Page 21 of Holiday Crush
“Not really. I had a girlfriend and—”
“Jenna Adams.”
Court smiled. “Yeah, you remember her?”
“Mmhmm.”
“She was cool. We went out junior and senior year, and…I liked her. I wouldn’t have wanted to hurt her by talking about being attracted to guys too. I needed time to process that.” His lips curled mischievously, and lit his eyes to perfection. “In college, though, all bets were off.”
“Huh. And that was never a problem as an athlete?” I asked, still clearly not grasping this news flash.
“Nah, I was careful in the beginning. There were definitely times I walked away from guys I was interested in, but after a while, it didn’t seem to matter. No one was watching me that closely. I came out to my roommate and my parents my freshman year and a teammate on the first team that drafted me, the Blue Devils. After that, it was a need-to-know basis, I guess. The people that mattered knew…a few coaches and close friends. That was it. It might have come up more often if I’d had a boyfriend, but I haven’t had one of those in geez…” He scratched his temple and shrugged. “Maybe five years?”
I was reeling. No joke. It was a good thing I’d sworn off Court Henderson years ago because damn it, this was news and double damn it, I liked him.
But I had that disoriented, twisty feeling you get from roller coaster rides with particularly perilous inclines and death-defying loops. And if that sounded a tad extreme, sue me.
See, teenage me had been very invested in this guy, and I’d thought I had Court Henderson figured out. He’d been a nice kid, a good student, a talented athlete. He’d dated a cheerleader, gone to college, and gone on to play professional hockey. I’d assumed Court would have been married and had a kid or two like everyone else our age from this town. I most certainly hadn’t counted on him being…sort of like me.
It was extremely jarring.
“Five years,” I repeated dully.
“Yeah, we were together for a year, more or less. I liked him a lot, but he was a nurse and I was always on the road and…our lives never meshed well.” He picked up his empty glass and laughed. “I can’t believe I’m telling you my life story. What the fuck is in this stuff?”
“Uh…alcohol.”
“Right.” He squinted. “You’re still looking at me funny. Don’t tell me you have a problem with me being bi.”
My chuckle was a bit stiff, but it was the best I could do. “No, of course not.”
“But…”
I stood to grab a new bottle of soda water and a fresh lime, refilling our glasses before taking my seat again. I didn’t want another drink and he probably didn’t either, but I wasn’t sure what to do with my misplaced angst.
“But the truth is…I’m fighting a childish urge to pour the rest of this bottle over your head. Do you have any idea how fucking hard it was to be a queer kid in Elmwood? Theonlyqueer kid in town.”
Court furrowed his brow. “I—what?”
“You heard me. It was miserable. My mother tried to assure me I was a rare diamond on a beach of basic rocks, but it definitely didn’t feel that way.”
“What are you talking about? You had friends.”
“I had Stacy. She was and is my superstar bestie. If it hadn’t been for her, I would have spent every day alone at recess and lunch from kindergarten through at least third grade. I was so shy I could hardly form full sentences and when I finally got the courage to speak up, I was always a little too…me. I didn’t run, I skipped. I didn’t want to play hockey, I wanted to figure skate. Boys in our grade were pricks to me. Danny Grossman used to put sticky notes on my back with stupid sayings like ‘Kick me’ or ‘Kiss me.’ I got shoved in lockers, tripped into bushes, and my lunch was stolen on the regular by assholes like your friend, Kyle.”
His shocked expression was almost comical. “I had no idea.”
“I know. You were one of the good ones, and I have fond memories of you, It just…wasn’t easy, and it would have been nice not to be the town freak. Of course, I’m being totally unreasonable, and I should just shut the fuck up.” I lifted my glass and pointed knowingly. “I’m blaming the gin.”
Court didn’t smile the way I hoped he might. His frown lines deepened as his gaze drifted to the floor. “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t have been a help to you in those days. I wasn’t very evolved in my sexual discovery, if that makes sense. I thought the script was the same for everyone…even if our interests were different. Didn’t you?”
“Absolutely fucking not. In fact, I was positive Icouldn’thave what everyone assumed they were entitled to. No picket fence, no dashing husband, no darling dog, and no PTA chairperson job at my children’s school for me. I think that’s why I embraced my emo side with gusto in high school. If I was going to stand out in a crowd, I wanted to look vaguely menacing, which is borderline hysterical, ’cause really…are purple nail polish and black eyeliner the armor of a badass?”
“Maybe not, but a black Christmas tree is,” Court replied earnestly.
This time when our eyes met, we both chuckled.
“It is, huh?”