Page 42 of Hooked on a Demon (Leeside Witches #3)

Eliana

“H ow are we doing today?” Dr. Colson asks as she takes her customary seat on the small couch.

Unable to fight the smile on her face, she says, “I’ve been good.”

Colson laughs. “From the look on your face, and the way you’re blushing right now, I’d say you’ve been more than good since we last spoke.”

“Shut up!”

“I will not,” he playfully gasps, feigning hurt. “Why don’t we start with what has you feeling this way?”

Happy bubbles bounce under her skin as she repositions herself on the sofa, sliding one leg underneath her and pulling the other one up to rest her foot on the edge.

She wraps her arms around her now-bent knee, putting her forehead on top so she can attempt to hide the stupidly cheerful grin that seems to be plastered on her face while she talks.

“I had a really good night. With the guy I’m seeing. ”

“I figured he had something to do with it,” he teases. “Things are going well then?”

“Very well,” she says, the smile even evident in her tone.

“I’m happy to hear that.”

“Thank you. I’m honestly surprised. He’s surprised me in every way possible. I can’t think of a time I’ve felt this way. Or at least it’s been such a long time that I don’t remember when I last felt this way.”

“The beginning of a relationship is usually exciting. Did you ever feel this way about your ex?”

The happy bubbles within her begin to burst, popping and fizzing like a high school volcano at the mention of Sam.

Eliana shifts her body again, moving to sit cross-legged and folding her hands in her lap, playing with the hem of her sweater as she stares down at them.

She hasn’t told anyone about his last text.

Not even Kaia, even though she was with her.

She played it off as a scam and put it aside as best as she could.

He hasn’t tried again since, but she knows it’s coming.

“Not that I can think of,” Eliana responds, her voice more somber.

“Interesting.”

“What?” She asks, pretending she doesn’t understand.

Colson doesn’t miss any of it. “There was an instant shift in your demeanor when I mentioned your ex. From body language, to your voice, to the literal light you were exuding a moment ago. It’s all gone. Why do you think that is?”

Rolling the hem of her sleeve through her fingers, she takes a moment to think it through.

There’s so much difference between Declan and Sam.

For one, Declan actually cares. He wanted to tear the world apart when she told him about Sam.

During dinner at her parents’, he used his power to try to calm her, placing a comforting touch on her when he knew she needed it, without her actually having to say so.

Sam never would have done that. He never would have noticed.

But as happy as Declan makes her, Sam makes her just as angry.

“Because I can’t seem to let Sam go.”

Colson’s head tilts to the side, surveying her. “What do you mean?”

“There’s still so much of me tied up with him.

I resent him for how he treated me. I’m still angry that I had to leave my career behind.

I know he didn’t have a role in that, but knowing he never really supported me to begin with, and that he then refused to help me in my time of need…

I have so much anger toward him. And then on top of that, he won’t let me go either. ”

“It’s good to hear you start to acknowledge his behavior and how it makes you feel. You’ve spent so long defending him or being indifferent. But what do you mean by he won’t let you go either?”

She sighs. “He’s been trying to reach me. He sent me a text a few days ago.”

“He did? What did he want?”

Leaning back, she kicks her legs out in front of her and drops her head onto the back of the couch, looking to the ceiling.

She’s done this so many times before that she’s pretty sure she knows the exact number of ceiling tiles up there.

“He said he wants a chance to talk. I haven’t responded to him, though. ”

“Why do you think you haven’t responded?” he asks, even though she knows he already knows the answer.

“Because I’m scared.”

“What is causing the fear?”

“I think that he’ll somehow pull me back in.

I know we talked about my feeling like I was missing something, but I think I was missing what I felt like was my place in the world.

And I am starting to feel like I’ve found it.

I’ve loved being able to put the showcase together for work.

I’m happy teaching, even if it means I’ll never be on the stage as I was before. And I’m making connections again.”

“And you’ve found someone who seems to show you what’s possible.”

“And I’ve found someone who shows me what’s possible.” She smiles again, feeling the light Colson mentioned coming back to her at the thought of Declan.

“So my question then is, if you’re happy now, or at least on the way to happy, why do you fear that he’ll pull you back in? That you’ll let him take control of you again?”

“Honestly? Because I don’t believe I deserve to feel this way. I haven’t done anything special to be worthy of it. I was with him for years, and there’s still that part of me that believes I belong with him.”

Silence settles between them as her words sink in.

Eventually, Colson looks at her and waits for her to meet his gaze.

“I am going to break my role a little bit here, but I want to be perfectly clear. You, Eliana, do not need to do anything special to deserve to be treated with respect, care, and affection. You do not need to do anything special to be worthy of happiness. Of love. You deserve it because you exist. That’s it. ”

Wiping a tear from her cheek, she nods. Inside, she knows he’s right.

She knows Sam is bad for her and would never treat her as well as Declan has, but there’s that part of her that will always love him.

Despite everything. He was her first real love, and for better or worse, he’s become a part of her being.

“You said before that my body had a memory,” she says between sniffles.

“I did.”

“I don’t think it’s only my body. I think it’s my heart as well. And I know you’ve said we need to talk about how Sam treated me and the abuse he subjected me to?—”

“Good job calling it abuse,” he interjects.

The corner of her mouth quirks up, a tiny smirk, showing her acceptance of his praise.

“But I think it’s so hard for me to let go because he made a home in my heart.

He was the first man to show me what love was—even in the form he did—and that is the constant model I compare this new relationship to.

As lovely as Declan has been, there’s a part of me that’s waiting.

Sam was lovely at the start, too. At least that’s how I remember it.

How do I know that Declan won’t shift like he did? ”

“You don’t. That’s unfortunately the reality. But is there anything in your current relationship that makes you think he’s likely to behave as your ex?”

She opens her mouth to respond, but pauses before any words can come out.

No, there’s not a single thing that has made her question him.

Rather than accusing her of being cold or telling her to get over it, when she explained why she shut down as she did, he began to ensure that he asked for her consent.

Making sure she was comfortable every step of the way.

He’s respected her body and autonomy since that moment on.

Declan’s been gentle and has not pushed her to do more than she was willing, and he’s felt like home every time she’s been in his arms.

“No. I can’t say there is,” she eventually responds.

“So trust that. Trust that feeling. You’ve been through a great ordeal and have experienced a lot of upheaval in your life over the last little while.

The fear and hesitancy are to be expected.

But…” he pauses, as he makes a note on his pad, “you, Eliana, have also made great strides. Recognizing and naming your trauma is an important step.”

Trauma. She hadn’t thought of losing her career and her relationship with Sam as such, but it feels right.

It has shaped who she is now. But it also doesn’t need to be what defines her.

Her head turns, and she looks out the window, watching the wind rustle through the rust colored leaves.

And it’s here that she decides that’s all Sam is to her now, the wind rustling through.

“I’d like to talk more about Declan now,” she says, her voice soft.

“Absolutely.”

* * *

Dr. Colson was right when he told her she didn’t need to carry everything she’s been through alone, and it’s far past time that her parents actually knew everything she’s been through.

Which is why she is currently parked outside her family home, trying to work up the courage to go in and tell them everything. Well, everything about Sam, at least.

Slapping her hands on the steering wheel, she groans in frustration.

It shouldn’t be this hard. “Alright. Do it. Get out of the car and go inside,” Eliana commands herself.

Taking a deep breath, she opens the car door and follows her command.

It takes her an extra second at the door to muster the courage to walk in.

Cora walks around the corner, appearing at the end of the hall as Eliana closes the door behind her. “Ellie!” her mother exclaims, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by,” she replies, being pulled into her mother’s arms. Her mother’s hugs are always something special.

She gives them out freely, but they are filled with warmth and affection.

Some days, Eliana swears they contain magic, able to melt away the worst of feelings, stress, and any ailments the receiver is experiencing, which is exactly what Eliana needs right now.

She knows this conversation will not be easy, so she’ll take any sense of comfort she can.

With her face still smooshed against Cora’s shoulder, Eliana mumbles, “Is Dad home? I’d like to talk to you both about something.”

Cora instantly pulls away, holding Eliana at arm’s length. “Is everything okay?” she asks, her brows furrowed with concern. “Amos,” Cora calls over her shoulder.

“Yes, dear?” he answers from somewhere deeper in the house.

“Can you come to the living room, please? Ellie’s here and needs to talk to us.”

Rather than answer, her dad can be heard walking through the house. He meets them in the living room where Cora and Eliana are already sitting on the sofa. “What’s wrong?”

Eliana laughs awkwardly, her mother’s hands resting on top of hers. “Nothing’s wrong. Well, not anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Cora asks.

“I’ll get to that, but before I start, I want to apologize in advance for not sharing this with you earlier.

I thought I could handle everything on my own at the time, and honestly, I was embarrassed.

But after talking with my therapist—yes, I’ve been in therapy—it’s time you know the truth about why I moved back to Leeside. ”

“Okay. What do you have to tell us, dear?” Amos asks.

She takes a deep breath, steadying the nerves rushing through her body, reminding herself that Colson was right, she doesn’t need to carry this alone anymore.

“So I was in a relationship while I lived in Hollybrook. His name was Sam. We were together for a couple of years and he’s the reason you were never able to come and see me dance while I lived there.

While the relationship started nice as they all do, he became manipulative and controlling.

” Her eyes flick to her father, seeing his chest puff out with anger as he leans forward, ready to interject.

She holds her hand up to stop him. “You can ask whatever you want after, but please, let me get this out.”

He hesitates a moment before nodding his acceptance, but doesn’t change his position, still prepared to fight for her.

“He never hit me, but sometimes he would get rough, grabbing my wrist or arms to keep me from going places he didn’t want me to go.

Through his manipulation, I lost contact with you all, friends, and was only allowed to be with him if I was going anywhere other than work.

I believe he didn’t want you to come and see me because he feared that you would pull me away from him, making him lose his control over me.

It wasn’t until I was injured on stage and needed surgery that I realized everything he had been doing to me.

How he had separated me from my world. My people.

He was away on a work trip at the time and refused to come home to help me.

I moved back here as soon as I was able and haven’t talked to him since.

I couldn’t afford to stay in Hollybrook on my own without working full-time, so yeah. That’s why I moved home.”

Tears fill her mother’s eyes as she envelops Eliana in her arms. “Oh, honey, I wish you had told us sooner.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Eliana sniffles, reaching a hand around her mother’s back so she can wipe the tears from her eyes. “But I’m okay now.”

“What do you need us to do?” Amos asks, his voice still showing his anger as he shifts into fix-it mode.

“Nothing really. I’m safe now and away from him. Therapy has been helping me so much to be able to work through it all and to recognize that it was an abusive relationship.” She laughs awkwardly. “My therapist would be proud of me for saying that.”

“Does your brother know?” Cora asks.

A chill falls over her, making her shiver. “No. And I would prefer to tell him myself when the time is right. I know he’ll instantly go into his protective mode, and I don’t need him doing that before being reassured that I’m okay.”

A look passes between her parents, one she knows means they’ve silently communicated something she will never be privy to. “Alright,” her father says after a moment, “we won’t tell him, but we also can’t keep this a secret forever.”

“I wouldn’t ask that of you. But thank you for allowing me to share it on my own terms.”

“We love you, honey. We only want what’s best for you.”

“Thank you.”

Telling her parents about her history with Sam lifts an invisible weight from her chest. While she knows it didn’t erase the experience from her past, sharing it with them helps her feel lighter. Less consumed by the secret and shame.

Of course, she now has to prepare herself to tell Everest about Sam. And Declan, too. But that will need to wait for another day, as she looks at the clock on the mantle over the fireplace and realizes she needs to get to the theater for the final rehearsal before the showcase tomorrow night.

With a quick hug goodbye, Eliana dashes out of her family home, feeling more hopeful than she has in a long time.