Page 20 of Holiday Crush
“I guess I did. I’m just…shocked.” I twisted the top off the gin bottle and refreshened our drinks. “Does anyone know?”
“Sure. It’s not a secret.”
I narrowed my gaze. “Soeveryoneknows? Like your parents and your friends and…your teammates?”
“Yeah,” he replied, clearly amused by my awkward stumbling.
“But…you play hockey.”
“Well, technically, I’m not on any team at the moment. And I never played for the NHL or AHL, so there was no public drama. No one gave a fuck if I went home with a guy or a girl after a game. It wasn’t something that mattered, you know?”
“No, actually…I don’t know. It was a total hullabaloo when Vinnie came out.” I threw my hands in the air and leaned in. “You should have seen the press invasion in town a few years ago. I had a guy from theNew York Timesask what Vinnie’s drink of choice was at Rise and Grind, after he asked how well I knew him and what he was like as a human. Can you even? It was the same when Riley came out too, because he was still in the league and his boyfriend lived here. Elmwood was suddenly interesting to the public and while it’s been great for business, the attention is surreal.”
“I bet. The town has changed a lot. I can’t get over how freaking nice the rink is now or how many kids have joined the club teams. Fuck, I played on the junior team for Coach Moore, and we thought we were the bomb. We’d had a small group, and two kids were from Fallbrook. But that’s local shit. Vin, Ronnie, and Riley have a couple of kids coming in from Rutland. Their parents drive an hour both ways for hockey. I’m coaching twelve Mighty Mites starting Monday.Twelve. That might be nothing in bigger towns, but here…I’m blown away.”
I furrowed my brow. “Hmm. That’s nice and all, but let’s get back to the part where you casually dropped the ‘I’m bi’ bombshell, shall we?”
Court snickered. “It’s not a bombshell. Look, I never waltzed into locker rooms and announced my sexuality, but I never denied it if it came up in conversation. And it rarely did. A couple of guys on my teams knew, and my coach and a few trainers, but no one talked about it.”
“So…you weren’t out in public.”
“I wasn’t important enough for anyone to care, Ivan. That’s the point. And since that’s probably your other question…that’s why I got cut from the Sea Snappers. I’ve under-performed for too many seasons in a row, and they want to make room on the roster for young blood. I’m expendable and old. Management knew I was bi for seven years, so I’m fairly certain my sexuality wasn’t the issue.”
“Oh, well…that’s good. Not the getting cut part. I’m sorry about that,” I clarified, raking my teeth over my bottom lip.
I was flustered, and I was having a hard time keeping my thoughts straight. Compassionate hockey platitudes first and then…the bi stuff.
“Thanks. It’ll be all right. I’ll do some time with the kids at the rink here and…hopefully, sign with a new team by Christmas.” He smiled wanly and told me about Vinnie’s offer to introduce him to his agent in exchange for coaching duties. “Vin also thinks I should volunteer around town, and—”
“And that’s how you ended up at Bingo tonight,” I finished matter-of-factly.
He raised his glass and winked. “Bingo.”
“Hmph.”
“It was fun. I don’t think Bingo is my volunteer jam, though,” Court said softly, as if he were talking to himself. He snapped his head up and fixed me with an intense look. “If you have any ideas, let me know. I don’t want to ask my mom and make a production of volunteering. I want this to be as low key as possible.”
“Right.”
“Assuming I have time. I think I’ll be pretty busy at the rink, and I’m sure I’ll get roped in to help at the bakery. Plus, I need to stay in shape and—why are you looking at me like that?”
I polished off the last of my cocktail and tilted my chin. “Like what?”
“Like you’re mad or something. What did I say?”
“Nothing. I’m just…” I smacked my palm on the table and faux growled at him. “How long have you known you’re attracted to men?”
“We’re back to that?”
“Yeah, I know I’m being so uncool about this, but I’m curious.”
He frowned. “Okay, well…since high school, I think.”
“High school!”
“Maybe sooner. Probably junior high,” he amended with an absent shrug. “Max Kruger’s older cousin was visiting from Ohio. He was fifteen, we were thirteen, and I remember being attracted to him. I assumed it was just basic admiration for someone who was already doing things I wanted to do. He played hockey, he was fit, he was funny. He was probably cute too, but I didn’t think that was what drew me to him, you know? It wasn’t until senior year in high school that I realized I got the same butterflies in my stomach, dizzy feeling around certain guys as well as girls. And it wasn’t just admiration. It was definitely lust.”
“Did it freak you out?”