Page 27

“Sometimes I like being scared. But in a safe way, when I’m on the couch, and all the doors are locked, and I’ve checked in the closets and under the beds.

Sometimes I even pull out my old teddy, even though half his stuffing’s fallen out.

” She cracks a grin. “I know that sounds totally contradictory.”

“No, I get it. Being in the house at night can be creepy for me, too. Mom works long hours at Chalice, and she usually tries to be home before I go to bed. But there’s nothing worse than hearing weird creaks and wishing there was an adult around.”

I don’t say this part, but Mom puts in way more hours now. When I was a kid and Dad had overnight trips in the Longing Woods, she’d cozy up in bed with a book long after I’d fallen asleep. I always knew he’d be safe out there, and we’d be safe at home. Now I can’t sleep until I know she’s there.

Tonight, I can’t help but wonder if she’s in bed already, if she’s texted me goodnight. If she can sleep knowing I’m out here. If, two Marwoods down, our house feels less like a home.

I wonder what Kiara thinks about when her brown eyes flit away, almost black now that they don’t reflect the leaping flames.

“I wish—” She stops herself.

“We’ll be okay,” I say. “ You’ll be okay.”

My words don’t reassure her at all. Kiara’s brows draw together, two dark slashes on a wan face.

“I’m not worried for me , Nova. Do you get how much it sucks that you—that you’re all here risking your lives for me?

Before this, nothing bad has ever happened to me.

Like, I bombed the PSATs, and my dad’s parents in India passed away, and while those things felt like the end of the world at the time, I was essentially going to be okay, eventually.

But this…this hex? This is something bad happening to me, but worse, it’s happening to the people I care about because of me.

I feel like shit.” She rubs at her nose, pressing her lips tight. “If anything happens to any of you…”

My heart slams against my rib cage, and for the space of one heartbeat, I want to tell her. I want to tell her that it’s not on her, that her guilt is actually mine. That I’d gladly take it from her if I could.

But she’s not done. She picks up speed, whisper-hissing the words at me, too low for anyone else, but they crash like cymbals in my ears.

“When Radhika, Keiffer, and Tayla didn’t come back on time, all I could think about was every horror movie I’ve ever seen and all the ways they could be hurt or…

or worse in the woods. And the whole time, I’m not thinking about me at all.

I’m thinking about what we’re going to do and what we’re going to tell their parents if they don’t make it back.

And that if anything happens to any of you out here, it’s my fault.

” Her voice catches. “I feel guilty— so fucking guilty —all the time. You have no idea what that’s like. ”

I hear her, my heart going one hundred miles an hour. Kiara’s words are a little too sharp, a little too close to home.

“I say this politely: get over yourself. I know you think you’re oh so special , but you’re not the only person who feels—” I can’t get the rest out, not without wanting to vomit beans and bile. “Whatever. Forget it.”

I’m not enough of a jerk to leave her to carry everything, so I haul the pot away with me, leaving her to safely dispose of the dirty dishwater and carry back the plates and utensils.

Tayla’s gazing into the fire when I return, toying with the collar of her zip-up hoodie while Evan’s body is sprawled half in, half out of their tent.

Maybe the flames have hypnotized Tayla because her expression doesn’t even flicker when I approach, lumbering with the cooking pot.

Radhika and Keiffer are snuggled up, sharing a buffalo check blanket.

Evan gives me a sleepy smile before calling out, “Hey, Radhika, can I borrow your book?”

“It’s in my tent.”

It’s not a no, but it’s hardly a yes, either. Radhika doesn’t volunteer to go get it, and after a few beats of expectant waiting, Evan gives up. Their lips tic upward, and the firelight casts them in an impish, eerie orange glow. “Wanna tell ghost stories?”

“No,” Keiffer says quickly.

“Scared?” asks Evan. It’s not a challenge, only curiosity.

“It’s been a weird night,” says Radhika. She and Keiffer glance at each other before she continues. “Plus we have a long walk again tomorrow. We don’t need to be up all night scared of shadows and strange noises, which hello, we’re outdoors, so of course there will be.”

Keiffer rises when he sees me. “I’m gonna go take a leak,” he announces, grabbing his flashlight. “Nova, do you mind sitting with Radhika until I get back?”

“Yeah, sure.” I’m about to sit opposite her when she holds the blanket open for me to join her.

After my outburst with Kiara, my skin bristles with guilt, and my face feels hot. Getting under the heavy flannel sounds miserable, but I’m not about to ignore Radhika’s gesture, either. If this is an olive branch, I’ll grab it with both hands.

“Keif!” Radhika calls. When he turns, she says, “Don’t go too far.”

“You two looked cozy,” I say as I settle in next to her, resting the pot on my lap.

She smiles, all soft and tender. “He’s a cutie. Thanks for joining me. It’s so embarrassing that he thinks I need to be taken care of, but I enjoy it.” She peeks at me from the side, like she’s waiting for me to judge her or something.

“I would too,” I say honestly, earning another smile, but this one is meant for me. “It’s been a while since someone took care of me.”

I’m thinking of my mom and dad, but Radhika’s face creases as she says, “Who were you dating?”

“What? Oh…um. The only person I’ve dated is Austin. It wasn’t really anything, and there hasn’t been anyone since. Guess I’ve been having my own run of bad luck.”

Radhika makes a face, which at first I think is because I casually dropped bad luck in a sentence, but then I realize is an expression of sympathy.

Validation thrums through me. It sounds silly, but that face she made makes me feel seen.

I might have been a bit tragic just now, but I was also being honest with someone I wouldn’t have trusted a day ago. Even a few hours ago.

What’s changed? My worry for her? Is this trip going to be one of those things where we’ll all come back besties?

“You’ll break your curse,” says Radhika. “After helping us with Kiara’s, yours will be a cinch. Especially when you look like you.”

“Can’t be any more dangerous than this,” I agree. “And…thanks?”

Romance isn’t everything—it isn’t even the most important thing—but I still want it. Not only because Kiara’s taken it from me but because I know what it can look like when it’s good. It can be a true north.

A twig cracks. It’s close, too. Evan squeaks and Radhika goes stiff and Tayla half rises, but when we see it’s Keiffer and Kiara, all of us breathe a collective sigh of relief.

“My eyes sting,” says Evan, gesturing to the flames and then rubbing at the delicate skin under their eyes with a fist. Radhika winces. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight!” And with that, they roll into their tent.

“I’m going to turn in, too,” says Tayla. She turns questioningly to Kiara.

“Oh,” says Kiara. “You’re with Evan.”

Tayla hides her scowl. Barely. “I took care of all our scented items,” she says, not quite masking the petulance in her tone.

She aims her flashlight straight at my face then slides it to the trees about a hundred feet away, spotlighting the suspended bear bags full of our food, toiletries, and garbage.

“We should put the fire out. We’re almost down to the embers anyway. ”

Keiffer regards the dwindling flames. Either we all underestimated how quickly we’d go through the wood, or…No. What else could it be? “What about protection from wild animals?” he asks finally.

“They’re hopefully far enough away by now,” says Radhika, and the way she says it, I don’t think she’s only talking about bears.

“You’ll take care of it?” Tayla waits until Radhika nods confirmation before she, too, tucks herself away in her tent for the night. Delegating as usual.

“I’ll help you pack the cooking equipment away,” says Keiffer, clicking on his flashlight, shining it at Kiara’s tent. “Lead the way.” Then to us, he says, “Don’t waste your drinking water. Throw dirt on the flames to smother it out. We don’t want to risk a forest fire.”

I note that he’s being logical about conserving water, which is a far cry from the way he was using up his flashlight batteries willy-nilly earlier. Tonight has made him take this more seriously.

Kiara approaches and scoops the pot from my lap without making eye contact. It sparks something in my belly—regret and frustration that in her eyes, I’m the bad guy.

Okay, maybe I am a little bit.

“Did you two fight?” Radhika asks, voice low and gossipy as we watch Kiara go.

“Depends. If we did, are you going to tell Tayla?”

She rolls her eyes then seems to realize I’m being serious, so she gives me the most long-suffering sigh I’ve ever heard in my life and sticks out a pinkie.

I curl my own around hers and give it a solemn shake. “No, we didn’t fight. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her fight with anyone. She just…I guess I lost patience with her carrying so much guilt about this quest. We’re all here because we want to be. It’s not her fault.”

“You say that like there is someone to blame.”

I freeze, my tongue pressing against the back of my teeth, praying my expression doesn’t give anything away. “What do you mean?”

“Aurora looked into Kiara’s future and saw dark omens. She didn’t give Kiara bad luck, just relayed it. A shitty message, but it’s not the messenger’s fault.”

Letting Aurora off the hook is galling. Haltingly, I say, “I…I guess.”