Page 31 of Hockey Player Seeking Fan (Billionaires Seeking Wives Club #2)

Chapter Twenty-One

E rica

I find myself singing songs about love. Songs about freedom. Songs about flying like a bird.

There’s a lightness in my heart that I don’t know I’ve ever experienced before, and I can tell by the way Sabrina is looking at me that she can sense it.

“Good evening,” she says, munching on her sandwich.

I nod as I take a couple of potato chips.

I want to share everything with her, and yet.

.. It’s not like in the past. There are some things I want to keep secret, sacred, just between Tyler and me—not because I’m embarrassed or ashamed, but because they feel special.

They feel intimate. They make me feel closer to him.

I feel like he knows a part of me that no one else has ever seen, and even though I’m not his first, I feel like I know a part of him that other women haven’t seen.

“You still haven’t answered me, Erica.”

“Sorry. I just feel so alive.”

“You feel alive?” she repeats after me and offers a warm smile. “I guess you feel alive because you are alive. And I’m so gloriously, wonderfully happy about that.”

“Can I ask you a question?” I lean back in the booth, grabbing my quesadilla and taking another cheesy, creamy bite. The food is delicious. The guacamole is top-tier. And yet, all I can think about is Tyler.

“You can ask me anything, you know that.”

“How did you know when you were in love with my brother? How did you really know?”

“I don’t know,” she says. “I guess I just felt it in my heart. It was the way he made me feel when he smiled at me. It was the way I thought about him when he wasn’t there.

It was the way that, no matter how much I hated him or didn’t want to be around him, there was still a spot for him in my heart. Why are you asking?”

“Just because.”

“You think you feel that way about Tyler?” she asks. “I’m your best friend, Erica, and I’m not going to judge you.”

“I mean, I know you’re not going to judge me.

But I feel like if I say it out loud, it makes it real.

And if it makes it real, it cements it out there in the universe.

And whenever you cement something like that in the universe, it often leads to heartbreak.

And I’m just not ready for heartbreak. I just want to enjoy it. ”

“Because you’re worried he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“He definitely doesn’t feel the same way.

He’s different from me, and that’s okay.

This is my first real love story, I guess.

He’s my first lover; he’s my first everything.

And I guess I’m not as na?ve as I was before.

I don’t necessarily think that this means he’s my last. I understand now that this just means that it’s.

.. something. And sometimes somethings end. ”

“How poetic.”

“What? I’m not trying to be one of the Bronte sisters.”

“I know. How are you feeling about the podcast? About the fact that we now have thirty-five people who’ve listened to something my brother’s invested a lot of money into... that I thought was going to make us rich and famous?”

Sabrina nods. “Just because we didn’t kill it with the first episode doesn’t mean our next episodes aren’t going to do really well.”

“I know. And actually, I’m okay with it.

I mean, I’m not okay with it—my pride still hurts, and I’m disappointed.

But I’ve realized something that I never realized before: it’s okay to fail.

It’s okay to have to start over. It’s okay to not be okay.

I guess I’ve been lucky that my own existence has been pretty good. ”

Sabrina nods. “Yeah, you’re right.” She grabs her glass and drinks some water, then takes another slice of quesadilla and munches on it.

“Erica, we’ve been best friends for a really long time, and you’ve always had things that I didn’t.

But I want to tell you that I never—not once—felt like you took your life for granted.

I never felt like you looked at me differently.

I never felt like you thought you were better than me.

Just in case you were worried that was how you came off. ”

“Thanks. That means a lot.” I sigh. “It’s not even about the fact that I’m worried people think that I think I’m better—because I don’t.

I’m more worried, or not necessarily worried.

.. but more concerned about the fact that—what have I ever done to really give back?

I mean, yeah, I tried to help you out a little bit, but that was because of my own vested interest in our friendship and caring about you.

What have I done for the bigger picture? ”

“You don’t have to figure it all out in one day.”

“I know.” I change the subject. “Did I tell you that Tyler is so very talented?”

“You did. Maybe five times.”

“He created this painting of the Brooklyn Bridge. I’m just mesmerized. Like—it actually sold. And for ten thousand dollars. I mean, he doesn’t need the money, but how cool is that?”

“That’s really cool. I wish I’d seen it in person.” Sabrina nods.

“The museum curator, Pierre, asked him if he’d be willing to show his other painting in the next exhibit. But he said he’d think about it. He doesn’t think it will sell because it’s an anatomical picture of a heart. But weirder things have sold, right?”

“Yeah.” Sabrina studies my face and then grins. “I think you may have met the one, Erica.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think this man could very well be your soulmate.”

“He is not my soulmate. He’s just a guy that I met, who turns me on, that I’m having fun with and is just nice to be around.”

“But he makes your heart pitter-patter, right?”

“Yeah. He makes my heart pitter-patter. Right now, what I feel inside...” I pause.

“I feel like it’s my birthday and Christmas all in one.

I feel like I just want to cry because I’m so happy.

I feel overwhelmed with emotion in my body.

My body feels like it’s never felt before—like it’s floating in air.

” I sigh. “I feel ridiculous. How can I feel this way? It’s not even a real relationship. ”

“You guys went on a date.”

“True. He did call it a date. So maybe it was a real date.”

“It was a real date.”

“I know it doesn’t feel real. Wes doesn’t know. Miles doesn’t know.”

“Are you going to tell them?”

“I don’t know. Neither one of us has really discussed it.

I mean, if he were my boyfriend-boyfriend, of course, my brothers would have to know because it would be something really important.

But I don’t even want to bring it up because maybe we’re just friends with benefits.

I mean, we’re still technically in the middle of the bet. ”

“Girl, you are not still in the middle of that bet.”

“We are. And neither one of us has won. I don’t even know what the prize is.”

“Girl, his prize is going to be for you to fuck him somewhere.” She laughs out loud.

“Well, then he can claim victory as soon as he wants because I’m open.” I wrinkle my nose. “Actually, that sounds kind of tacky when I say it like that.”

“It’s okay. I know what you mean.” She laughs. “So he’s good in bed?”

I nod slowly. “I mean, I don’t have much to compare it to, but... fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge.”

She laughs out loud. “You really like fudge, huh?”

“I love Mason fudge. It should be illegal how much I love fudge. And his fudge.” I whistle. “It is very nice.”

“Oh my God, I never thought I’d witness the day when my best friend Erica was talking about how much she loved giving—eating—fudge.”

“I say eating fudge. Giving head. Same difference.”

Sabrina slams her hand down. “I’m sorry, I’m so uncool, aren’t I?”

“It’s okay. But you’re correct. I like giving head. And eating fudge. And I’m happy to report that he is the same way.”

“Oh my gosh.” Sabrina shakes her head. “So what’s the plan for tonight? Do you want to go to the movies?”

“Well, Tyler has a game in two days and a big practice tomorrow, so I said I’d call him. He doesn’t really want to hang out since he can’t have a late night.”

She stares at me for a couple of seconds. “So wait, what? You’re going to call him and then... you want to watch a movie?”

“No, I figured I’d call him and then work on editing the second episode. And figure out how I can help at the women’s shelter that I volunteer for. I told you I went to the orientation, right?”

“Yeah, you did. That’s awesome.”

“It’s really important. And it’s really kind of... hardcore.”

“We don't actually even know where the different shelters are until they figure out if they can trust us.”

“Wow,” she says. “I never realized some of these women and their kids were in really escalated situations with really bad domestic violence, and they just can't have their partners finding out where they are. And I guess there are people who sign up just to get that information.”

“That's horrible.”

“Yeah. Oh my gosh. I didn't even realize.” She looks sad. “But you're doing something to help people, and that must make you feel good.”

“You know what? It's not even about making me feel good. It's about making me feel like I'm just not a leech on society. I don't want to be a parasite. I don't want to be just taking all the good and giving nothing back.”

“You can never be a parasite, Erica.”

“I know. But spoiled little rich girl who doesn't have anything to worry about other than her podcast getting bad numbers and meeting her soulmate? Come on. I'm surprised I haven't been?—”

“Stop.” She holds her hand up. “We're not going to have you talking like that about yourself, okay?”

“Okay. Why do I love you so much, Sabrina?”

“Because I'm your best friend. Oh, by the way, Suki said that she met some guy and wanted to let you know that she's grateful for the conversation that you had the other day, because now she's learning to let go, as well. Whatever that means.”

“I can't even remember the conversation that we had, and I don't know what I said.”

“That means she would let go—because let's be real, she already used to let go all the time.”