare skin, but Elena's presence generated its own warmth.

"Kieran became acting Alpha, and everything I thought I knew about pack leadership shifted overnight. "

Elena's eyes reflected the firelight as she studied his face. "How so?"

"Kieran took Maya as his Luna—a hybrid." Damon's voice carried a mixture of pride and concern. "First hybrid to publicly mate a pack leader in three centuries. They've been working relentlessly to reform Silvercrest's pack laws, but it's an uphill battle."

And getting more dangerous by the day, his wolf added grimly.

"The more Kieran and Maya push for change, the more extreme the High Council becomes," Damon continued, his jaw tightening.

"Using human operatives to hunt hybrids, implementing kidnapping orders for anyone who questions their authority.

And now we discover Council elders like Thorne are employing these human operatives as personal guards? "

Elena shifted closer. "You're caught in the middle."

"Exactly," Damon agreed. "Everything's becoming more volatile, and I don't much like being Beta these days. The position feels like a prison instead of an honor."

You could walk away, his wolf suggested. Stay with our mate.

"I can't imagine the pressure," Elena said softly, her voice carrying genuine sympathy. "Having to obey orders you question and enforcing laws you know are wrong. The impossible position you must be in."

Her genuine understanding hit him with sudden force. No one—not Kieran, not his fellow pack members—had ever acknowledged the internal conflict that had been tearing Damon apart for years.

"I never realized how trapped I truly felt until I met you," Damon admitted, his eyes meeting hers across the small space between them. "Now I have something worth questioning everything for."

Their conversation suddenly shifted into deeper territory after Damon's confession. Elena's walls crumbled before him as she began speaking about her half-sister.

"Fiona was forced to mate the abusive son of the Tidewater Alpha," Elena said, her voice barely a whisper. "After the ceremony, I tried to help her escape. We almost made it."

Damon's entire body went rigid. No. Not another forced mating story.

"The Tidewater Beta caught us," Elena continued, her hands clenching into fists. "He put a gun to Fiona's head and told me if I didn't walk away and leave her there willingly, they'd shoot her dead while I watched."

"Christ, Elena."

"I had no choice but to abandon my sister to protect her life." Tears began to track down Elena's cheeks, but her voice remained steady. "That's when Tyler and I decided to start our own rebel group. And that's what drives my need to destroy this system."

Damon felt physically ill. He'd interacted with the Tidewater Beta a few times during Council meetings, and he seemed like a reasonable man. The thought of him threatening to execute a woman in front of her sister while protecting her abusive mate made Damon's wolf snarl with rage.

You've enforced similar situations, his wolf reminded him ruthlessly. How many forced matings did you witness and do nothing to stop?

"I would never..." Damon started, then stopped. Because the truth was, he had been present at forced mating ceremonies. He'd done nothing to intervene, following orders like the dutiful leader he'd been trained to be.

"I've helped enforce situations just as cruel," he said quietly, the confession tasting like ash. "I never realized how bad it could really be for the women involved. I was so focused on duty, on following orders, that I didn't see the human cost."

Elena watched him with those piercing blue eyes, and he felt stripped bare under her gaze.

"Tradition has been twisted into something cruel instead of protective," Damon continued, his voice gaining strength.

"I wish I'd stayed true to the traditional warrior values my grandmother taught me, but becoming Beta so young—I felt pressured to conform to the pack leadership ways.

Too naive to know I should stand up for what was right. "

"It's never too late to change," Elena said gently. "Or to step down from your position."

The suggestion hung between them like a lifeline he wasn't ready to grasp. Duty and loyalty were too deeply ingrained, too much a part of his identity to simply abandon.

But for her, his wolf whispered. For our mate, we could try.