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Chapter Twenty-Six

Roman

“ A re you sure you don’t want to stop at a bar for a drink?” Penelope asks as my driver pulls away from the event.

I loosen my bow tie, trying to fight off this feeling. I’ve felt stiff and annoyed all evening.

“Nah, I’m tired,” I lie as a wave of energy rushes through me. “I’d prefer to just head home.”

She looks out the window, sparkling dress shimmering inside of the car. “I ran into Eva today.”

Just the mention of her name has my body twisted in knots. I’ve tried so hard to keep my distance for the week.

I didn’t mean for it to go this far. From day one, I’ve made it clear what this was and what it wasn’t.

But now, everything feels different.

Eva laughs, and something in my chest aches. I touch her, and it feels like … coming home. That scares the hell out of me.

I’m not ready for that. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

Walking away doesn’t feel like an option either. She’s not just a fling or someone I can shrug off and forget. She’s gotten under my skin, inserting herself into places I’ve kept locked down for years.

I keep telling myself I’m protecting her by putting this distance between us. But the truth is, I’m protecting myself. And for what? I fear if it ended today, the damage has already been done. I’m already in deep.

I remember Penelope is here.

“Oh, yeah?” I ask distantly.

“Yeah. I saw the look on her face when I told her you were taking me here tonight.”

I snap my head toward her. “You told her that?”

“Well, yeah. We ran into each other while shopping today. It just came up. She seemed upset. I didn’t realize there was something going on …”

My jaw clenches as I see red. “Penelope, that is none of your business.”

She appears taken aback. “We’ve always done these events together. It’s easier than finding a date with our hectic schedules.”

“That ends tonight,” I bark, my leg bouncing as I watch us slowly pull up to her apartment building.

“I’m sorry, Roman. I had no idea it was like that.”

“Good night, Penelope,” I answer, telling her this conversation is over.

She nods her head in understanding. “Good night, Roman.”

The moment the door closes, I snap, “My place, Aaron. As fast as you can get there.”

My heart is racing. All I can see is a look of disappointment on her face—from me staying away from her after our time in Paris to her hearing about me taking Penelope to this event. It’s all I can do not to jump out of this car and sprint the rest of the way.

The car barely comes to a complete stop before I’m out of the car and running inside.

I pound on her door as I try to catch my breath. My bow tie is dangling around my neck. I’ve unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt.

She opens the door and is standing in front of me in her matching black silk pajama set. I realize I don’t know what to say. My hand rests against the doorframe as I try to come up with something.

Without warning, she jumps into my arms. I hold her up against me as she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me. All at once, the panic that has consumed me is gone.

I walk us into her place and kick the door shut. I can’t wait until we get to her bedroom to be inside of her. I spin us around and slam her back against the door.

She reaches for my belt with as much urgency as I feel. We both fumble to get me free while our mouths move frantically against each other.

The moment I’m free, I push her shorts down and tear her panties off in one forceful pull.

I push inside of her and let her sink all the way down. Her fingers dig into my shoulders before she pushes my jacket off me. As I move inside of her, she unbuttons my shirt, then moves her hands against my chest.

“I thought about you all night,” I tell her as I work myself in and out, watching her face with each thrust.

“You did?” she questions, like I might not be telling the truth.

“All”—I thrust in— “fucking”—another thrust— “night.”

“I’ve thought about you all week,” she admits.

“I didn’t realize this was a competition.” I keep working inside of her, knowing I won’t last too long. “I’ve thought about you since the moment I met you.”

Feeling victorious, knowing she can’t top that, I grip under her thighs and start to fuck her in quick, hard drives.

“I thought about you before I even knew you,” she yells as she comes all over my dick, pushing me over the edge with her.

Our lips are a fraction of an inch away from one another as we both breathe quickly, still coming down from it all.

“You always have to have the last word, don’t you?”

She smiles, then brings her lips to mine. A soft, gentle touch that sends shivers down my spine. “That’s what you love about me.”

I do love you.

The words repeat in my head several times. It’s like there’s something inside of me, telling me to say it, but the words are caught in my throat.

I can’t say it. I’m paralyzed in fear.

I put her down slowly, wondering if she is even aware of the war waging inside of me from what was supposed to be a joke.

“I should go clean up,” I mumble. “Be right back.”

I try my best to gather myself as I clean myself off. I place my hands on the counter and look at my reflection.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I ask bitterly at the man looking back at me.

Too bad he’s a total fuckup and he can’t answer back. All I see is someone unning from the man he fears that he is— who has it in him to ruin his family twenty years from now all because he’s weak.

I shake my head and turn around, done looking at the sorry excuse for the man in the mirror.

I might not be able to offer her those words tonight, but I’m also not going to ruin everything and leave.

Maybe I’ll take it one step at a time. I don’t know what that step will be. I don’t ever spend the night with someone, but we’ve already done that. I can cook her breakfast.

Wait. Is that weird to do at her place?

Fuck, I’m so bad at this. She should get out while she has the chance.

I open the door, and she’s leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, waiting for me.

“Are you done freaking out in there?” she asks directly.

Well, I forgot who I was dealing with.

I run a hand through my hair. “Eva, I’m sorry.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like?—”

“I know. I know. It’s not what you think.”

Her eyebrows rise, her doubts evident. “Really? Because I think you freaked out, thinking I was insinuating that you loved me.”

“It’s … not exactly that. I promise. Just …” I grab her hand in mine and give it a squeeze. “Trust me, it’s not what you think.”

She sighs but doesn’t pull her hand away. “We’re going to need to talk about this sometime, Roman.”

“You’re right. We do need to. We will .”

“Just not yet?” she questions.

“Soon. I need to work on some shit. I swear, I’m trying.”

I walk us backward to her bed. I just want to crawl in it and hold her in my arms. When I pull back the covers, she doesn’t protest. The minute we are under, I grab her and pull her against my chest.

Her fingers play with my chest hair—something I’ve grown accustomed to with her. It’s comforting.

“So, about tonight … you were out with Penelope.”

“There’s nothing going on with me and Penelope.”

She doesn’t respond. I run my fingers up and down her arm.

I feel the need to continue, sensing my words were not enough for her. “She told me she had run into you earlier. She thought she had seen some disappointment on your face when she told you we were going together.”

She cranes her neck and looks up at me. “Do you guys do that often?”

“We do. We did. It was easier for both of us. We are both workaholics. Finding a date was something we didn’t have time for. But there was never anything between us. I don’t see her that way.”

“How could you not see her that way? She’s gorgeous.”

I have to think about it first. I’ve never even given it a thought. “I guess I’ve known she’s attractive. But she’s too much like me. She’s cold. Bitter. Is married to her job.”

“You know, you say these things about yourself, but I see the exact opposite.”

“You bring something else out in me.”

Her fingers continue to move along my chest. “She was right. I didn’t like it when she told me. I was … jealous.”

I pull her closer to me. I love that she’s so honest. She’s so damn brave with her feelings. I envy that.

“I told Penelope we can no longer attend any events together.”

“You did?” Her voice rises slightly.

“I didn’t like the idea of you even second-guessing what I feel for you.”

The vibration of her laughter hits me suddenly.

“What’s so funny down there?”

“You”—she pushes her finger against my chest— “are one confusing man.”

I think about how I just freaked out about a joke of hers moments ago. Now I’m telling her I have feelings for her and won’t be attending any events with any women.

“I don’t know why you aren’t running for the hills,” I tell her honestly. “I’m one complicated guy. I’m not worth it.”

She lifts herself up and leans on her elbow, brushing her fingers through my hair. “I’ll decide who’s worth it or not.”

I place a soft kiss on her lips. She lays her head on my chest, and for the first time since we were together in Paris, I fall asleep quickly and sleep through the night.