Page 11 of Home Brewed (The Perfect Cup #1)

Hazel

B eck and Nessa have settled in at the dining room table by the time I get out there and have already started digging into the spread of pizza, beer, and cheesy bread. I moan in relief as I sit down, finally feeling the ache in my thighs from bending and crouching throughout the day.

I purposefully ignore the flush on Beck’s cheeks, knowing that it’s probably the booze and not a reaction to the near-pornographic sounds I’m making.

I can’t believe that this whole adventure has taken us a day.

I thought this would be weeks in the making, and yet somehow, with the two of them, it was easy.

“Beck was just saying how he can take those boxes away for you tonight! You’re going to have your dream place ready to go by the end of the night! Isn’t that exciting?” Nessa somehow still has energy to be loud and ramble on about how good everything looks, and it does.

I’ve been able to get rid of all reminders of shitty exes, bring in things I actually like, and make this place look like it really belongs to me. It feels like it really belongs to me.

My throat thickens as I look around. “This finally resembles somewhere I would actually live, way to go team!” I lift my beer for a clink to distract from the stinging behind my nose.

We shoot the shit with small talk as we make our way through the extra-large pizza Nessa ordered and the surprisingly good beers Beck brought from the bar.

When we’re thoroughly stuffed, Nessa and I tackle the clean up while Beck brings the boxes of ex-boyfriend garbage down to his vehicle.

Nessa runs to wash her hands, leaving me alone in my space for the first time since this morning.

I breathe deeply. I can’t smell old cologne anymore, I don’t see a pretentious, ugly bookshelf, but my own, covered in my favourite books and a few specialty Taylor Swift vinyls.

I see the plush throw pillows, the wall art, the new plates sitting on the kitchen counter, and I’m so close to a breakdown.

This place is truly my own now, no one else’s.

Growing up, I had my mom and the parade of creeps to dodge, in university I had a roommate, and after university I lived with Justin.

And now I’m alone. This is my space, and only my space. The feeling of independence warms me as much as it wrenches my heart. A sob hiccups out of me before I can stop it. I slap one hand over my mouth, hugging myself with my other arm, willing myself to keep it together.

It takes a moment to register what’s happening when large, tattooed arms wrap around me from behind, and Beck’s short scruff tangles with my hair when he rests his chin on top of my head. I don’t know where this compassion is coming from. I’m not about to question it.

I settle back into him before I even realize I’ve moved, not wanting to break the embrace. It’s nice to be held, to feel someone else keeping my broken pieces together, and I’m not sure when the next time will be. I know that I’ll crave the comfort, the reassurance, so I soak it up now.

“I’m aware we don’t know each other really well, but I’m proud of you. Starting over is hard, and you’re doing so well.” Beck’s voice sweeps over me softly. My heart nearly cracks in two, and I feel that same warmth pooling in me. When was the last time someone had told me they were proud of me?

His unexpected softness is smoothing the jagged edges of all the pain surrounding me, swaddling me in an unfamiliar safety .

“Beck…” I can’t get another word out before we’re interrupted by the ball of never-ending energy bounding into the room. I discreetly disentangle myself from Beck, and the best hug I will probably have for a while and turn to her. I already miss the warmth of his body next to mine.

It’s for the best.

“Alright! I think we should keep this party going! Okay, so I’m thinking either movie, or spin the bottle,” Nessa announces, twirling an empty bottle from last night between her hands like the chaos goblin she is, an evil glint in her eye.

“MOVIE!” Beck and I shout simultaneously. Nessa’s eyes flit between the two of us, clearly enjoying whatever is happening.

“Alright. I’ll tell ya what though, you’re missing out!” she singsongs. “Hazel can vouch for that.” She winks and darts into the living room. Beck’s face is incredulous as he turns to me.

“Oh, really?” This is it. This is the kind of embarrassment that will kill me.

“I don’t kiss and tell,” I mumble, jokingly bumping my shoulder into him as I pass and tossing him a saucy look. He rolls his eyes good-humouredly as he follows me into the cozy, feminine space.

“There’s a new Chris Pine movie out and I need to see his arms in all their glory,” declares Nessa, evaluating the space, deciding where to sit.

“I’m in!” I say, tossing her the remote from the coffee table, “You staying, too?” I ask, looking at Beck in a way that I hope seems more confident than I feel.

“The arms aren’t really a draw for me, but I can roll with it,” he grins at Nessa, roughing up her hair as she curls up in the armchair in the corner, leaving the couch for Beck and me. I steel myself. I only have to keep it together for one movie.

One movie, and then I will be free of the torment that is sitting next to a hot guy and keeping my hands to myself.

Nessa lasts exactly twenty-three minutes before she conks out in the most awkward looking position on my armchair.

I know for a fact that her neck is going to be killing her when she wakes up based on the way her head hangs over the side, her hair trailing fiery lines to the floor.

I try and fail to keep my snickering to myself when she starts snoring loud enough that we have to turn up the volume.

“She did not snore like this last night! Either that or I was so exhausted that I didn’t notice. I don’t know how it wouldn’t have woken me up!” I whisper-shout to Beck, who is much closer to me on the couch now than when the movie had started. When did that happen?

Is my subconscious trying to make a move on Beck?

I banish the thought, reminding myself that he wants to meet me for business purposes, and today was a favour for Nessa.

“Last night? Sounds like I missed something interesting.” Holy crap, he is so much closer than I thought, and his voice is so deep and rich, even lowered as it is.

I turn to him and have to tilt my head up to look into his eyes.

Yup. SO much closer. I can individually pick out the green and brown colours in his eyes.

I’m not sure which one of us is moving, but I hope whoever it is doesn’t stop.

“She came over to make amends, and then there was wine involved, and we only snuggled on the couch overnight. We only kissed once and she gave me a seven out of ten, which isn’t great, so I’m not even sure it counts,” I ramble awkwardly as his brows jump to his hairline.

The corner of his mouth turns up slowly.

“You kissed? I think there’s more to that story that I need to know.” He’s gazing at me like I might disappear if he looks away. “Wait, only seven out of ten? ”

“That’s what I said! She wanted to see if men were really for me, and then concluded that I am definitely straight.”

“Of course, makes sense, how else would you test that, right?” He’s staring at my mouth now, and my tongue pokes out to swipe across my bottom lip before I can think about it. What are these signs that I’m picking up on? They definitely weren’t there yesterday.

His pupils widen as his stare remains unwavering.

“Well, if working on technique is the only thing she deems practice-worthy, I’m sure there are people lined up for the position.

” The low reverberation of his voice rumbles through me, and I realize that his arm has come up around me over the back of the couch and I’m leaning into him.

My hand brushes his chest before I can chastise it. My brain is running a million miles a minute as I scramble to think of something clever to say.

“Eh, I probably can’t. I mean, people can’t, I mean, ummm…”

Fucking nailed it.

He continues to tilt his face towards me, leaning in so, so close, and yet not quite close enough.

“So, about yesterday…” He’s so close now, all I have to do is lean in a little bit further…

A startling snore comes from Nessa that has us leaping to opposite ends of the couch like we’re teenagers getting caught by their parents. We’re both breathing hard when we look at each other and start silently laughing.

Beck moves back to the centre of the couch as his hand comes up to smooth the back of my hair and we both turn back towards the movie as Chris Pine starts unfolding a fairly elaborate scheme that I honestly have not been following at all up until this point.

“Is this okay?” I ask, leaning my shoulder up against his, praying he’ll let me soak in this comfort just a little longer.

“Yeah sugar, it’s okay,” he whispers, turning his attention back to the tv .

We sit that way for the remainder of the movie, and I can feel the tension slowly seeping out of where it’s been locked in my limbs. I let go of a big yawn as Mr. Pine makes his final love declaration that indicates the movie is wrapping up.

Beck’s fingers haven’t ceased trailing gently up and down my arm, and I make no move to stop them. I sigh contentedly and he looks down, his gaze soft.

“I missed you today,” he says quietly, searching my face for an answer to a question I don’t know.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you had said you might stop by today about that coffee sales thing, and, I mean, I was looking forward to it, you know?” Does he sound nervous?

I can’t make men nervous, that’s not me, but I can see it in his eyes when I finally look at him, the way his gaze trails over my face like he wants to memorize it, learn it, master it.

“You don’t have to come by if it’s not your thing, but I think we would make a great team. ”

“I think so, too,” I whisper as my heart flutters, immediately followed by my gut clenching. This is way too fast. I can’t be getting involved with someone so soon after ending something so significant.

Well, what I thought was significant.

Guilt curdles my insides, and as though he can feel it too, he pulls away slightly.

I hold myself back from drawing him in closer again.

I don’t even know if this guy likes me, and here I am, worried about whether or not he wants to kiss me.

Maybe it’s because I’m available and mildly attractive, maybe he’s making the best out of an albeit weird situation.

“If you want to come by still, I would really love your input. I promise I won’t make anything weird for you. I could really use someone who knows what they’re doing on this.” He rubs his hand down his face, a slight twinge of tension running through it.

“Yeah, I’d love to. I still have some more time off and could probably help you figure out some stuff.

” I try to sound casual, but I can’t really hear myself over the blood pounding in my head.

He really does want me to work in the shop, nothing else , I think to myself.

Then why is he still looking at me this way?

Why is he still tracing invisible patterns on me?

“I would really appreciate that.” His voice resonates through me, settling deep into my bones. No matter how nervous I am, or how unsure I am of where we stand, I don’t want this moment to end.

We sit there, breathing each other in, resisting reaching out to him is nearly impossible, I'm not sure how I do it, but eventually he stretches his arms over his head and scratches the back of his neck.

“I should probably get going,” he says without breaking the connection between us.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” He stares at me a moment longer, like he can see all my secrets waiting to be uncovered, before dragging himself off the couch. I trail after him to the front door and lean against the door frame as he puts his shoes on, wishing I had an excuse, any reason to keep him here longer.

I mentally shake myself. There’s no sense having any of these thoughts, he’s just being friendly.

As much as I want to read into it all, he’s truly a sweet guy helping out someone in a bind.

It seems almost more of a favour for Nessa anyway, seeing as she was the one who called him for help in the first place, and with my thin little noodle arms and Nessa’s entire five feet of height, he’s too nice to leave us on our own for this.

The fact that we had almost kissed was just him being a guy, taking an opportunity.

I can’t think of him any other way than friendly, no matter how pretty he is or how badly I want to trace his tattoos with my fingers, find out where else he has them and map them with my tongue.

“Well, goodnight, Hazel.” He picks up the box of leftovers that he claimed when the pizza arrived. He had done most of the heavy lifting, we weren’t about to deny him that .

“Goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.” I offer him a tired smile. He takes a quick inhale, and before I realize what he was doing, he’s suddenly surrounding me, engulfing me in his arms. I take a deep breath, letting his scent surround me.

A deep longing to curl up and take residence in this moment hits me. I snake my arms around his middle, prolonging the embrace as long as I can before I pull away first. He drags his hands back, gives me a brisk nod, and makes his way down the stairs.

I slide down my closed door to the floor and exhale dramatically. This fresh start was proving to be exhausting.

“Hazel and Be-eck, sitting in a tree!” I hear Nessa say sleepily from the living room.

“How long have you been awake?” I moan, “Don’t you have a home to go back to?” I let my head fall against the front door.

“Long enough,” Nessa snorts as she flips me off.

I hear her roll back over on the couch, declining to expand any further.

It only takes thirty seconds for me to hear tank engine snoring carry across the apartment.

With the rest of my willpower for the day, I haul myself up and to my newly furnished bedroom, only taking off my jeans and bra before climbing under the sheets and decidedly ignoring my pink silicone friend, still conveniently within arm’s reach.

No, I am nipping this in the bud, I will not give in. I am a grown woman in control of my urges.

That lasts all of five minutes before I reach over, find my favourite setting, and allow my mind to drift to really big arms, whiskey, scruff burn, and push aside the boatload of guilt that it’s anchored to. I don’t need to think about that tonight. In fact, I don’t need to think at all.