Page 31 of Homebody (The Long Road Home #21)

Chapter Thirty

“ I ’m sorry we didn’t do something exciting on our last day,” Dean said.

“This is exactly what I want to be doing,” Tessa, head resting on his arm rather than the pillow, answered. She pretended his words, our last day , didn’t gut her as she asked, “What time are you leaving for the airport tomorrow?”

She’d tried to sound upbeat. Casual. She might have even succeeded. Yay, her.

The truth was, she felt anything but upbeat or casual. Her heart clenched. Her stomach twisted. And her brain couldn’t help but keep continuously calculating the hours they had remaining together before Dean flew away from her.

Tessa hadn’t been able to bear the thought of sharing him with the outside world today, their last day. Hence the reason they’d spent the whole day alone in various stages of undress in her apartment. They’d even ordered food delivered so they didn’t have to go pick up take-out.

Greedy for every moment she could have with Dean, she’d requested a day off from the salon. Ruby, still Susan’s chief accomplice in this sham—scam, scheme, whatever—had immediately agreed.

“Zero-dark thirty,” Dean answered.

“Oh. Okay,” she said, as if she understood when exactly zero-dark thirty was.

His lips twitched. “I have to check-in with command Monday so I booked the first flight out of Albany Sunday morning. We’re leaving at four a.m. for my seven o’clock flight.”

Her brows rose. “That is early.”

“Well, to be fair, I didn’t know I’d have a reason to sleep in Sunday morning when I booked that flight.”

Looking down at her, he ran the back of his knuckles against her cheek. Then he let out a sigh.

“Speaking of tomorrow morning, I should probably get to bed.”

“We’re in bed,” Tessa joked. The way she felt, the weight in her chest, the pressure behind her eyes, she knew it was either crack bad jokes or risk crying.

His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I mean I should get to bed to sleep . If I stay here with you, there won’t be much sleeping.”

“Probably not,” she agreed bravely.

“I’d say I’d sleep on the flight but it’s a pretty short flight to Atlanta for a layover, and then an even shorter hop to Virginia so…”

“I understand. No worries.” Her voice cracked on the final word. She cleared her throat and pretended it wasn’t the tears she was choking back that had caused it.

He watched her, his eyes on her face. She struggled to keep her expression neutral.

They remained like that, not speaking, for what felt like a long time and somehow not long enough because when he finally broke eye contact it was to pull his arm from beneath her.

He swung his legs over the edge of the mattress and stood.

The bed felt empty, lonely without him and he hadn’t even left yet. It was a small taste of how empty and alone she was going to feel when he was really gone. When he was somewhere else… with someone else.

What was she going to do?

Work.

That would save her. She’d throw herself into it every waking moment.

When she wasn’t at Ruby’s or Liam’s she’d just work on her thesis until she couldn’t hold her eyes open any longer.

Only then would she lay down and hopefully fall into an exhausted sleep.

Any other way and she’d just lay there in her empty bed and miss Dean.

Or worse, wonder who he was with and what he was doing without her.

But before that, she had to hold it together until he was out the door. Then she could break down. Did crying yourself to sleep really work or was that just for infants? She’d find out tonight.

Slipping out of bed she reached for her favorite sweatshirt, folded neatly on top of a stack of clean clothes she had yet to put away. She pulled it on now like a shield. Some people had comfort food. Tessa had comfort clothes.

She grabbed her thickest, most comfy yoga pants off the floor and pulled them on.

What did it matter how she looked? He was leaving. In just moments she would be back in bed, wrapped in a blanket with only her laptop for company.

She’d give herself tonight to wallow. Watch crappy trainwreck reality shows.

Eat the cold Chinese food leftovers from her fridge while in bed.

Blow her nose in toilet paper because of course she had no real tissues in the house.

Then tomorrow, workaholic geek girl Tessa would be back and bad girl Tessa just a memory.

Dean was standing in the doorway waiting for her.

She forced a smile. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

He nodded. Cool. Casual. Just Dean taking his leave from his hometown hook-up before heading back to his real life.

Wasn’t this exactly what Susan and her cohorts had wanted? For Tessa to be the safe choice compared to Juniper? In that regard it was mission accomplished. Success all around. Her misery notwithstanding.

Dean led the way to the front door. He paused there again and turned to face her. “I’ll text you when I land?”

Strange how it had sounded like a question. As if he were asking… what? If she wanted to keep in touch? Hope soared to life. She batted it down, afraid to wish for something she wanted so very badly.

Keep it casual. Don’t scare him away. Do not get clingy.

“Sure.” She nodded, smothering everything else she wanted to say.

He nodded too. Then, just when she thought he’d take his leave, he instead took a step closer. He palmed her face and kissed her hard. Deep. Possessive.

She melted against him, wanting to stay here like this, inside this kiss forever.

But it wouldn’t last. She knew that. This was a goodbye kiss if ever she felt one. Filled with longing and regret. But was it goodbye for now or goodbye forever? There was no way she was going to ask.

The kiss ended as abruptly as it had begun. This time he didn’t hesitate. There was no pause or long gazes filled with longing. He reached for the door, pulled it wide and said, “Goodnight.”

She managed to say, “G’night.”

Then he was gone.

Pressing her forehead and both palms against the door he’d just left through, she let the sobs come.