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Ugh. But at least she doesn’t seem pissed anymore.

Her pinched look relaxes, almost like she wants to laugh at herself for thinking it could be anything else, like she could be dealing with a full-blown teenage rebellion.

Relief blooms across her face like the petals of a morning glory at its first peek at dawn.

What did she imagine? That I’d caught what she called his treesickness , the solace that came over him when he was with the towering trees, the ancient sentinels of the forest?

Unbidden, a memory of my parents swoops into my mind:

Dad double-checking the contents of his blue backpack while I wait by the door, whining for him to hurry. Breakfast is over, my bag is packed, my jacket is zipped. Check, check, and check. Dad, let’s gooooo.

The rumble of his chuckle. The dimple peeking through the scruff on his cheek. Austin and Shane won’t start the hike without us. Have a little patience, Nova. The forest isn’t going anywhere.

Mom chimes in, all teasing words and soft eyes. Listen to your father. He knows what he’s talking about. You know this man is 90 percent sap and bark?

For you, I am 100 percent sap.

Then the sound of a lot of kissing. In the memory, I avert my eyes and dive for the doorknob.

I think that now I would have wanted that kiss to go on forever. The forever they thought they’d have.

“You wouldn’t believe how many college sports I had to sit through while I was dating your dad,” Mom says.

I think the comment surprises her, too, because she stares at the phone and lets it drop on the back of the sofa, where eventually it’ll slink behind the pillows, and she’ll forget where she left it.

“I like it when you mention him,” I say. “I know you probably don’t mean for it to slip out, but it’s nice to know how he was—how you both were—before.”

Maybe it’s the honesty that does it. The wrinkle between her brows softens. “You should have told me, Nova. I…I don’t like it, but I understand that you’re trying to share her interests.”

Yes, I am interested in keeping her alive , I think. I am interested in getting Dad back. I am interested in you being happy again.

Mom’s cautious excitement hovers on the precipice of saying I have her permission to go.

With a whirlpool of guilt churning my stomach, I nod.

“Yeah, and the Mistrys own Bee Outdoors, so Kiara isn’t, like, a damsel in distress or anything.

She knows her way around camping stuff. I’m in safe hands with her. ”

“Well, I’m not thrilled with how you went about this, but…” She sighs. “I remember what it was like being seventeen and crushing on someone. Everything’s so life and death.”

Guilt worms its way through my ribs. More than she can possibly know.

Mom’s smile is crooked, wistful. “I promise I’ll do better. I’ll talk about him more and not just when it comes to insurance bullshit.”

“I’d like that.”

“But this? The lying? That stops now. I want your word, Nova. It’s just the two of us now.” There’s a note of urgency in her voice when she says, “We can’t be like this.”

“We won’t be. Everything will be better when I’m back, I promise.” I mean it so much my heart aches.

“That assumes you’re going.” She shakes her head. “I should have known I can’t stop you any more than I could stop Jules. He always said the woods were in your blood.”

“Does that mean you’re saying I can go…?”

“Very reluctantly.” She levels me with a look of fraying patience. “But stay close to town, and I want you to check in with a text every—No, twice a day. At least. Morning and night. I’m serious about this, Nova.”

The tension leaves me in a whoosh . “Done,” I say.

Luckily, I’d had the foresight—the regular kind, not the Aurora kind—to anticipate that everyone’s parents wouldn’t want their kids totally off the grid.

It’s why Austin and Caroline won’t be coming with us at all.

They’ll set up camp as close to town as possible and send out texts and pictures at regular intervals from our phones to pacify the parents.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I say, throwing myself at her.

“Twice a day,” Mom says firmly, wrapping her arms around me.

She drops a kiss on my crown. I can’t remember the last time we were this close.

The corner of the cigarette pack pokes me in the back, but I don’t move away.

“And I want you to stick with Austin and Caroline,” she says.

“No wandering by yourself. Your dad always said—”

“?‘Things in the forest will lead you astray if you let them.’ I remember.” I pull back from her embrace and offer her my pinkie. “I promise I’ll be safe.”

She cocks her head then twines her pinkie around mine, giving it a firm shake. “You are so like Jules sometimes.” She says it with a smile, and her delivery is light, but it doesn’t land like a compliment.

“Wildly good-looking?”

Mom snorts and gives me another squeeze. “Try willful and pigheaded.”

I fish the phone from behind the sofa cushions and come up with the television remote, her lost hair tie, and one of the many lip balms she misplaces. “I also get that from you.”

“I tell you that you can go for a flirty camping trip with Kiara Mistry and your friends, and you give me this kind of backtalk?” She pretends to scowl, but she can’t stop her lips from twitching. “Go, before I change my mind. And remember, I want proof of life. Pics of you two would be nice.”

“You’ve got it. And, um, Mom? Will you make me a promise, too?” She looks surprised but nods. “Don’t smoke it.” I look at the pack then back at her. “There are better ways to remember Dad.”

“When did you become such an adult?” She smiles, but she hears me.

Maybe. She doesn’t throw it away, but she does shove it back in the drawer, out of sight but possibly not out of mind.

“I promise. Have fun with Kiara.” Her eyes sparkle as she says it.

“I always knew there was something between you two.”

A checkered past? A giant secret? Simmering resentment?

“Something magical,” she adds.

I find myself unwilling to dim her excitement. “Yeah, magic is definitely the word for it,” I say.

After kissing her cheek, I heft my backpack over my shoulder, take the filled thermos of coffee and packaged cake she hands me, and walk out the door. She waves at me through the window, and elation buzzes under my skin when she doesn’t call me back to say she’s changed her mind.

I wonder which of us will break our promise first.

Who am I kidding? It’s totally going to be me.

But if I come back with Dad, it won’t matter , I tell myself. I’ve got this.

Fixing my mistake will fix my family. Finding Dad will fix everything.