Page 43 of How to Seduce a Viscount (Wed Within a Year #3)
‘I think it’s time.’ Stepan had waited until the boys and Anne had gone up to the loft. Dinner was done, the dishes put away. He could have Ellen to himself for this discussion without any interruption.
Ellen untied her apron and sat down slowly across from him at the table, her eyes meeting his.
‘You’ve been restless this past week. Have you remembered anything more?
’ She did not pester him about remembering.
He was always thankful for that kindness especially after the visit last winter, which had answered their questions even if it hadn’t jarred his memories loose.
‘No, nothing new.’ Since Lucien Parkhurst had left, there’d been dreams, though. Still, dreams weren’t memories, not exactly.
She reached for his hand and kept silent. She had a good instinct for that—for knowing when to talk and when to wait for him to do it.
‘The crops are in. There is nothing more we can do for the farm. I think we should go to the family for the holidays. Perhaps see a specialist in London.’
‘You feel guilty,’ Ellen said softly.
‘Yes. It is not right to make my family suffer, even if I don’t remember them.
I have parents, Ellen. A grandfather. They believed I was dead, lost to them.
I cannot imagine the grief of losing a child, even a grown child.
By not going to them, I feel I am perpetuating that grief, that suffering, for them. ’
He reached for her hands, gripping them in his need for reassurance.
This decision had not been lightly made.
‘It does not need to change anything, Ellen.’ This was the argument he’d convinced himself of in the long nights.
‘We will go and then we will come back and all will be as it was. We can bring Anne and the boys. Lucien left plenty of money.’
Ellen gave a solemn nod. ‘I know you think nothing will change but it will. You have another family whether you remember them or not. Lucien said you were a hero. If you go to them, everything will change. You are not normally na?ve. Be honest about that with yourself.’
‘I do not will for this to change,’ Stepan assured her.
‘It may not be up to your will.’
‘If we face it together, we will survive it. I don’t mean to lose you, Ellen. You needn’t fear on that account.’ Maybe he could not control reactions to his reappearance, or the things others did, but he could control his own heart and his heart belonged with her.
Ellen drew a deep breath and he knew what it cost her. She’d never been beyond Southend-on-Sea in all her years. ‘I knew this moment would come. If you think we should go now, then we will go. We’ll make preparations in the morning.’
‘Thank you, Ellen.’ She’d given him the strength to take the next step. He was going home for the holidays to a place he didn’t remember, stepping into a life he no longer knew, but he was doing it with the woman he loved and doing it for her. He could offer her nothing until his past was resolved.
THE END… . FOR NOW.
Keep reading for an excerpt from CINDERELLA’S CHARADE WITH THE DUKE by Jeanine Englert.