Page 26 of Hooked on a Demon (Leeside Witches #3)

Eliana

T elling Declan about Sam was easier than she thought it would be.

To herself, she sounded distant while she spoke about it all, but that made it easier.

To remove the emotion from it, at least for her, means that she can’t still be hurt by it.

Dr. Colson would say she’s lying to herself and that her reaction to the way he took her wrist meant that she’s still very much impacted by those events.

After she and Declan finish talking, he asks if he can take her out again, to which she happily agrees.

They part ways shortly after, him going back to work on the tree he was building and her stopping by the studio to drop off some supplies she needs for her classes tomorrow.

The theater isn’t far from her work, and she’s happy to have the time alone to process their conversation.

Upon hearing the short version of her experience with Sam, it was clear that Declan immediately wanted to set the world ablaze.

As she plays over his reaction in her mind, she comes to the realization that she has never had someone respond that way for her.

To want to tear the world apart on her behalf. It was… hot.

Her relationship with Sam wasn’t always like she told Declan, of course.

They did have happy moments, but those are all tainted to her now, buried under memories of his control.

After seeing Declan’s reaction, she’s sure that if he knew it all, he would cross the Earth to find Sam and make sure he never hurt another living being again.

Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. She stops herself before she goes too far down that train of thought. Yes, Sam wasn’t great to her. Far from it, if she’s being honest. Yet, despite all that, she doesn’t wish him harm. Just growth. With any luck, she’ll never have to see him again anyway.

Eliana drops what she needs in her locker and manages to escape without getting caught by June or anyone else—practically a miracle. She drives herself into downtown, or what is classified as Leeside’s downtown, and parks on the street outside of Taster’s Delight.

Stepping inside, she’s enveloped by the scent of freshly ground coffee beans and delicious pastries, causing her mouth to water in anticipation.

When it’s her turn, she orders her chai latte and a cardamom ginger biscuit.

She finds a table in the corner and pulls out her crochet hook and yarn from her bag, setting them up on the table.

With earbuds in and a new audiobook to listen to, she relaxes into the space, letting the world melt away as she gets lost in a world of dragons.

* * *

The door to Dr. Colson’s office opens. Eliana rises from the chair in the hall, gathering her things, and then follows him in.

“Good afternoon. How’s your day going?” he asks.

It’s always the same—a standard greeting and question about her day, or week. It seems innocuous, but the routine start to each session helps to set her at ease. Especially when she knows she has some heavy shit to talk about that day.

Sitting on the couch, she kicks her shoes off and pulls her socked feet up beside her. “My day has been good. I was off today, so I spent a bit of time by myself at Taster’s Delight, listening to a book and working on a new blanket.”

“That sounds like a wonderful day.”

“It was.”

“But?” he prompts.

She pulls at the hem of her sleeve, pausing as she calls on the courage to start what she wants to say next. As always, Colson waits patiently, allowing her to find her words. “I also stopped by and saw the man I’ve been seeing.”

“Why does saying that cause you to hesitate?”

She swallows. “Because we went out on a date the other night and I had a moment.”

“A moment? Can you elaborate?”

“We went to the drive-in and I fell asleep.” She laughs, remembering her mortification when she woke up.

How she wished she had the power to open the earth right then and there to swallow her whole.

“After some light teasing, I motioned to get out of the truck, and he grabbed my wrist. I shut down.”

Her eyes flick up, catching Colson nodding as he makes notes. “Was that something that happened with your ex, Sam?”

She nods. “Yes.”

“Why don’t you tell me about it?”

She hesitates for a moment before breaking into the same recount of her relationship with Sam that she told Declan.

Some of it Colson already knows, and he makes the appropriate noises as she shares about her past again.

When she shares about his more physical reactions, Colson goes quiet.

When he finally says something again, it’s not what she expects.

“How did Sam react when you became injured?”

“He never physically hurt me. At least nothing beyond a small bruise.”

“That’s still physical harm, but we can delve more into that and how you still seem to want to protect or minimize his actions another day. What I meant was, how did he react when you were injured at work—on stage—and needed surgery and presumably care?”

“When it happened, he was out of town for work. When we were finally able to talk a couple of days later, he told me he was too busy and couldn’t come back. I understood how important his work was to him and how hard he’d been trying for a promotion. So I told him it was okay.”

“That must have been very challenging for you to be alone, fresh out of surgery.”

Her gaze turns to the window, watching the leaves sway in the breeze.

“I did okay,” she says, her voice sounding distant, even to herself.

Maintaining her distance and not dwelling on how she felt helps her to keep it together.

She’d break if she let herself truly think about and revisit those first few days after losing her career.

“I hired a nurse. They came to the apartment for the first couple of days post-surgery to check on me and make sure I was managing.”

“And how did you feel?”

Turning her head to look back at Colson, she breathes deeply, trying to make it appear that she’s steadying her emotions before she speaks. “I was hurt, obviously. But I understood he couldn’t leave. So I did what I do best and managed.”

“And that wasn’t hard? To be on your own, in pain, facing the reality of your career, something you had worked so long to achieve, crashing down around you?” he probes.

Eliana wants to tell him to back off. To stop trying to get her to admit what she hasn’t admitted to anyone.

But she doesn’t. Instead, she tells him what he wants her to say.

“It was devastating. I had worked for years to get where I was and finally achieve my dream. I was a principal dancer in a professional production, and I loved every aspect of my work. So yes, to have it all crumble around me because of a shitty landing was quite literally life-altering.” Her voice rises, the anger she’s fought so hard to keep at bay breaking through the box she’s kept it in.

“I mean, I came back to the town that I thought I had outgrown and left in the past. It’s embarrassing.

So yeah, it’s been fucking hard,” she says, crossing her arms across her chest as she sits back roughly.

“From the sounds of it, you’ve had some significant life changes, left an abusive relationship, and are now entering into a new situation with someone else.

Which, to me, shows that while your body has physically healed from your surgeries, mentally, you are still dealing with the fresh scab.

There’s so much regrowth that needs to happen, yet. ”

Eliana scoffs. “So what, I’m not mentally well enough to be in a relationship?”

Colson leans forward, placing his pad and pen on the desk beside him.

Taking his glasses off, he huffs a breath on the lenses before cleaning them with the bottom of his sweater as he says, “No. Not at all. I think you’re perfectly capable of having a healthy relationship, but your reaction to how he touched you makes sense, and the fact that you’re here talking about it and talking to him shows that you’re making progress.

What I think you need to remember is that your body has a memory too, and you need to give it, and your mind, time to…

” he pauses, “ recalibrate. As I said, we’ll return to your defense of Sam and the grace you’ve shown him, but you must recognize it was an abusive relationship and that managing its effects will take time.

You also need to prepare yourself for the fact that certain things may always trigger you and bring you back to that space with Sam.

And that’s okay. What matters is that you don’t stay there. ”

Your body has a memory, too. That statement, out of everything Colson said, sticks with her.

There is no way that Declan could have known that grasping her wrist would have had the impact on her as it did.

She didn’t even know it would make her shut down like that.

But the instant it happened, it was as if she were back there with Sam.

“Unfortunately, we are out of time today. But we can pick up here at our next session.”

“Okay,” Eliana replies, her voice feeling small as she’s still stuck on that statement. Your body has a memory, too.

“Eliana,” Colson says, calling her attention to him. Her eyes meet his, and she’s greeted with compassion and empathy. “You did great today. It was a heavy talk, and you shared openly. Thank you. I don’t take for granted how hard this can be.”

She smiles briefly at him, not really knowing what to say, before gathering her things, sliding her shoes back on, and leaving his office.

“Your body has a memory, too,” she says under her breath as she gets into her car. Well, shit. What else does it remember that she’s tucked away?