Page 63 of Hollow Valley

I knew I should shout and say,I found them.But I couldn’t bring myself to say something that would allow Mika to feel a moment of relief, because it would feel like a betrayal, it would cut deeper than any lie.Her daughter was dead in my arms, and I couldn’t pretend otherwise.

So we walked, and it wasn’t that far.They were searching the woods that ran beyond the gardens and the grazing meadow for the livestock.I could see them running toward me, and all I wanted to do was sink back into the cool darkness of the woods.

But I couldn’t.

From the moment I saw them, it was a blur.Mika and Sienna running towards me.Juniper broke away from me, racing toward her mother.And then Mika saw the body in my arms, she saw my shirt stained red with blood, and she saw her daughter’s legs with chunks of flesh missing.

Mika screamed and collapsed, and all I wanted to do was die.I wished I was anywhere, anywhere at all, not in that moment.Not there.Not feeling the body cooling in my arms.Not hearing her mother scream like her heart had been ripped from her.Not here.Not alive.Nothing.

38

Remy

The zombie attacks had masked the evidence of the arrow through the chest, so no one knew what I had done.They all assumed I had come across the wayward children being attacked by zombies, and that I had saved Juniper, but I was too late for Clementine.They kept calling me a hero and thanking me.

I knew I should tell them the truth.That it was my fault.That I had killed that little girl.That I destroyed everything I touched.But for some reason, I couldn’t seem to form the words.

Not even when I was alone with Boden in our bed, and he asked me about what had happened.I just couldn’t tell the truth, but I didn’t want to lie, so I said nothing at all.

It was on the third morning after Clementine’s death that I realized I couldn’t stay here anymore.I got out of bed slowly and quietly before the sun had fully risen, careful to remove Boden’s arm from around my waist.I wanted to slip out without a sound, but when I pulled on my jeans, I heard him calling my name.

“Are you still having trouble sleeping?”he asked groggily.

“Always and forever,” I mumbled, and I grabbed a t-shirt and flannel from my pile of clothes stacked on a chair.

“Is there anything I can do?”he asked.“Maybe Mika or Joseph have something they could give you.”

“Mika’s got enough on her plate, and I’m fine.”I turned around, finally facing him.

He was handsome, almost tragically so, shirtless under the plush comforter.His face was angular, with a constant shadow of stubble on his sharp jawline.His eyes were deep set and hooded, and his full lips curved slightly downward, making him look brooding and thoughtful even when he was half-asleep.

Behind him, the glass doors to the small patio were covered in thick frost, and Ripley was lying with her back pressed against the cold glass as she slumbered.

“I’m heading up to Emberwood today,” I said.

“Do you want me to go with you?”he asked.“I was supposed to check out the oven vent in the kitchen.Oakley says it’s been clogged up, but I could just as easily take a look at it when I got back if I went with you.”

“No, it’s okay,” I said with a forced smile.“Oakley needs you more than I do.”

“Are you sure?”he asked as I went over to give him a kiss goodbye.“You’ve been through a lot lately, and it won’t take me that long to wake up and get dressed.”

“No, I know, but it’s fine.”I kissed him on the cheek and on the lips, and when he touched my waist, like he wanted to pull me back into bed with him, that’s when I pulled away.“Go to sleep.I’ll be back in a few days.”

The hike from where the Barbarabelle was anchored in the Staulo River took me up past the Grizzly Falls, and the final stretch beyond that to Emberwood was relatively mild.At the wrong time of the year, the bears could be an issue, but a lion walking at my side did wonders at keeping them away.If we hurried, the journey usually took under two days with a camp out at the top of the Falls for one night.

The stillness and quiet when it was only Ripley and me next to a crackling fire, with me using her as a backrest, was the kind of peace I had been so desperate for.

I knew I shouldn’t feel that way.That I should be grateful for all the people I loved that were still with me, for the entire community on the Barbarabelle supporting each other with kindness and determination.

But in the cold night, underneath the glittering stars, when it was only Ripley and me, everything seemed so clear.

Back on the boat, in a community, with family, I was only a danger.A harbinger of death and destruction, no matter how hard I tried to protect the people I cared about.There was too much.Too much I couldn’t defend.Too much I couldn’t bear.

But out here, I could breathe in deep and sleep heavy in the cold, because there was no one to worry about except for me.

Those two days on the road were enough to solidify my resolve that I was making the right decision.I had to get out of here, and I had to do it quickly so that Boden or Stella wouldn’t be emboldened to give chase.

I also couldn’t be reckless because I wasn’t going entirely alone.Ripley didn’t belong on that boat, not forever, and she seemed to prefer staying close to me, even when given the options otherwise.She was a powerful big cat, but I didn’t know if she could survive on her own in the Canadian wilderness, especially not in winter.I needed to be prepared so that I wouldn’t leave her to die.