Page 44 of His Secret Betrayal (Cedarwood Valley Duology #2)

Luke

J ax paces back and forth, carding a hand through his hair and generally looking like he’s about to jump out of his skin.

Averting my eyes, I pluck on a loose, white thread hanging off the corner of my scratchy, rough-textured hospital blanket.

My pulse thrums in the base of my neck, the riot of butterflies in my stomach making me nauseous.

I’ve never been this nervous around my brother.

Not even when I was an impulsive, hot-headed teenager who got caught sneaking out in the middle of the night to party.

To make it worse, every part of my body aches, my head throbbing despite the copious amounts of drugs the nurses and doctors have pumped into me.

Despite this, I’m finally ready to get this conversation over with and I’m not putting it off one more minute.

I’m grateful Alek ushered everyone else out of the room.

He always seems to know exactly what I need, my sweet protector.

Just before leaving, he gave me another peck on the lips and whispered that he would be right outside if I needed anything.

Knowing he’s out there does help soothe some of my nerves, but my heart still feels like it’s going to seize up any second now.

What if Jax hates me after this… What if I lose him?

“Luke, please, you’re scaring me,” Jax whispers. His voice is strained, a worried frown playing around the edge of his lips.

So, I finally manage to unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth and confess to everything.

When I tell him our so-called mother is alive, he whips his head up with a pained sort of noise before staggering into the plush chair next to me.

Still, he doesn’t interrupt my long story.

Jax listens intently, his fists clenching and lips pursing with every sordid detail I reveal.

How I’ve known for a while now that she’s alive, how I purposely hid that knowledge from him, and how thoroughly I failed in my quest to help her.

How she’s been slowly breaking me apart, chipping away my armor piece-by-piece until, I’ve become a broken version of myself I don’t even recognize.

In the end, she loved drugs more than she loved her sons and I paid the price.

Did I really expect to play with fire and not get burned?

As I wrap the story up, my voice scratchy and hoarse, I peek over at Jax.

My entire body is running hot and cold, clammy and sweaty as my heart slams against my rib cage.

Maybe that’s a side effect of the pain or the medications that are beginning to make my head swim, or maybe it’s the wave of humiliation and fear making my insides twist.

A broken sob nearly escapes me at the cold rage burning in his eyes, all my fears coming to life.

Even on my worst day, even when I callously demanded he pick me over Maddison, I’ve never seen his body this rigid.

His jaw is clenched so tightly, I half-expect his teeth to crack any second.

His nostrils flair, rapid little breaths making his chest rise and fall.

I’m going to lose him…

When Jax stands, resuming his restless pacing, I use his distraction to my advantage to wipe away the tears pooling in the corner of my eye.

“I made a mistake…” I trail off, unable to continue forming words around the lump in my throat.

I’ve finally done it this time. He’s going to walk away from me, and I deserve it.

Jax faces the wall, two fingers squeezing the bridge of his nose as his shoulders hunch. “You almost destroyed yourself for her and she…fuck.”

“Jax,” I whisper, my voice cracking on the word. He can’t even stand to look at me. He’s my big brother and he won’t look at me.

“I’m sorry,” he says, his own voice thick with emotion.

I blink, letting those two words marinate as I turn them over and examine them. Did I mishear him? What does he have to be sorry for when I’m the one who betrayed him? “What?”

He looks so sad and desolate when he turns around that it makes my heart stutter. “I should have told you what kind of person she was sooner. It’s… You wouldn’t have been in this situation if I had just told you from the beginning, instead of trying to protect you. And I’m so, so fucking sorry. ”

I gape at him, a relief so profound filling my lungs, it feels like the first real breath I’ve taken in over a year.

Based on the way my knees are shaking, if I weren’t already lying down, I’d probably be on the ground right about now.

My voice is so quiet, so timid when I speak again, Jax has to lean forward to hear me. “You don’t…you don’t hate me then?”

His face contorts and, within seconds, he’s at my bedside with his hand gripping mine so tightly it makes me wince.

“How could I hate you for trying to protect the woman that’s supposed to be our mother?

You had no way of knowing she’s a monster and—fuck!

” He rips his hand away from mine, backing up a few steps before he resumes his angry, restless pacing.

It dawns on me then, as I watch him fidget and try to control his jerky movements, looking like he’s ready to bolt out of the room, that his earlier anger wasn’t directed at me.

His rage was—is—burning on my behalf.

Why does that make me want to weep? If my ribs weren’t broken and cracked, I would squeeze the shit out of him right now.

“She’s going to answer for what she did to you, and so are those two worthless shitheads.” He practically spits the words out, rolling his shoulders.

The vehemence in his tone, the underlying thread hinting at danger, sends a warning signal through every part of my consciousness. A trickle of unease seeps through my nerves, making me swallow as I warily regard him.

Oh, no.

“Jax,” I warn him.

“You are my brother,” he growls.

Oh shit. This is bad.

Jax has always been a bit…protective—and possessive—over those he loves. Thankfully he isn’t typically a temperamental sort of guy, bu t I’m not sure I’ve ever seen his body vibrate with so much fury. Honestly, I’m not even sure if he’s fully aware of what he’s saying.

I need to reel him in before he does something he regrets, like the time he stalked into my principal’s office in middle school and told her if she didn’t get my bullies under control, that he would bring them to heel himself.

Which was super protective and came from a good place in his heart, sure.

But you can’t go around low-key threatening minors, just like you can’t threaten bodily harm on people in general.

“Come sit down,” I try to coax him, keeping my voice soft. Of course, the bullheaded bastard doesn’t listen.

“Nobody is going to make you feel inferior, not even the woman who birthed us,” he snarls.

My heart begins to climb into my throat as he spins on his heel. Pushing up on my elbows, I grunt as the small movement sends a thousand tiny pinpricks of white-hot pain lancing through my ribs before promptly collapsing back down.

Fuckity, fuck, fuck…

“You can’t hurt her,” I call to his retreating back. “It would break Dad’s heart.” It’s a low blow, but based on the intense amount of pain racketing my body every time I try to move, I’m not getting out of bed without assistance anytime soon. All I have are my words.

He pauses, but he doesn’t turn back. “No, but I can give her a piece of my mind. And then I can beat up her piece of shit boyfriend. If I can make him feel even a fraction of the way you do right now—”

“Jax!” I hiss, my eyes darting to the closed door. “Do you want someone to call security on you? Because this is how you get marched out in handcuffs. Chill the fuck out, dude.”

God, if he had said something like that out in the hallway and someone heard him…

He shakes his head, waving a dismissive hand through the air, almost as if he’s swatting a pesky fly.

My slowly rising, simmering fear morphs into true panic as he begins striding toward the door again.

This airheaded fool is going to go to jail on my behalf if I don’t stop him.

And God, I love the idiot so much. If he goes to jail, or gets hurt, or loses his job because of me… I’ll never forgive myself.

Jax sacrificed a lot after our dad died.

While his twenty-one-year-old friends were out partying and picking up chicks every weekend, he was at home, helping me with homework or nursing me back to health every time I picked up a bout of flu from school.

And I think it’s enough . He’s only just recently started to live for himself again, which is why I don’t begrudge him his happiness with Maddie.

If he does this—it’s a step backward, not forward.

“You would look like shit in an orange jumpsuit,” I try.

His hand reaches for the door knob.

“You can’t marry Maddison from a jail cell,” I say, the words rushing out.

Fuck, I really thought that one would work. But his hand wraps around the door handle, and my brain screams at me to do something right now, goddammit. Because he’s my big brother, and some part of me will always need him. And watching him walk away, no matter his intentions, hurts.

“I need you,” I blurt out. He pauses, although I’m too busy babbling to notice at first. My voice cracks, my heart splitting wide open as I finally lose the battle to suppress my tears.

They run down my cheek, warm and sticky, as I show him all my vulnerable pieces.

“Maybe they would deserve to have the snot kicked out of them, but they don’t need you like I do.

You’re my big brother, and I need you here with me.

” I hiccup. “Please…don’t…don’t leave me. ”

Within the span of a blink and a sniffle, Jax is by my side.

No, not by my side. He’s lowering the bedrail and climbing onto the tiny hospital mattress next to me.

Somehow, his movements are both frantic and gentle—so fucking gentle—as he manages to scoop an arm underneath me and pull me against his side.

My head is buried in the crook of his neck, soothing little shushes coming from his throat as he holds me.

“I’m sorry,” Jax croaks, his voice breaking.

Although I can’t see his face, based on the way his shoulders are shaking as he clutches me to him, he must be crying.

I sob, the sound catching in my throat as big, fat tears slide down my cheeks.

My fingers bunch into his shirt, my response stuck in my throat as I’m overcome with emotion.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he vows. “I’m right here.”

My big brother holds me while I weep, every tear an attempt to expel my heartbreak over the events of the past twenty-four hours—although, really, it feels like I’m cleansing myself of every single hurtful, barbed word Evelyn has ever lobbied in my direction.

Like I’m cleansing myself of her toxicity.

At one point, I peek my head up long enough to spot Alek’s shadow in the tiny, rectangular window of my hospital room.

He’s standing with his back pressed directly to the door, arms crossed and body on alert.

And even through the tears, it makes me smile because I know my big guy is standing guard.

Right now, nobody is getting to me without his explicit permission.

That in itself is a gift, the ability to be vulnerable while knowing my love is out there to protect me.

Maybe love hurts and maybe, in a way, that’s what broke me—seeking out love in a place I should have never sought it from.

After getting beaten to within an inch of my life, it would be too easy to swear it off.

But while I weep, my heart trying to mend itself, surrounded by pure, unconditional love in two very different forms, I realize the same thing that broke me is going to glue me back together again.

And I’m going to embrace it.

I’m going to let it seep into every broken piece of me, the warmth of it soothing me until I forget it ever hurt to begin with.