Page 50 of Hold Me Tight

Then he disappears down the hallway with Nora. Her arms are looped tight around his neck like she was made to fit there.

I count to sixty.

Sixty full seconds before tiptoeing after them and pausing outside the doorway. I peek around the corner and find them sitting in the armchair. Nora is wrapped in a blanket and tucked into his lap. River’s voice is low and soothing as he reads Goodnight Moon, turning each page with care. Every so often, my daughter gazes up at him with eyes that are full of wonder, as if he’s her whole world.

And maybe he is.

It’s getting harder to keep telling myself he’s not.

I step back and swallow down the lump of emotion welling within me. My hand presses to the center of my chest, as if that’ll be enough to physically hold my unsettled feelings in place.

Unsure what to do with myself, I wander into River’s bedroom and pause just inside. My gaze drifts around the space, taking in the details, looking for clues as to who he really is.

I’m not sure if I know anymore.

He’s not the man I originally pegged him to be.

He’s deeper.

Gentler.

Kind in a way that feels effortless.

And when it comes to my daughter, he’s so patient and attentive, it brings tears to my eyes. If there’s a way past my defenses, it’s through her.

Whether he realizes it or not, every day he’s chipping away at the walls I’ve spent years building around myself. Not with big, dramatic gestures. But with quiet, consistent moments that sneak in when I’m not paying attention.

A silver-framed photo on the nightstand catches my eye, and I gravitate in that direction before picking it up and studying it. River’s with a beautiful blonde, both mid-laugh with their arms looped around each other. There’s no mistaking the resemblance. This must be his twin sister. She’s a delicate, more feminine version of him, with the same strong features and warm blue eyes.

Does she know he invited a woman and her toddler to shack up in his home?

Would she judge me for not being able to keep a roof over my daughter’s head?

Or think I’m a clout-chasing gold digger looking for a meal ticket?

I cringe at the thought, and gently set the photo back in its place before backing cautiously away.

In all likelihood, I won’t be here long enough for it to matter.

Still, the thought remains as I move toward the bathroom and close the door behind me. My gaze lands on the massive soaking tub in front of the floor-to-ceiling window. I can’t remember the last time I took a real bath.

Who has time for that with a small child, a business, and a never-ending mountain of responsibilities waiting for them?

Not this girl.

I tilt my head and listen for signs of Nora’s distress. Anything that’ll tell me I’m needed. That he’s not as capable of handling her as he’d assumed. A handful of seconds slip by, and still, the penthouse remains silent.

Peaceful.

I chew my lower lip as a silent war rages inside my head.

Duty versus exhaustion.

Just fifteen minutes.

That’s all I’ll allow myself.

If River needs me, he’ll figure out where I am.