Page 39 of Home With Holden

Just thinking it felt silly, but nothing felt concrete. And maybe I shouldn’t expect more... but there was a connection between Holden and me. It wasn’t just wishful thinking.

It was ridiculous. Deep down, I knew that. He’d been clear before he left—he wanted me. He’d enjoyed what we’d done together. But the longer he was gone, the harder it got to remember—or believe—it.

It’s been four days!

No matter how many times I reminded myself, it didn’t seem to help. Part of it was missing Holden, and part of it was feeling like we’d been cut off just when we’d finally figured things out. But the truth was, everything I had—my job, the roof over my head—was tied to him.

He was my boss... I’d slept with my boss’s boss. And the what-ifs were eating me alive. What if things went south between us? What if he decided this thing between us wasn’t worth the hassle? Would I lose my job? Would I be kicked out, left with nowhere to go?

The thought gnawed at me, this creeping anxiety that twisted in my gut and made it impossible to focus on anything else. I’d been down that road before—with Chuck. I’d thought we were building something together, thought I had a future with him. And then, in one instant, it was all gone. I’d shown up, ready to start our life together, and he’d been with someone else. Just like that, everything shattered.

And sure, Noah had been there to pick up the pieces, to make sure I wasn’t left out in the cold. But this time... there wouldn’t be a Plan B.

Holden’s not Chuck—I knew that. But it didn’t stop the fear from creeping in. What if this ended the same way? What if I ended up thrown away, alone, with nowhere to go and no one to turn to?

And it wasn’t just about the job. It was about Holden. It was about the way he made me feel—the way he made everything feel like it was finally falling into place. Like I’d finally found something... someone... worth holding onto. The thought of losing that—of losing him—felt like losing a part of myself.

It was terrifying, like the loss of something vital—like food or shelter.

Not to mention Sarah, Noah, Hope... I’d never had people like this before.

Even now, with him gone, there was this ache in my chest, this emptiness I couldn’t shake. It wasn’t like anything I’d ever felt before. Not even when I’d found Chuck with someone else. This was different. Worse. And it made me realize just how deeply I was in this—how much Holden had come to mean to me in such a short amount of time.

Silly you for letting that happen.

There was a part of me that wanted to run before I got told to leave... but another part, maybe a stupider part, still found a way to hope.

I was trying to keep myself busy, trying to keep my mind off it. But it wasn’t working. I’d spent the last hour stress-eating my way through the kitchen—leftovers, snacks, anything I could get my hands on. I didn’t even realize how much I’d eaten until I looked down at the empty plates in front of me, my stomach uncomfortably full.

“You okay there, Mylo?”

I jumped, nearly knocking over a stack of dishes in my surprise. Sarah stood in the doorway, her eyes narrowing as she took in the scene—the mess of plates, the look on my face. She stepped closer, her brow furrowing with concern.

“You look like you’re about to crawl out of your skin,” she said, her voice softening. “What’s going on?”

I hesitated, not sure if I should say anything. But Sarah had always been kind to me—patient. And, if I was being honest, I needed someone to talk to.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair, tugging at the ends in frustration. “It’s just... Holden,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’m freaking out a little. I don’t know if I’m being stupid or…”

Sarah moved closer, leaning against the counter beside me. “Why are you freaking out?” she asked gently.

I swallowed, my throat tight. “He’s been gone for four days. And I know he’s coming back—I do. But... I can’t help but feel like... I don’t know. What if something happens? What if he decides this—us—just isn’t worth it?”

Sarah’s expression softened, and she reached out, resting a hand on my arm. “Mylo, Holden’s not like that,” she said gently. “He’s not going to just throw you away.”

“But how do you know?” I asked, my voice cracking. “How can you be so sure?”

She hesitated, her eyes flickering away for a moment before meeting mine again. “I just do,” she said, her voice careful.

My heart sank, frustration bubbling up inside me. There it was again—that feeling that everyone around me knew something I didn’t. That they were keeping something from me.

“Right,” I said, my tone flat. “You just do.”

Sarah’s eyes widened, panic flashing across her face. “It’s not like that, Mylo,” she said quickly. “I?—”

“Forget it,” I muttered, pushing away from the counter. “It’s fine.”

“Mylo, wait?—”