Page 38 of Home Brewed (The Perfect Cup #1)

Beck

“ H ey, lover boy,” calls Stella as I walk back up to the front, crossing my fingers that I don’t look as dishevelled as I suspect I do. Apparently, Nessa’s nickname for me is spreading.

“Hey, Stella, anything interesting happen while I was talking with Hazel?”

“Hmmm, didn’t sound like a lot of talking to me,” Stella giggles, and I wonder how quickly I can kill myself. “Don’t worry, I turned up the music.”

I can feel the flames burning on my cheeks as I clear my throat and move to stand at the till, despite having no people in line currently. Gotta love having an afternoon lull. It leaves me available to catch up on work and get called out by my employees.

“Yeah, I’m going to need you to never mention that if I want to keep my balls attached to my body.”

“Ew, gross, don’t say balls, Beck,” Stella snorts as she carries on with her cleaning. Almost as an afterthought, she says “She’s good for you, Beck.”

I don’t say anything, unsure of how to respond.

“She makes you calmer. You’re less stressed when she’s around, more present. You may not have noticed, and she definitely hasn’t. Trust me when I say that the rest of us have. ”

“You guys have been talking about me?” I’m not sure how to feel about that.

“Oh yeah, all the time. Quick question: we have a ton of leftovers today; do you mind if I bring them down to the women’s shelter after my shift? I don’t want to throw them out when someone could be enjoying them.”

Stella’s heart is so big I’m surprised it doesn’t tip her over now and then.

“Absolutely! Why don’t you bring down some of the pre-ground coffee for them, too? Make it a little breakfast for them?”

“Beck, that would be amazing! Thanks!” She throws her arms around me for a brief hug, then skips away to finish her tasks before the café flips for the evening. I’m still lost in thought, staring off into the café, when Stella taps me on the shoulder.

“Hey, boss man.” Better than lover boy, I guess. “Not to pry, but is everything… you know… okay? You seem a little distracted today.”

“Yeah, I am, sorry.” I have no excuse for her either.

I, myself, don’t even know what’s going on.

“I think we’re all good for the flip, and Mel will be in shortly.

Why don’t you head home early?” She hesitates.

“I’ll pay you for the rest of your shift.

” She brightens at that, grabbing the bag of goodies she put off to the side.

“That’d be awesome, Beck, thanks! See you tomorrow!” She swiftly flies out of the café, locking the door behind her when I hear the back entrance door slam shut. I rush to the back, thinking maybe Hazel ditched me. I can see her still in the office, working away, glaring at her laptop.

The noise was Mel letting in Heartbreak Tuesday again.

Since they’re going to be in town for a while before their next tour, I’m letting them take as many open spots as they want in our lineup to try to bring in more people, even though it’s only the beginning of the week. A Tuesday, ironically enough.

James ambles up to me, wide shoulders barely fitting through the narrow hallway.

“’Sup man.” His words drop like stones. I’m sure he can emote if he wants to. Probably.

“Hey, you’re early.” I give him a fist bump.

“Yeah, figured we’d chill after set up, maybe chat about storing some things here since we’ll be around more often.”

“Yeah, man, we can work something out, for sure.” I don’t even care. My mind is completely occupied by the brunette in my office. James gives me an odd look, brushing it off after a moment, never one to insert himself into someone else’s business.

I watch the band set up for a bit, trying to think of a way to get Hazel to actually talk to me.

Nothing is coming to mind. I know she’s a private person, and so far, she’s been decently open with me.

She’s entitled to her secrets, but something tickles the back of my brain, telling me it has to do with us.

I don’t even know if there is an us. I don’t have any experience to draw from, my aversion to relationships finally coming to bite me in the ass.

At the same time, I’m pretty good at being able to read a situation.

I’ve always had clear boundaries with partners in the past, and I’ve never been with someone long enough to need to worry about ongoing communication.

I’m pondering this problem when I see the door to my office swing open a little wider, allowing Hazel to peek her head out.

She looks both ways and sneaks out, closing the door quietly behind her.

I guess she doesn’t realize that she’s in my direct line of sight.

She walks up the hall slowly, her work bag slung over her shoulder, and when she makes it to the main area, I give her a little wave.

She jumps, quickly collecting herself, and strides over to me confidently.

“I think I’m going to head out, see you at your place?” There’s an almost imperceptible waver to her voice, but I decide not to call her out on it. There are other people here and I don’t think she’ll appreciate a public interrogation.

“Actually, I’m headed home, too. Let’s drive together,” I suggest, not really giving her an option.

She’s too polite to reject my offer when it would make less sense to try to walk home alone.

And maybe once I can get her in a car with me, she might actually be inclined to talk to me.

She nods stiffly, making her way to the back exit.

I quickly say goodbye to Mel and the band, letting her know they can store their stuff and telling James to just let me know if there’s anything he needs before I dip out.

The car ride home is anything but pleasant. In fact, it's rather stressful. She’s sullen the entire time, and I don’t know about her, but if I got two afternoon orgasms, I might be in better spirits. I know I’m being bitter. It’s hard not to when I have no idea what’s going on anymore.

She practically throws herself out of the car before I’ve even turned it off, dashing up the steps, and I sprint after her, following her into the house. She’s halfway up the staircase when I call out to her.

“Hazel! What the fuck?” I don’t know what else to say, but I need to say something to get her to stop running away.

“What the fuck what?” she calls back, not moving from her position on the stairs. Something I can’t place flashes across her face.

“You’re literally running away from me right now.

You’ve been acting weird since yesterday and I just want to know what’s going on!

” I kick my shoes at the door and step closer to her.

I see her flinch and fight the instinct to take another step back.

I’m more than a little insulted. “You won’t talk to me, you let me fuck you in my office, then ignore me, and you tried to leave without me.

I know for a fact that you’re avoiding me and pushing me away, and I want to know why.

I thought things were good between us. Am I totally misreading things? ”

She rubs her hand down her face, smearing some of her makeup as she does, staring at the ceiling.

“I’m not mad, but if you’re going to fuck me and send me away, I think I deserve an explanation, don’t you?

” I put my hands on my hips, waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

I want to chase her. A small voice in my head tells me it’ll just drive her further away, and I don’t want to have to beg for her affection.

I can feel myself falling for her, and I thought she was falling for me, too.

“Beck,” she exhales loudly, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, could you think of something? Because I’m really confused here!

” Hazel purses her lips tightly. “You don’t need to tell me everything, but if you’re going to have a complete personality change overnight, I think I deserve at least a sliver of information here.

” Is this what relationships are like? Because this might be why I’ve never had them.

Why can’t people just be straightforward with each other? I’ve got my own secrets—my love for ABBA, my precarious business position, the warmest, fluffy pink socks at the back of my drawer—but I’m still honest about how I feel about her.

Mostly. Cause I definitely fucking love her, although, she’s definitely not ready to hear that.

“You do,” she says weakly, “I just… this is all so…”

My brow furrows, confused. I take a tentative step towards her, and she doesn’t move, which I take as a good sign. “I’m not going to yell or anything, I just need to know what’s going on here.” She takes a deep breath, seeming to prepare herself. “Do you want to be here?”

“I’m so confused,” she says, finally looking at me.

“Confused about what?”

“Well… everything in my life before was because of Justin, or for Justin. I moved to his city, worked a job he approved of, lived with him, only had his friends, and I’m… I’m not saying you’re the same, not at all!” she starts to backtrack and I’m shocked.

She’s not wrong, though. Despite the fact that we are very different people, there are some eerie similarities between the situations.

“I know that, sugar.” She softens a smidge at my pet name for her.

“I’m scared, and the other day, staying at your place, feeling that comfortable… it felt like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or waiting to uncover something horrible.” She scans my face, for what, I have no idea. But this I can work with.

“I promise, I haven’t lied to you,” I say, taking another step towards her, and she chews the inside of her cheek, skepticism evident in her expression.

“I can absolutely see where you’re coming from, and I know you’ve been through a lot.

Can I just ask that when these fears come up, you talk to me?

Isn’t that what couples do?” She pulls back a bit at that.

“Is that what we are?” I don’t know what to say to that. I guess we haven’t talked about it, not really.

“It’s what I want.” I’m earnest as I stare at her pleadingly. She twists her fingers in her hand.

“I think I want that, too.”

“You think?” I don’t want her to think, I want her to know . I want her to know like I know, how perfect we are together, how amazing I think she is.

“It feels fast, and staying here for free doesn’t feel right. You should at least be charging me rent or making me do the cooking or something .” Her words are airy, like she can barely get them out.

“We can slow down. I promise there’s no pressure.

All I want is to keep you happy.” Her eyes flick up to mine at that, making anxiety tighten in my stomach, but she seems to relax some.

“And if I needed the money, Hazel, I’d ask for it.

” She looks unbelieving at that. “Honest, I’m happy to be able to be a safe place to land for you.

And if you wanna cook some of the time you’re more than welcome to, I have no issue with that.

More than anything, I want you to stay.” I’m talking with my hands now, praying she’ll actually take what I’m saying to heart. She hiccups as she steadies herself.

“Okay.” She looks around before her eyes land on me, “I’m sorry.” She doesn’t seem to fully believe me, but I can tell I’ve made a dent in her armour at least.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, sugar.” I take the final step towards her until we’re toe to toe. “I promise I’ll always do my best to listen. However, in order to do that, I need you to talk to me.”

“I understand, I do,” she sniffles, “I promise I’m trying.”

“I know, baby. Do you want to shower while I get dinner ready?” She nods her assent and slips away to her room. I want to feel better about where we stand, yet a nagging feeling tells me that there’s something else bothering her that’s going to rear its ugly head one of these days.

Until then, I guess I’m making dinner. As much as I don’t want to scare her away, it might be time to stop acting like I want this to be casual and show her exactly how much I want her.