Page 38

T abitha took a deep breath and prayed for more patience, but it seemed God had other things to do and couldn’t help her.

“I can see very clearly that my maid and Mr. Jacobs are enamored with each other, which I think is just wonderful. But what I don’t understand is why you thought it necessary to intrude in my life and decide what man I can or cannot get to know better.

Is it so terrible to believe that I might want to get to know a man and perhaps have him court me? ”

A serious expression came over Nic and his smile disappeared.

Confusion and hurt coated his eyes, making the color darker.

“Obviously, I don’t understand what you are thinking, my lovely.

Why would you want a blacksmith when you can have me?

” He moved closer. “Tabitha, why can’t you see that you already have me?

You need not look for another man at all.

The last we had spoken on this subject, you were very much aware of my feelings for you.

In fact, you had given me the impression that you returned them…

quite eagerly, if I remember correctly.”

Her heart sank, and her chest tightened. It had become hard to breathe. This time it had nothing to do with Nic’s nearness. It was the catch in his voice that let her know she’d just hurt him.

Now was not the time to explain in full detail why she couldn’t love him—why it was impossible for him to love her. But she must say something.

“Tabitha?” he asked again when she hadn’t spoken for a few minutes. “Please tell me.”

She heaved a heavy and difficult sigh. “Oh, Nic. It’s true that I led you to believe I had wanted to be with you, but since then I have done a lot of thinking.

” She took a quick glance over her shoulder to see if the others were coming.

Thankfully, they still stood in the same spot, chatting away.

She walked closer to the ball she’d just thrown.

“I have come to realize that there is no way we can ever be together.”

Nic kept in step beside her. “I’m not going to play the clergyman role forever, you know. You and I can—and will—be together soon.”

“No, Nic.” She faced him and stared deep into his eyes. “A marquess and a servant woman can never be together. Not the right way.”

“But, for some reason which you haven’t quite explained, you’re not a servant any longer.”

“That doesn’t matter. Because I’ve been a servant all my life, my status is different than yours.

We come from two different worlds—worlds that will never allow a servant to love a marquess.

The decision is out of our hands. As much as it pains me to say this, I know I must look for another man.

I must find one more to my class, just as you should find a woman closer to yours. ”

The voices from the others grew louder, and Tabitha blinked back the tears that were going to make their debut very soon.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Mr. Jacobs walking toward her—without Sally.

Taking a deep breath to refresh her emotions, she turned just in time as he stopped beside her.

“I see you are doing very well in this game.”

She forced herself to smile. “But of course. I have played this sport many times, and just like my aunt, this is one of my favorites.”

She peeked over her shoulder at Nic. He wasn’t smiling as he’d been doing since arriving for the luncheon.

Pain was evident on his face, especially in his deep frown.

It hurt to know she was the cause. But really, there wasn’t anything she could do to change it.

She was who she was, and he would always be a marquess.

Neither of them could change their stations in life.

Sally came closer and Tabitha turned her attention toward her friend. The maid’s smile was much brighter than Tabitha had seen before. Another pain sliced through her heart. How could she have been so jealous of her friend when Sally deserved happiness just as much as the next woman?

Tabitha would happily surrender Mr. Jacobs over to Sally.

As much as she liked the man and thought him a pleasant fellow, he couldn’t take her mind off Nic, and after all, that was one of the reasons she searched for a man.

Now she was beginning to believe there was no such man out there. Nic would be a hard person to forget.

As the others continued to play, helplessness grew heavy within Tabitha.

Was she destined to be the only one who would never find happiness?

Although it was within grasp, she couldn’t snatch it.

The ton dictated what class of person was allowed to marry a servant, and Nic was definitely not in that category.

Tabitha hurried the others in the game, mainly because she couldn’t wait for this luncheon to end. She needed to be by herself. Seeing how much Nic appeared wounded by her confession, it nearly destroyed her. She couldn’t take it anymore.

Finally, the luncheon came to an end. Nic was actually the first one to leave. He talked to Aunt Clara and Mrs. Stiles, but not once did he look Tabitha’s way. That injured her heart more than she was prepared for. Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked quickly, refusing to shed them.

Soon afterward, Mr. Jacobs made his excuse to leave, and within minutes, he was gone. Sally appeared much too happy, and even though Tabitha should be elated over her friend’s joy, that emotion just was not there.

“Sally, I would stay to help you clean up the dishes, but I fear I have a terrible headache, and I need to lie down.”

Sally shook her head. “You don’t need to help me. I can do this myself.”

Mrs. Stiles and Aunt Clara didn’t say anything to Tabitha as she made her way back inside the house. Of course, they didn’t hide the sadness in their eyes as they watched her depart, but thankfully, they didn’t comment about it, either.

When she reached her room and closed the door, the tears she’d been holding back rushed forth. None of this was fair. As much as she wanted to change things, she couldn’t. Frustration built inside of her, making her want to lash out at something—or someone.

She paced the small space in her room, but that only aggravated her more. Outside was where she needed to be—outside breathing in the fresh ocean air that had brought comfort to her since her arrival here.

She grabbed her shawl and flung open her bedroom door. She flew down the stairs in a whirlwind of confusion and rage, and left the house as if the devil himself were on her heels.

Before reaching the gate, someone called her name from over by the shade tree. Her heart sped faster, recognizing the sound of his voice before she was able to see his face. Nic leaned against the tree with his arms folded over his chest. Sadness encased his face, tearing at her heart even more.

She clutched her hands against her middle and walked to him. The tall hedges around the fence would help block anyone passing by on the street from seeing and becoming curious. When she reached him, she stopped.

“I have just one thing to ask,” he said softly.

She nodded, but didn’t dare speak for fear her voice would crack with emotion.

“Do you love me?”

She sucked in a quick breath of air. Love? Why would he ask such a question? “My lord, I don’t understand why you need to know that. After all, you have not confessed to me anything of the sort. True, I know you care about me, as I care about you, but…love?”

His expression didn’t change; he only blinked a couple of times. “Tabitha, you didn’t answer the question. Do you love me?”

“I—I—um, I don’t know.” Confusion strummed through her, making her want to cry.

Although she might love him, she didn’t want to.

Loving him would only break her heart. “Oh, Nic, I just don’t know what I feel anymore.

I know you think I don’t know my own mind, and maybe I don’t.

” She rubbed her forehead. “Perhaps all I need is to just get away from you for a few days to think—” She shook her head, knowing that wasn’t the answer.

“But really, I don’t hear you confessing words of love toward me.

” She took a deep breath and quickly continued, “And do you know why you don’t?

It’s because deep down inside, you know loving me is impossible.

We are from two different worlds and we can never be together. ”

His jaw hardened and he nodded once. “That’s all I need to know.” He moved away from her, his feet tearing up the grass as if he couldn’t wait to put distance between the two of them. Soon he was out of the yard and storming down the street toward his cousin’s house.

Agony wrenched her heart, and tears came once again.

Sobs escaped her throat as her legs took her in the opposite direction toward the ocean.

A small wind blew, but the coolness against her skin refreshed her slightly.

Tears streamed down her face in buckets by the time she reached the beach, but she didn’t care if anyone saw.

Thankfully, the only people out for a stroll this afternoon were farther up the beach and wouldn’t disturb her.

She found a sawed off tree trunk by the grassy cliff and sat, gazing out across the ocean.

Closing her eyes, she took deep breaths and literally felt herself becoming calmer.

The sound of the rushing water and the waves of the ocean did that to her.

This morning’s accident had scared her and her life did flash before her eyes, but she was glad it didn’t take away her love for the soothing waters.

Thinking back about her days here, she realized she really loved this place, but if Nic remained close by, it would be impossible to stay here. She prayed he’d help his cousin find their thief so that the marquess could return to his own home in Mayfair.

“Oh, Nic,” she muttered. “Why are you doing this to me?”