Page 52 of His White Moonlight (Dominant CEO Shifter Romance #1)

I reached up to feather my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. Another tremor ran through him. Tipping my head back, I looked up at his tortured expression and closed eyes.

Then I quickly glanced at the clock.

“I know what you’re doing, Wrenly,” he said roughly.

“Is trying to comfort you a bad thing? You’re making it sound like it is.”

His eyes snapped open, and he searched my gaze.

“We both know this isn’t about comfort. At least, not mine. Is living with me that bad?”

I didn’t pull away and kept touching his hair.

“It’s not about bad or good, Bennett. This is about what I want. And I want to go to school like a normal person, not as a mate who has no freedom.”

He frowned. “Haven’t I been better?”

“Yes, you’ve been very careful about giving me choices and explaining what you’re doing. But is that what you want, Bennett? A mate you need to tiptoe around?”

“It wouldn’t be like this forever. We’re learning more about each other. Adapting is normal.”

I set my head on his chest again, which gave me a view of the clock. Four minutes had passed.

“Is it? Don’t people with the same interests and backgrounds have it easier? Less adapting?”

He started pulling away with ten seconds left. I let him go and watched him walk around to his desk. His hands were fisted, and tremors were running through his body.

“You want me to want you like you want me. That won’t happen, Bennett. The faster you adapt to that, the sooner we can both move on.”

I walked out and closed the door behind me.

Miranda looked up at me.

“Well? What happened after we left?”

“They tried begging. It didn’t work.” I sat next to her as her gaze shifted to Bennett’s office window.

“Yeah, begging Bennett for anything would be a waste of time, considering his current mood.”

I turned to look at him with her and caught him with his elbows on his desk and his head in his hands.

“What did you say to him when you were hugging him?” she asked.

“That I won’t ever want him as much as he wants me, and the sooner he accepts that, the sooner we can both move on.”

“Really?” Olivia said, coming around the corner. “I’m happy to help him move on.”

“You’re an idiot,” Miranda said. “We both have noses and know he’ll never—” She cringed and cleared her throat. “Is there a reason you’re here other than to tempt fate and the drywall?”

“I just thought I’d join in the gossip session and say that those people you all talked to left smelling like rage and revenge.”

“It’s their signature scent,” I said, focusing on my laptop.

“You seem pretty indifferent to it. The girl was quietly promising her parents she’d deal with you.”

“I’d like to see her try. Bennett rarely let me out of his sight before this weekend.

Pretty sure he’s going to be worse now.” As I spoke, I realized the truth of my words.

He wouldn’t let me out of his sight at all now.

I could feel a familiar tightness build in my chest. “I think I’ll go to the bathroom on my own while I’m still allowed. ”

I fled before either could say anything.

In the bathroom, I splashed water on my face and focused on my breathing. Then, I used the toilet. Of course, the door opened when I was mid-stream.

“If you have a pail of mop water, don’t do it. Bennett’s already mad.”

“How many times have you been doused while peeing that that’s what you say when you hear the door open?” Miranda asked.

“A few.” I finished and left the stall. She was leaning against the counter and watched me wash my hands.

“You weren’t wrong about him not giving you space now. He saw you leave and was about to follow. I volunteered as tribute after suggesting space was what you needed the most from him. Hope you don’t mind the switch.”

I shook my head.

“Why did you start to panic?” she asked.

“I think it was the idea that I’m going to be even more caged now.” Sighing, I smoothed my hands over my hair and met Miranda’s gaze. “I’ve stayed awake for three days before. Straight. No naps. I remember how exhausted I felt. Exhausted and not really with it, you know?

“I’m getting to that level of tired again…

and I’m sleeping at night. I keep telling myself to hang in there, that things will get better once I leave for school, but I think that’s a lie.

Nothing is going to go my way as long as I—” I shook my head.

“Someone told me that sometimes life is harder than it needs to be. I lost my family to a fire when I was six. I was fostered by a family that accepted me on the surface but left me feeling rejected for the next twelve years. Life isn’t sometimes harder for me.

Struggling is the only way I know how to live, and I’m so fucking tired of it, Miranda. ”

She hugged me so hard I could feel her cup size.

“Um…”

“No, keep feeling sad. Rub against me a little too. This is going to get us a longer lunch break and a few margaritas.”

I snorted but set my head on her shoulder and let my self-pity free for a few seconds. Then I pulled myself together and walked out of the bathroom with Miranda.

She marched right into Bennett’s office, and from the corner of my eye, I watched her waft the air from her body toward Bennett.

Miranda wasn’t the friend I’d expected. I’d been looking forward to a normal friendship with Sophia, but I didn’t hate the support Miranda was giving me. It felt more real than anything I’d ever had in my life. Even more real than Aiden and Karter.

When she emerged, she gave me a subdued thumbs-up and grabbed her purse.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

The fish bowl margarita wasn’t equally shared, but I still had enough that I was feeling pretty mellow when we returned to the office past the normal lunch hour. If anyone gave us looks and said anything under their breath, I didn’t notice.

“Nope, not the desk,” Miranda said, steering me toward Bennett’s office. “You won a free nap with your lunch.”

A nap didn’t sound like a bad idea.

I quietly let myself into Bennett’s office so that I didn’t disturb the call he was on, then kicked off my shoes and settled onto the couch.

Sleep claimed me quickly…the brush of fingers against my cheek brought me out of it a while later.

Opening my eyes, I looked at Bennett, who was crouched beside me.

“You’re beautiful when you sleep. When you’re awake, too. When you run. When you laugh. When you scowl… I can’t think of a single instance when I’ve looked at you and didn’t think you were beautiful.”

“Are you trying to give me a new goal?”

He smiled.

“No. I’m trying to tell you, nothing you do will change how I feel.

I would apologize for it, for not giving you what you want, but I think I’m giving you what you need after feeling abandoned and unwanted for so long.

Unconditional love, Wrenly. Whether we stay together or not, you will always hold my heart. ”

He leaned in and kissed my forehead.

“Now, are you ready to tell Mom why you drank so much that you needed a nap on my couch?”

I sat up quickly. “You told her?”

He shook his head. “You staggered past her on your way back. She has a nose.”

I groaned.

“You can use my bathroom if you want to freshen up first.”

Knowing I couldn’t avoid her, I nodded and left the napping couch behind. He’d set out a new toothbrush for me, which I used before finger-combing my hair back into its artistically relaxed bun.

When I emerged, Bennett was waiting for me.

“Want backup?”

“Nah, I think I’ll be okay. Do Mom and Dad know everything about the Shanes?”

He nodded once, showing his wariness.

“It’s okay. I’m not mad about it. I’ll blame that.” I winked at him and turned toward the door.

My back was pinned against it a second later with my hands caged over my head again. I arched to tip my head and meet Bennett’s gaze. His pupils were going insane.

“How would you feel about rules?” he asked, his voice rough.

“It depends on the purpose of the rule,” I said, unsure of his mood.

“For safety.”

“Safety rules are good.”

“No winking.”

“What? Really? Why?”

He ducked his head to set his forehead against mine. I could feel him shaking.

“Playful Wrenly is the most dangerous version you have. Please…please don’t let her out.

I can’t…” He tilted his head, and his lips found mine.

His need devoured me. My head spun as he poured his desperation for me into that kiss.

And when he pulled away, the hunger in his expression had only increased.

I managed a few shaky breaths as he remained locked in place, visibly struggling for control.

“Are you going to let me go, or is this going to turn into something that won’t end well for either of us?” I asked carefully.

He immediately released my wrists. He didn’t back up, though, which made squeezing through the narrow door opening a little difficult.

“I’m surprised he let you leave smelling like that,” Miranda said as I closed the door behind me.

“Like what?”

“Unfulfilled lust.” She sniffed visibly. “Although I think most of it is his.”

“Nose your own business,” I said. “Unless you want to come with me to explain to Mom why I was tipsy and needed a nap.”

“No thank you. And remember how many times I helped you as you consider shifting the blame to me.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t throw you under the bus tires. The Shanes deserve some tread marks.”

With a wave, I left her to go find Mom. She was in her office, talking on the phone but hung up when she saw me coming.

I let myself into her office and took a seat on one of the chairs in front of her desk.

Her sternness melted a little as she inhaled.

“Did Bennett wake you?”

"Why do you ask when you already know?”

“I only know that he kissed you, not whether or not he interrupted your sleep.”

I glanced at the clock and internally cringed at the time. “He woke me, but considering the time, I think it was warranted.”

“After what happened this weekend, I think you needed the sleep. More than you did the alcohol. Why did you drink, Wrenly? Is it for coping? I have the name of a doctor that you could?—”

“Mom, stop. Please. I drank because I wanted to. I could list a million reasons why…stress, the Shanes, Bennett, you and Dad, this job, all the people who hate that I’m Bennett’s mate, all the shit that happened to me in the past, but I mostly drank because I wanted to feel like I was in control of what I can and can’t do. ”

She nodded and didn’t say anything as she studied me for a moment.

“I don’t want to make any more mistakes,” she said finally.

“Isn’t that what life is, though? Are you even living if you’re not making mistakes?”

She gave me a sad smile. “I’d like to make fewer mistakes with you than doing the right thing.”

“You’re doing the right thing now. Talking to me instead of getting mad. Asking why instead of assuming.”

“It doesn’t feel right. It feels like I might be ignoring a potentially dangerous situation because I’m terrified I’ll lose you for good.”