Page 43

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Eva

I t’s the weekend which gives me a much-needed break from the craziness of work. I’m back to putting concepts together for Paris. It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of, yet none of it compares to what I have when I get home.

Roman has been more patient and understanding than I could have ever hoped.

There’s one teeny-tiny complaint. I’m horny.

Seriously. This man walks out of the shower with a towel hung low on his hips, running a hand through his wet hair, giving me a glimpse of his biceps.

It’s making me crazy each time I get a glimpse of him without clothes on.

What am I supposed to do with that?

I lie next to him in bed at night and have to stop myself from letting my hand wander over to his side to touch things that I’m not sure I have permission to touch at the moment.

I feel like a needy teenage boy who can’t control himself.

I have resorted to taking care of myself in the shower. It’s the only option, aside from mauling him.

So, here I stand, pregnant, in the shower. I let my hand slide down my stomach until it hits that aching part of me that’s desperate for relief.

The moment I do, my head falls back with pleasure. I lose myself in images of Roman that I now call my Roman masturbation slideshow. It works every time and gets me there within minutes.

I come on the final image of him stroking his own cock right before he pushes it inside of me. A soft moan falls from my lips. I let the tidal wave take me over and wash through me.

It’s not the relief I want, but it holds me over.

I turn the water off and open the shower door. My heart nearly drops out of my chest.

Roman is standing in front of the sink, toothbrush in hand, eyes open, brows nearly at his hairline.

“Roman,” I breathe.

Shit. He definitely heard me. I can tell by the rapid rise and fall of his chest. He knows I was just touching myself. At least he doesn’t know I was thinking about him.

That would be the ultimate moment of humiliation.

“I just needed to brush my teeth,” he stammers.

“No problem,” I reply, giving my best attempt at sounding casual.

Maybe if I pretend nothing happened, he’ll think he imagined it. Like some kind of phantom experience. At the very least, he might just decide to spare me and not acknowledge it.

I walk past him, directly into the bedroom. I gather my clothes and begin to dry off, wrapping the towel over my head.

I hear him fumble around in the bathroom, knocking something over and cussing to himself.

Neither of us appear to be willing to bring up the elephant in the room.

What are we doing? Are we a couple? When do I move back into my apartment?

All questions that need to be addressed. Yet I’m living in our little bubble, terrified to burst it and see what’s lurking on the outside.

He’s already shown me that he wants to be a father. That much I’m sure of. The crib nearly knocked me off my feet. It’s the sweetest gesture he could have done to show me how excited he was for this baby.

I love that he has that memory of his grandpa and that he is already doing things to keep tradition going.

But does he love me ? Does he want me ?

I freaked out in the hospital when he told me he loved me. There was so much fear and chaos whirling around us. I didn’t want to find out later that he said those things for the wrong reasons.

But now I wonder if it was my chance to have everything that I’d ever wanted, and I missed it.

There are times I catch him staring at me before looking away quickly. Or when it feels like his eyes are looking into my soul, seeing every bit of me that I try to hide from the world.

In those moments, I am begging internally for him to kiss me.

The other night, I was standing at the counter, making us dinner, when he came up and placed his hand on my belly.

“I can see the bump starting to appear,” he whispered in awe. “You look sexy as hell with a baby bump. I can’t wait to see it grow.”

I stood like a statue, afraid to even blink, out of fear the moment would end.

This isn’t how I pictured him reacting to the news. You read romance novels, and the guy always has a moment of pure panic, but he hasn’t been like that.

I keep waiting for it to happen. For him to walk in one day and tell me he doesn’t know if this is what he wants.

He walks into the bedroom, where I’m fully clothed and now brushing my hair.

“Walker wants to come over today,” he informs me. “He said his case is at an unexpected standstill and he wants to see the crib.”

I haven’t seen Walker since the day he stopped by after he and Roman talked. I know he still needed some time to process everything.

He’s kept in touch through text. Always asking how I’m feeling and if there’s anything he can do.

I didn’t know he was openly communicating with Roman.

“Really? You guys have been talking?” I ask hopefully.

“Don’t sound so surprised. I gave him a week to get over it, then started texting him until he answered.”

I chuckle. “That sounds like you. I’d love to see him today. What time?”

“He was thinking dinner here. I told him about our nightly poker nights, and now he’s convinced he needs to prove he can take us both down.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, that’s a good way to entice the guy to come over. Competition.”

“Oh, please. I’ve played with you enough times now. You are no better.”

I gasp, feigning offense. “That is not true. Never compare me to my brother. He is the worst when it comes to losing.”

We both walk into the family room together.

“Any ideas of what you want to do today?” he asks.

“Do you want to see some of the concepts I have for the Paris design?”

His eyes light up. “Baby, don’t talk dirty to me.”

“If that gets you going, just wait until you see what I’ve got in store for you downstairs.”

I grab my keys, and we make our way out of his penthouse and down to my much smaller apartment.

The moment we walk in together, it feels like an odd reminder of where we were when we started. It’s only been a month since we found out about the baby, but so much has happened since then.

When we walk into my office, I start to wonder if this is going to be my baby’s nursery eventually. I don’t have a ton of space.

I know I need to face reality and have that conversation with Roman. Tonight. I have to do it tonight. The longer I wait, the harder it will be to move back in here … all alone.