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“I can’t say that…” said Jimothy, his gaze distant. “I accepted one from a dick enhancement company. I’m not enhancing my dick, in case you’re curious. I just like money.”

“Zero judgement from me,” said Bodie, hefting his own box into the area for sorting. “Do you know, there are butt plugs?—”

“Excuse me!” a woman called, carefully picking her way through the overgrown back yard.

She wore a flowered dress, gloves, and a cute little hat—straight out of the nineteen fifties, if Meredith was entirely accurate.

She wondered if the woman would get ticks from the grass or if she was another of their ghost neighbors. “Do you have a moment?”

The woman seemed to be holding a casserole dish, and her eyes kept darting to their fire before her lips pinched. Meredith noticed it, but then again, she didn’t trust many humans. “Can we help you with something?” she asked the woman.

As she got close enough, the woman held out a white casserole dish with blue flowered print on it. She wrapped towels around either end, suggesting the dish would be hot. “I brought you a little something to welcome you all to the neighborhood. I’m your neighbor to the left, Patty Cruchbullyard.”

Jimothy, closest to her shoved casserole dish, accepted it carefully before shooting Meredith a panicked look. He mouthed the word help , and she realized southern-styled church ladies probably weren’t his strong suit.

“That was so nice of you, Patty. I’m Meredith Capybarabara, and we’re here with Hoarder Hell House Home Improvements, a competitive show being aired on one of the streaming platforms as well as to special subscribers.

Although one of us might end up being your future neighbor, we’re unfortunately not yet up to receiving guests, as I’m sure you can imagine.

We’re still gutting the house.” Meredith added her best society smile while shaking the woman’s hand with far too much vigor.

The woman’s lips pinched, but she didn’t back down from Meredith’s confidence. “Speaking of that…”

“Of what?” asked Jimothy, because although he might not be great with church ladies, he recognized catty when it started.

“The gutting of the house. Behind you, is that a fire I see there?”

She pointed, but the bonfire towered over ten feet tall behind Meredith and roared. It wasn’t like they were hiding it, or the belching black clouds of smoke billowing up from their constant flame.

“It sure is,” Meredith said, her voice full of the same hokey pokey, po-dunk flavor she heard in Patty’s tone. “Real astute of you to notice it, actually. We’re just burning off some paper and wood we’ve found in the house so far, as per local ordinances.”

Patty’s nose wrinkled, an absolutely adorable expression Meredith instantly hated.

“Those sure do look like mattress springs behind you, young lady. And I do believe I can spot what honestly looks like a tire. You folks aren’t burning garbage illegally, are you? Because that wouldn’t be legal at all.”

“What a ridiculous conjecture,” Bodie said, lying with ease.

“I thought so. Nice meeting you folks, and looking forward to you joining the neighborhood,” Patty said, picking her way across the field.

Bodie grabbed a beer, popping the top. “Might as well get comfortable out here by the fire for a bit, boys.” His eyebrows rose when his gaze flicked to Meredith. “And girl.”

“Why is that?” asked Jimothy, beginning to sort through another box and toss stuff into the fire. They at least had a pile of things that might be sellable growing, finally, so it wasn’t just straight trash anymore at least.

“Because that nice, flowered-dress casserole lady will call the cops or the fire department on us,” Bodie said, dropping into a lawn chair near the fire. “Bet you five bucks.”

Meredith grabbed a beer, since it sounded about right to her. “Don’t worry,” she said, smirking. “I’ve got this.”

Sure enough, a few minutes later, they barely forked into the casserole when a red fire truck pulled into their overgrown driveway, lights on, sirens blaring.

Firefighters poured off the vehicle, bringing a hose with them as they raced to the backyard.

Before they could make it to quench the fire, though, lightning crashed through the trees, striking the middle of the fire, and exploding the bonfire into another rain of burning projectiles.

Slater pissed his actual pants, his camera still focused on the space where the fire had been moments before, and an actual burned crater remained in the ground.

His camera still rolled, still focused on the scene, but his mouth gaped open, and he blinked at them as if trying to make sense of reality.

The firefighters all froze, some still holding parts of a large hose, some with their heads tilted in confusion, none sure what to do about a random lightning strike.

Even her three competitors stared, frozen with varying degrees of shock on their faces, instead of ducking out of the way of the raining fire and ash.

Then everyone seemed to return into motion at once. “Did you see that?” Jeremiah and Jeremy gasped, grabbing each other’s arms and practically dancing in shock. “I’ve never seen lightning so close before. And we’re still alive!”

“What the actual fuck?” said Bodie, completely baffled as he stroked his chin and considered their former bonfire.

The firefighters seemed equally perplexed, but their leader shook off his confusion the fastest, approaching the crater and the group of rehabbers with a stern expression. “Were you folks illegally burning garbage out here?” he asked, as if recalling why they even came in the first place.

“Where?” asked Meredith sweetly.

He gestured, sputtered, and then put his hands on his hips. “We all clearly saw a huge bonfire before that lightning bolt hit, ma’am, and we got a call from a concerned neighbor.”

“I’m sure you did,” Meredith agreed easily, “But as you can see…” She gestured again; in case he missed it.

“We’ve just been the victims of a completely random act of God himself, and we are of course distressed in this time of natural disaster.

What are we to do with this now burning pit, which might still smolder for days, because of this natural lightning strike, a common occurrence in this area during this time of year? ”

She worded her question specifically, and the head fireman, with his larger hat and more dignified jacket, noticed the specificity.

He tucked his thumbs into his waistband, considering his enemy carefully from head to toe for a few long seconds before responding.

“It probably will smolder, so any calls from the neighbors would be ignored, at least for the next couple of days.”

“Tragic, really,” Meredith said, glancing back at the hole in the earth again.

“What were the chances of lightning hitting in the backyard? We even have a lightning rod up on the house, above the widow’s peak,” she reminded him.

“Is there something more we can do as property owners to ensure this kind of thing doesn’t happen again in the future? ”

Probably blinking innocently at him was a stretch too far, even for him, because the firefighter pinched his lips at her before propping his hands on his hips. “If we do have to come back, I guarantee we’ll be here to write you a citation,” he pointed out.

“Fair enough,” she agreed, beaming at him. “Thank you so much for coming out to check on us today. We really do appreciate it, and all you do for the community.”

“We’re going to have to try to put this out to the best of our ability, first,” he said with a smile that seemed particularly devious as he signaled to his crew. “Although I realize it might reignite after we leave, we still have to do what we can. You surely understand.”

Her lips pinched. She couldn’t stop him, but she would be using magic to get the fire going again rather than lighter fluid, so pooh on him and his attempt to stop her.

She watched as the firemen carefully put out the fire, stomping on areas that smoked or smoldered, before packing up their truck and backing out of the driveway.

Once they left, she turned to her team with determination. “First, we take advantage of the fact they put out the fire to get the metal, like the mattress bedframe springs, out of the fire pit. Let’s get them all hauled into the dumpsters, refill our pit, and light her back up again.”

“Won’t the neighbor just call the fire department again?” Bodie asked, clearly not understanding the negotiation Meredith just pulled off.

“No, because it was a lightning strike and not a fire, so it is likely to have caught things like roots and other underground bits on fire as well as the surface fire the fire department put out. Any calls to the fire department about this property for at least the next couple of days will be disregarded as likely lightning-related smoldering smoke from the strike.” She grinned, still proud of her idea.

“But seriously,” said Jimothy, grabbing some metal and beginning to drag it. “What are the chances of lightning hitting our bonfire right as the fire department came? Do you think one of the ghosts did that? I’ve never heard of ghosts manipulating lightning before.”

He glanced around, seeming more than a little creeped out.

Although Meredith wanted to encourage his fears, hoping he would drop out, they made an agreement to work together.

With a sigh, she told him, “I don’t think it was ghosts.

I think it was karma. I think we just got really lucky, so I wouldn’t worry about it, if I was you. ”

She couldn’t exactly admit it was a spell, and she did it with a simple wave of her wand behind her leg, even if she wanted to comfort him.

Jimothy breathed out a sigh of relief as he headed for the dumpsters, apparently taking her explanation as believable.

Meredith felt a hand at her waist and turned to find Jeremiah closely behind her.

“That was really nice of you,” he said, and she noticed again the way his eyes crinkled just a little at the corners.

Nice eyes, she thought, a warm color she could kind of melt into, if she let herself.

“No problem,” she brushed it off, intending to back away from him, but he squeezed her a bit closer, so she met his eyes again, their breath lingering.

A long shiver went through her body— awareness?

She hadn’t wanted a man for so long, the sensation almost seemed foreign to her, but she recognized the slow curl of heat in her nether regions.

“Thank you, regardless,” he said, giving her nose a nuzzle before releasing her and stepping away.

Meredith practically sagged, wanting to fan her face like one of those women in movies.

Her gaze met Bodie’s across the fire pit, and she noticed his knowing gaze.

She stuck her tongue out at him unrepentant. He winked at her.

“I see you, too,” Bodie said, after Jeremiah tucked back into the house to get more burnable items. “In case you’re curious. Haven’t caught a moment like Jimbob just did, but I’m watching you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Meredith asked with a scowl, patting Gary’s head before she returned to sorting through boxes. The latest box seemed to be mostly filled with clothing, but all too mildewed or dry rotted to be sellable. “You should be watching your work.”

“I think you know what I mean, Red,” Bodie said, hefting another old catalog into the pit. He turned to head back into the house for another load, but he added, “And I think you feel it, too.”

Meredith swallowed hard, focusing on the muscle strain of hefting things into the fire and, in the few seconds when no one was around, she reignited the thing, casting both a drying spell and lighter fluid over their pile in a rush.

If she focused on the work, she didn’t have to consider his puzzling words, or the shiver of sensations caused by Jeremiah nuzzling his nose against hers.

Who even did that, anyway? It was so ridiculous.

So why did she shiver again, just remembering it? The problem with hard physical work was it gave her mind plenty of time to spin fairytales and make up stories that were literally impossible in the real world.

For instance, her imagination could easily imagine Jeremiah backing her up against a wall, pinning her hands above her head before he practically growled and tasted her lips.

Their kiss would linger, until she practically struggled to get free of his restraining hands to touch him, but instead of releasing her, he passed her to Bodie, who gripped her ass and lifted her into his arms, grinding her body against his hardness.

Pleasure would arc up her spine, then Jeremiah could cup her breasts from behind, stretching her between them?—

“Your face is getting pretty flushed,” Bodie pointed out, dropping a box near her with a thud that startled her. “Should you go take a break?”

She stood, brushing her hands down her pant legs, cheeks on fire, because even though he couldn’t read her mind, she knew what she just imagined. “Probably,” she agreed, since cold water on her face couldn’t hurt.

“What were you thinking about, Red?” he asked in a lower voice, one that caressed across her flesh like a touch.

“Nothing!” she replied, way too quickly.

“You let me know when you’re interested in turning some of those thoughts into reality,” he said, glancing back as Jeremiah exited the house with another load. “I’m betting farm boy would be into it, too, if we asked.”

Did he just suggest a threesome? she wondered, then she darted into the house, practically dizzy from the amount of fire in her cheeks.

Splashing cold water on her face helped some, even if it did mean looking at the moldering sink again.

She entered the contest to win a house, she reminded herself.

If she also won money, great. She most certainly didn’t come to hook up with two guys…