Page 11 of Hide From Me (Chaotic Love #3)

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” I huff and push past him to the unnecessarily large blacked-out truck he drives as I tug the pack from my pocket to light a cigarette up. I mean, seriously—who needs something like this? Has he even seen how ridiculous Jasmine looks trying to drive this thing?

My phone vibrates while sliding into the passenger seat, but I refuse to check it. The last thing my ego needs is another blow from her. All it would take is her pointing out the face I let crumble, and I’d be done for.

“What triggered it this time?” Sam grumbles, sounding irritated about the topics as he slips into the driver seat, even though I know he’s not.

He has his own demons to battle, but he handles them better.

His focus flicks between the stick firmly tucked between my lips and the passenger window.

Getting the silent hint, I grumble a few curses and roll it down.

“I don’t know,” I lie. It’s funny how much I hate when others lie, yet I can’t seem to stop myself.

There’s a grunt from Sam, and then the space between us falls into silence. I wish I could say I enjoy it, but honestly, I wish there was something to fill the air instead of my dry breathing.

It allows those tumbling thoughts to come back.

Another vibration, and I groan in frustration, tucking my head into my hands.

The heat from the ember burns close to my scalp but i dont have the energy to push the butt further between my fingers.

Maybe my hair will catch fire and distract me from everything wrong in the world.

“Greenport.”

“What?” I look up, and Sam shrugs, almost as if his random word wasn’t the final nail in my coffin. Is he losing his mind, too?

“That’s where your mission is, in case Cas hasn’t told you.” He glances at me out of the corner of his eye “And throw that goddamn thing out if you’re not going to smoke it.”

“Sorry,” I mutter my apology and toss the stick through the thin crack after taking a healthy drag that makes me cough.

He huffs a laugh. “Honestly, I’m surprised. Typically, by now, you’d be swallowing down all the information you can get to prepare for something like this.”

I rub the back of my neck and look out the window at the green grass swaying in the wind. This is unusual for me, but I’ve been distracted. I’ve clung so hard to missions, thinking it would provide answers, but I haven’t needed them since I’ve found something else I want to figure out.

“Yeah, I just haven’t been in the right headspace.”

Would you look at that? I actually told the truth for once. Yay me .

He nods. “It happens. Cas is hiding from wedding planning again. Maybe we’ll sneak a drink tonight.”

We pull into the base lot. The gates swing open like always, but this time they feel heavier, like I’m walking into a cage.

“Poor bastard acts like he didn’t beg for this,” I mutter.

Sam snorts. “Can you blame him?”

We climb out, the wind cutting through the silence as we walk toward the training grounds.

“Sharkie’s in a mood. Jasmine says it’s stress.”

“Could be,” I mutter. “She’s got her hands full. ”

My head's not even in this. I should care about Caspian's wedding, and I should be talking about tuxedos and first dances. Instead, all I can think about is how fast I can finish training to see Raylen.

“What’s the mission, really?” I ask as we hit the corridor.

Sam shrugs. “Could be anything. You’ll find out soon.”

“Great. Best briefing ever.”

We pass Jeremy and Braxton. Tension crackles. Jeremy keeps his head down. Braxton doesn’t even try to hide his glare.

I nod, diffusing it. “Boys.”

Sam nearly beat the shit out of Jeremy for touching Jasmine, so he decides his usual silence around him, and Braxton can’t help but run his mouth.

I've lost my cool with him before when he said, ‘No one wants a mutt.’ I got too close to his girlfriend, and it led to me throwing him through the wall in the mess hall. My heart races as I focus on the conversation, nudging Sam’s elbow.

He’s just as lost as I am, glaring at the large bulletproof door leading to the open space.

It smells like sweat, gunpowder, and sea salt.

It reminds me of my childhood, transporting me to days when there were no worries or fears in the world.

I take a deep breath, allowing the scent to take me back to carefree games at the firing range with my brother and wrestling matches with my father.

My mother always loved stepping out late at night with her "magic tea.

" In reality, it was just a calming herbal blend she knew would relax us enough that we’d want to come in and go to bed.

Back then, I felt like I truly belonged.

“You never know what you’re walking into,” Sam says, pulling me back to the present.

“What he means is, Greenport takes others' scraps,” Caspian interrupts, and I grin as I turn to see him stepping up to the large black sparring mat. Maybe this is what I need—a chance to reminisce and enjoy things as they used to be.

“They take the most dangerous and idiotic missions.” Sam interrupts, pushing his sleeves up above his elbows, but he doesn’t get too close to the mat.

Sam doesn't spar with anyone but Caspian and Jasmine.

He may be like another brother to me, but I'm grateful he's secluded to those two.

Sam was my father's soldier before he was my brother's, with some jail time in between.

He really is a good man, but just like me and Caspian, there's a monster in him.

“Fuckin’ suicide missions if you ask me,” Caspian grumbles, unbuttoning his shirt to toss it to the side.

“Wow, I feel so loved right now.” I say sarcastically with a roll of my eyes, but a sweet, feminine voice drowns out my words.

“Everyone is dismissed!” a voice yells, pulling our attention to Jasmine, who is sauntering up to Sam as she dismisses her recruits from the field.

“Go on, little devil.” Sam dismisses her as well with a firm smack to her arse she’s yelping and laughing like a school girl. She’s pretty with her blonde hair and fit form, but she’s not my little ray of sunshine, so I look away to give them a moment.

“You know I wouldn’t send you somewhere you’d get hurt.” Caspian nudges my shoulder with a smile as he jumps onto the mat. If only he knew what I've had to do in the places he sent me. “The captain over there already knows who you are and has agreed that you’re a top-priority member.”

Caspian’s expression suddenly changes, and he mutters a curse under his breath while scrubbing a hand over his face. What the fuck has gotten into him? My brows furrow, unsure of his new fidgety, scrambled demeanor.

Typically, I’d take my shirt off to spar with him, but considering he knows little about the scars or new tattoo sprawling across my shoulders, I think I’ll wait.

“Look, this place isn’t like what you’re used to. It’s Greenport. The soldiers are tough and accustomed to their lives. The missions are fast-paced and dangerous. I know you can handle whatever they throw at you, but let’s just try to prepare for all scenarios.”

Caspian kicks my feet apart as I square my shoulders, and with a hearty laugh, he teases, “I hope you’ve been studying.”

Fuck yes. Dad's version of sparring. This is how we bond, and it’s my favorite way to connect with him.

“Do all the pussy missions you send me on count?”

Caspian glares. “Watch your mouth.”

I grin. “You’re just mad because I’m better looking.”

“Hostage situations?” he asks suddenly with a grin.

Goddamn it. My smirk fades as he throws a punch, quick and aimed low.

“Didn’t get the question wrong,” I grunt. “Just didn’t have the answer.”

“You’d better figure it out. You’ve got a few more missions before this one.”

“Reassuring.”

He grins, then lunges.

We fall into a familiar rhythm—dodging, blocking, trading blows with the kind of bone-deep instinct that only comes from blood and years of practice. It feels good–grounding–every strike resets something in me. Every hit he lands wipes another thought from my mind.

“Looks like it’s going to be a long day,” Sam complains.

It will be, and honestly, I’m looking forward to it. I can’t wait to learn every little detail and memorize every new move they teach me.

It’s the only thing that makes me feel like I belong here instead of in a mental institution.