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CHAPTER 19
M atteo
It’s almost midnight by the time I get to my brother Alessandro’s place on the Upper East Side. I called him from the plane and asked him to obtain some papers for me, but that’s not the only reason I’m here. The thought of going home to an empty apartment after the shitty twenty-four hours I’ve just had was unbearable. I need to be with family and Alessandro was the best option.
I didn’t want to go to Antonio. He’s been bombarding me with messages that make it clear I’m on his shit list. He’s even more pissed now than he was when I decided to stay in Italy longer than he expected. The last thing I need right now is an in-person lecture about my responsibility to the family. Besides, I don’t want to see Isabella. She’ll be disappointed in me for wrecking things with Giulia.
I could have gone to Leo, but he’d show zero sympathy for my predicament and I don’t need anyone to tell me I’m a grade-A asshole. His firecracker wife, Vinnie, would have been right by his side, getting her jabs in. I admire her refusal to put up with bullshit, but not when I’m on the receiving end of her sharp tongue.
Going to my mother’s house wasn’t a possibility either. She’ll be devastated by how badly I’ve fucked things up with Giulia. Anyway, she has a lot on her plate with my younger brother Gio being a dick about time out from the family. So, being the least likely to ride my ass about the situation I’m in, Alessandro is the lucky bastard who gets to watch me drown in self-pity.
When his front door swings open, it’s his wife, Emilia, who greets me. The gorgeous Italian brunette tilts her head to one side and casts an appraising look over me. She purses her lips in what might equally be disapproval or concern. I guess I’m a mess. Though I showered and changed my clothes after torturing the assholes who dared to attack my wedding, I didn’t take care over my appearance. I’m wearing sweatpants, a ratty old t-shirt, and sneakers. My hair is unkempt and patches of stubble cover my jaw.
The moment I learned that fucker Reznov had put my wife on a plane to New York instead of taking her back to the villa like I asked, I headed straight for the airport. Damiano got me onto the only available flight and stuck me in coach. There was nothing to do but stew over my fuck-ups because sleeping with so many strangers around me was impossible.
Reznov is damned lucky Damiano got me out of the villa when he did. I wanted to shove my knife into his cold, unfeeling heart as he stood there and calmly told me what he’d done. My cousins got between us and my sister reminded me that the Reznov Bratva are our allies and their Pakhan is about to marry my mother. Thankfully, the long plane ride gave me time to think, and I realized all the blame for Giulia running belongs on my shoulders.
“My poor Matteo!” Emilia throws her arms around my neck and pulls me into a hug. When she releases me, I feel bereft and I realize she’s the real reason I came here. Her warmth is exactly what I need right now. “You look…” She waves her hand around as she tries to find the right word.
My brother has no such difficulty expressing himself as he joins us at the door. “He looks like shit.”
“Yeah, I could use some sleep.”
“And a shower. You smell like a raccoon crawled up your ass and died.” Alessandro grins, obviously pleased with his juvenile insult. “Well, quit hovering in the doorway.”
He puts his arm around his wife’s waist and steers her away from the door. Shutting the door behind me, I follow them into the living room. When Alessandro lived here alone, my sister used to complain that it looked like a sex club with its black furniture and dark walls. I’m guessing she got that idea from books or movies because I’m pretty sure, despite her nude photo scandal, she’s never set foot in such a place.
Alessandro’s home has been completely transformed since Emilia moved in. Everything is brighter. The sofa is a cream color. There are throw pillows on it and the armchairs are in various shades of blue. The floor is carpeted now, so it’s softer underfoot. A wave of jealousy goes through me. I want Giulia in my home, making it cozy for us. The thought I might have fucked that up forever causes an unfamiliar burning behind my eyes. Shit! Am I about to cry over fucking soft furnishings?
While Alessandro and Emilia sit next to each other on the sofa, I quickly pull myself together and drop into the armchair.
“You got the papers I asked for?” I nod toward the brown envelope on the coffee table.
“Yeah.” Alessandro puts his arm around Emilia’s shoulder and pulls her closer. “You sure it’s what you want?”
To annul my marriage after less than a day? No, it’s not what I want, but if I’m going to have any chance of salvaging any sort of relationship with Giulia, I have to try to undo the damage I did by forcing her into marriage.
“It’s not about what I want.”
“You’re a good man,” Emilia says.
As welcome as her reassurance is, I can’t agree. “The last couple of days prove otherwise.”
Emilia smiles sadly. “You can still fix it. Alessandro and I didn’t have the best start and we’re happy now.”
As my brother squeezes her shoulder, exhaustion crashes over me, bringing with it a deep sense of sadness. I can’t sit here witnessing the obvious love my brother and his wife have for one another. Though I can’t stand being near them, I don’t want to leave either. “Can I crash here?”
“You know where the guest rooms are,” Alessandro says as I get to my feet.
I nod in thanks and walk away.
“For what it’s worth,” Emilia calls out, “I think you’re doing the right thing.”
I don’t respond. I can’t. Instead, I hurry along the corridor, choosing the guest bedroom farthest from the master suite. I don’t bother to turn the light on, but step forward and collapse onto the king-sized bed.
In the morning, I’ll go to Giulia and give her the annulment papers. I’ll set her free and hopefully some small part of her will come back to me one day. My chest tightens at the thought it might never happen. I hated those six months when she was out of my life. I’m not sure I’ll survive losing her again.
As light pours in through the window, I lie in bed and stare up at the stark white ceiling. I can’t help wondering if the pain stabbing deep into my chest as I think about Giulia is payback for what happened to Sofia Montalbano. Although my interrogation of the Rossi assholes revealed she was actually the target that day and not me, I don’t feel comforted. If I’d been more observant that day, if I’d drawn my gun a few seconds earlier, that Rossi asshole wouldn’t have had a chance to fire the shot that snuffed out her young life.
Now that I’m back in New York, I should quit wallowing and get back to my routine. Usually at this time of day, I’d be down at the gym, sparring with one of the guys or assessing the skills of some of our new recruits. Today, I can’t summon the motivation to go down there. I doubt the news of my marriage has spread beyond my immediate family, but I don’t want to risk it. Answering questions about Giulia would be tricky. The marriage is probably going to end before it started. That won’t go down well among our men, who’ll see it as a sign of weakness that I’m letting her go. Stability in the leadership is important to our organization. That’s something I’m sure my oldest brother will delight in reminding me, not that he can fucking talk after the shit that went down with Isabella.
Reluctantly, I haul my ass out of bed and head for the shower. If I’m going to see Giulia, I need to clean myself up. I don’t want her to think I’m trying to manipulate her by looking totally pathetic.
I can’t get the water to the heat I want. I like it to be scalding hot. Alessandro needs to get this fixed. As I’m rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, the door of the shower cubicle opens.
“What the fuck?” I yell as I find my brother standing there.
“Nothing I haven’t seen before, little brother.” Alessandro flashes an arrogant grin.
“I’m little?” Grabbing my crotch, I smirk right back at him. “I’ve seen what you’re packing. It’s a surprise that wife of yours looks so fucking happy all the time.”
Alessandro’s expression sours. I shouldn’t have brought Emilia into our dick-measuring contest. An apology sits on the tip of my tongue, but he doesn’t give me a chance to utter it.
“Get dressed. You have a visitor.” He whirls around and storms from the room. I guess I’m lucky he didn’t punch me.
I finish off in the shower and return to the bedroom to find Alessandro has left a dress shirt and pants for me. We’re about the same size. His feet are smaller, though, so there are no shoes. I’ll have to put my sneakers on until I get back to my apartment. Antonio, who I assume is my visitor, will just have to deal with me not meeting his exacting standards.
As I walk along the corridor, I hear a familiar feminine laugh. I stop dead. An uncharacteristic tremor of uncertainty runs through me. I take a deep breath and follow the sound into the kitchen. Barely noticing Emilia sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar with Alessandro standing next to her, my eyes fall on Giulia. She’s perched on a high stool, eating a bagel and drinking coffee, making friends with my sister-in-law, it seems. Wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, she’s effortlessly beautiful.
The moment she notices me, she sets down her coffee, her expression sobering.
“What are you doing here?” My question comes out harsher than I intended and Alessandro shoots me an unnecessary warning look. I’m not planning to give her a hard time.
“I came to see you.”
“How did you know I was here?”
Giulia scoffs. “You’re not the only one in this town with connections.”
I raise an eyebrow and wait for an explanation.
“I went to your place first,” she tells me. “Then I went to Leo’s. He told me you were here.”
“How did he know?” I look at Alessandro who smiles condescendingly. “Fucking gossips.”
Emilia touches Alessandro’s arm and clambers off her stool. “Let’s leave them to talk.”
“Oh, no.” Giulia sounds mortified. “I don’t want to drive you out.”
“It’s okay,” Emilia assures her. “I need to get to work and Alessandro has to go smooth things over at Ava’s house.”
“Why?” I turn to my brother. “What’s going on?”
“Mamma was so thrilled to hear you were coming home, Gio decided it was the ideal time to drop the bomb that he’s leaving in two days.”
“Leaving?” Giulia asks.
“For Scotland?” My younger brother’s been talking about it for a long time, but since he got shot in an ambush a couple of months ago, he’s been more determined than ever.
“Yeah.” Alessandro shakes his head. “Maybe he’ll find some red-haired hellion to put him in his place.”
Silence falls as we all contemplate that. As things become awkward, Emilia clears her throat. “Come on, mi amore .”
She grabs Alessandro and tows him away from the kitchen.
“Thanks for the coffee machine,” Giulia calls after Emilia.
“You’re welcome!” The reply comes just before the front door shuts with a loud click.
“Coffee machine?”
“Emilia donated one to the community center. I’ll need a PhD to work it.”
“You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.”
Giulia smiles tremulously then stares down at her hands.
“You want to sit through there?” I gesture out toward the living room. “It’s more comfortable.”
“Yeah.” Giulia doesn’t take my hand when I offer it, choosing to clamber off the stool by herself. I try not to read too much into the refusal of help. Whether she’s mad at me or not, Giulia has an independent streak.
I let her precede me into the living room. She takes a seat on an armchair. Again, I don’t make a big deal out of her not choosing the sofa where she’d be risking me sitting next to her. She probably doesn’t want me close because it will distract from her purpose in coming here, whatever that is.
As I settle on the sofa, she fidgets with the top button of her shirt. I don’t speak. She sought me out and I need to let her do this in her own time.
“I hope you weren’t too mad with Piotr.” It’s not what I expected her opening line to be.
“He’s not the one I want to spank for this.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Giulia’s eyes widen. She’s startled, but there’s a flicker of desire there too. I have to ignore the spark that ignites inside of me. There are things that have to be said.
“Look, Giulia, I’m sorry I was such an asshole. I don’t know what came over me. I got super-protective and…”
“You were scared,” she finishes for me.
She knows me well. Not much frightens me, but the thought of someone harming her to get to me is terrifying.
“Even so, I should never have locked you in that cell. I shouldn’t have threatened your family, your dreams. I want you to know that whatever you decide to do, I won’t hurt you or your family.”
Giulia’s forehead creases as her face falls into a frown. “Whatever I decide to do?”
“Yes.” I pick up the envelope from the table and hand it to her.
“What’s this?” Her tone is wary.
“Annulment papers. We didn’t consummate the marriage, so…”
Giulia shakes her head in disbelief. “I didn’t expect this.”
She probably expected pain, punishments, demands. She came here to face whatever I intended to dish out. Brave girl.
“If it’s what you want, I’ll set you free.”
“Free?” Giulia hums thoughtfully. “So I could date, fuck who I like, marry anyone I want to?”
I grit my teeth, but like Emilia said last night, I’m doing the right thing.
“Yes, but I want to be in your life, if you’ll let me.”
Giulia’s expression is one of skepticism. I can’t say I blame her after how I behaved.
“You can cope with me dating other men?”
“It would rip me apart,” I tell her honestly, “but if that’s what it takes for us to be friends, then yes.”
“Friends,” Giulia muses. “And if I choose not to sign?”
“Then I promise I will never give you cause to run from me again. I love you, Giulia. I would rather stab myself in the eye than cause you pain.”
She grimaces at the imagery, then gets up, drops the envelope on the table, and walks to the window. She stares out over the magnificent view of the park for a minute and then turns around.
“Do you understand why I left Italy?” she asks.
“Because I scared you. I took away your choices.”
“And now you’re giving me back control?”
“Yes. Whether you dissolve the marriage or not, I won’t ever push you like that again.”
Giulia picks up the envelope and removes its contents. She scans the first page then glances up at me. “But you’ll still be you, right?”
I think about that for a moment, trying to work out what she’s looking for from me. “I’m not sure what you mean, sweetheart.”
“Well, I mean you won’t… uh… you’ll punish me for leaving you, right?”
Is it my imagination, or is there a hopeful note in her voice? Is she looking for a way to move forward? I get to my feet and stalk toward her. “Of course. You put yourself in danger when you ran. I can’t allow that to go unpunished.”
Her tongue flicks out and runs across her lower lip. “What would you do to me?”
“Well.” I wrap my left arm around her waist and pull her flush against me. I drop my head to whisper in her ear. “First, I’d order you to strip. I’d watch you every second as you bare your beautiful body to me. Then I’d bind your wrists and put you over my knee.”
“Then what?” Giulia’s voice is breathless. She’s aroused.
“I’d spank your ass raw and then show you what it means to be mine.”
She puts her hand on my chest, not to push me away, but to grab a handful of my shirt. “What does it mean to be yours, Matty?”
My heart skips a beat as she addresses me by my pet name and gazes up at me with wide eyes. It would be an innocent look if they weren’t darkened with desire.
“It means putting up with me being a dominant, possessive asshole. It means letting me fuck you any way I choose.” I pop open the button on her jeans. “It means your mouth, your pussy, your ass, are mine to stuff full of my cum whenever I want, wherever I want.” I give her a moment to process. “Think you can deal with that?”
“I guess it depends on whether you love me.”
“Oh, fuck, sweetheart,” I groan. “I do. I love you so fucking much it hurts.”
Lowering my lips, I capture hers in a tender kiss. She tastes of honey. As my tongue pushes past her lips, I slide my hand into her jeans to cup her feminine mound. She sways against me, then pulls back. “Wait!”
I withdraw my hands from her jeans and go completely still. Have I read her wrong? Perhaps that’s my problem. I think because I know her so well that I understand her needs.
“We have a little something to take care of.” She holds up the annulment papers and slowly rips them in two.
“Thank fuck!” I breathe out.
Giulia squeals as I bend suddenly and haul her over my shoulder in one slick movement. I stride toward the corridor, back to the bedroom where I slept last night.
“Matteo!” my woman, my wife, protests. “What are you doing?”
“What I said I would do, sweetheart. I’m going to punish you.”
I’m going to show her who she belongs to and I’m going to savor every minute of it.