Page 13

Chapter

Thirteen

N iall would not, could not, marry Lady Avelina MacKinlay.

“You are awake still?”

Kieran had been discovered, lost, after the Battle of The Black Friars.

Despite Niall’s parents’ best efforts, none knew from where he came.

He had not yet seen ten summers, but no clan or family had claimed him, and after a season had passed, it had been decreed he was now a part of their family.

More than that, a son. A brother to Niall, his only sibling after his mother had nearly died giving birth to him, making it impossible for her to do so again.

Niall rarely thought of Kieran as anything other than a full brother.

But now, knowing what he was about to say.

. . a rare seed of doubt as to Kieran’s possible response to his intentions crept into his mind.

“Aye,” Niall said. ’Twas unlikely he would sleep much this eve.

Though he was glad to have a private chamber, ’twas small. Much smaller than Lina’s. His brother was in a second bed next to his, and Niall had been listening to his steady breathing, assuming Kieran had been sleeping. Perhaps he had.

“Did you just wake?” Kieran asked.

“Aye. You know ’tis difficult for me to remain asleep for long.”

“You went to see her.”

’Twas not a question, so Niall did not answer. Until his brother pressed him.

“I know not your intentions, Niall, but as I said before, ’tis a dangerous game you play.”

Niall knew it well. “My intentions,” he repeated, not having any more to offer.

“You cannae defile such a woman. Nor,” he added quickly, before Niall could respond, “would I expect it of you.”

The lone candle flickering between them did little to illuminate his brother’s face, but as Niall turned onto his side and looked toward the man who knew him best in this world, he considered saying the words that swirled through his mind.

“Nay,” he said, “I would not.”

Kieran turned his head toward Niall. Though he could not see his eyes, Niall could imagine them. Where his might be judgmental, cold even, Kieran’s would be warm. Kind. Curious.

“I am drawn to her,” he said finally. “Drawn to her in a way I’ve not been drawn to any woman.”

His brother sighed heavily, clearly not pleased to hear it.

Niall continued, “She is an enemy, aye. Or should be.”

“But is not. At least to you?”

“Nay,” he admitted. “She is not my enemy.”

“But she is to our clan.”

On that, his brother was accurate.

“I kissed her,” he said. “And would have done more if I stayed in her chamber.”

“The reason you should not have been in her chamber at all.”

He’d not deny it. “She could not be more innocent. Yet her kiss awoke something in me.”

The words sounded strange to his own ears, so Niall imagined they sounded the same to his brother. Indeed, Kieran did not respond for a time.

“I remember that night clearly.”

A chill ran through him. Niall knew which night his brother referred to even if they rarely discussed it.

“But more than Father’s shouts and your apologies, I remember most your expression. The idea that you’d been responsible for the healer’s injury. . . you are a good man, Niall. ’Twas an accident—”

“Nay.” He rejected the thought. “’Twas no accident that we jested with her.”

“None believed the woman’s story, nor do they now. That she is visited by the devil? That she plays cards with him?” Kieran made a sound.

“Neither did that mean we should have pretended to be that very devil. If she’d not chased us that night and fell. . .”

“She would not have twisted her ankle. Would not walk with a limp and now a cane. Aye, I know it well. And do not fully pardon what you did, but also wish to remind you that you are a good man despite a bad decision in your youth.”

“A bad decision the healer pays the price for even now as an old woman.”

“Do you not think ’tis time to forgive yourself?

I reminisce on it only to tell you the man who refuses to allow himself to be spontaneous, who plots and plans and buries his emotions so deeply.

. . that was not the man I always knew. And so if you kissed her, then I say, so be it.

At least the younger version of my brother is not long dead. ”

“A good reminder of the consequences of being rash.”

Kieran sighed heavily. “’Twas not the point I tried to make, Brother.”

“But one you made well enough anyway. I shall not kiss her again.”

“A decision I agree with.”

“You confuse me, Brother. Advising caution and then carelessness and then caution again.”

“I advise nothing but only share my thoughts. That you play a dangerous game with Lady Avelina, but that ’tis good to see you. . . alive as well.”

“That does little to aid my decision.”

“What decision is that?”

He could not say the words. Instead, Niall amended, “How to proceed. I do not wish to let her be, but neither do I wish to start the very war we are here to prevent.”

“I cannae tell you how to proceed, only that I know no other man who I respect more than you, Brother. Whatever you decide, ’tis the right decision for you. Just understand, ’tis more than a woman with whom you trifle. The reason I remind you speaking with her, kissing her, ’tis dangerous indeed.”

As if Niall needed the reminder.

Though grateful for Kieran’s compliment, as he felt the same of his brother, he was no less confused now than before. Perhaps more so.

Trusting himself had led to a poor woman’s injury, a harmless jest proving to be anything but harmless at all. But this was very different. He was no longer a young man but the second to the chief of his clan. A warrior. A man who made decisions only after long consideration.

Which was precisely what he needed to do now. Think about it. Consider more. Lina would continue to travel with them, which meant he had time. And in that time, perhaps an answer would come to him. Because as of this eve, the situation seemed an impossible one.

Leave the woman be. Do not talk to her. Touch her. Kiss her.

Certainly, do not make love to her.

A prospect that left him surprisingly empty.

The other alternative did not leave him empty but terrified. ’Twas madness. Recklessness. A thought he should not be having.

Marriage. To a MacKinlay. Nay, never.

’Twas his last thought as Niall closed his eyes and let sleep take him.