Page 27 of His Secret Betrayal (Cedarwood Valley Duology #2)
“If she wasn’t ignoring me and Dad, then she was yelling at us.
She had major anger issues, and a drug problem on top of that.
Dad tried to get her help on numerous occasions, but she wasn’t interested.
One time, he saved up enough money to get her into a really nice rehab.
She disappeared with it, and came back two weeks later without a cent left.
Waltzed right in while we were eating dinner like nothing even happened. ”
The blood drains from my face, the new information leaving me gaping at him like a fish out of water. “What?”
He sighs. “Dad sent me to my room, but I still remember the way they screamed at each other. He told her he couldn’t do it anymore. That no matter how much he loved her, he had to put me first. When she left, it was one of the few times I saw him openly cry in front of me.”
“Damn.”
He nods. “She came back about a year later and swore she was clean. Told Dad all these pretty lies about how she did it for us, and she was going to be a good mom now. I had never seen him so ecstatic. He was like a kid on Christmas morning, and then I watched that light dim over the next few months when he realized it was all a lie. She returned to her past behavior pretty quickly, and I think it gutted him.”
I feel like I’m going to be sick. I doubt anything could have prepared me for this story.
But then Jax peers up at me with something shining in his eyes I’ve never seen before: hate.
It’s there in the way his nostrils flare, his jaw clenching, and the way his body vibrates with resentment.
It takes my breath away, because I didn’t think he was capable of it.
Sure, he can be a bit stoic and grumpy, but that’s only a cover to mask how hard he loves .
“Maybe it’s wrong to hate a dead woman, but I do.
Watching Dad turn into a shell of the person he was made me hate her. ”
“What happened next?” I’m not sure why I whisper the question when we’re out in the open, floating on a lake with no one around.
“She got pregnant with you, and Dad didn’t want to risk losing you in the process by making her leave. So, he let her stay.”
“Shit,” I murmur, my voice sounding as hollow as I feel.
He nods, his eyes going vacant. “I was too young to go to the hospital with them, so I’m not really sure what sort of complications arose during the labor.
But when Dad came home without her, I remember thinking it was for the best. I thought, ‘At least now she can’t get her claws into Luke the way she has us. ’”
Goddamn, the irony of that statement.
“Dad loved the hell out of her. Doted on her and worshipped the ground she walked on, and it still wasn’t enough for her to love us.
Honestly, we’re better off without her. If she hadn’t died when she did, I probably would have taken you with me after Dad passed and raised you anyway.
Even if I had to chase her away to do it. ”
I’m utterly speechless as I stare out at the serene water.
My emotions are all over the place, and I’m not sure which one I want to land on.
Anger at Evelyn for turning our lives upside down, hurt that she can’t love us the way a mother should, or irritation that Jax has never told me this before.
But also, I think I hate myself a little bit.
Because, despite everything he just said, I still want to hold onto the hope that she’ll change.
How pathetic am I?
“Luke, are you okay?”
Jax’s concerned voice sounds far away, and I have to blink to force myself out of my bleak thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I lie.
Jax changes the subject then, telling me a funny story about a prank one of the guys pulled at the fire department where he volunteers.
I laugh when he reaches the punchline, but it sounds wooden.
When he asks about my new job, I hear myself answer on autopilot.
His eyebrows pull down, eyes soft and swimming with worry, but he doesn’t press me any further.
We fall into silence for the rest of the day.
Eventually, despite our thick bundles of clothing and the blanket strewn across my lap, the cold becomes downright miserable.
My fingers turn numb and stiff inside my gloves, the hot Thermos cooling as I drain it.
The wind picks up, water lapping quietly along the sides of the boat as my eyes begin to burn from the sting of cold air.
When Jax asks if I’m ready to call it a day, I nod eagerly.
We wave goodbye as we pull out of the parking lot, heading in different directions.
I just can’t get it out of my head that all this time, in his own way, Jax has been trying to protect me from Evelyn.
Even though she’s dead—as far he knows, anyway—he still didn’t want me exposed to her toxicity.
I can’t help but wonder what he would have done if I had gone to him when I first found out the truth and told him she was alive .
Now I’m stuck with even more questions. Would things be different if I hadn’t kept this monumental secret from him, and what will happen if he finds out? And why did Dad lie to both of us about her death?
As I drive, my phone rings and I see Eve’s name flash across the screen. For the first time since she’s come back into my life, I ignore her.