Page 33 of Her Noble Groom
Chapter twenty-seven
O ver the next week, Thomasse struggled with her fraught feelings: sorrow that James was probably gone from her life forever, and the need to convince herself it was for the best.
In time, James would realize she was not the same woman he had fallen in love with.
Soon her lying-in would be over, and after her churching, he would want to claim his husbandly rights.
He deserved better than a woman who would shrink at his touch—not because of any fault of his own, but because of the memories it stirred.
A loud knock on the door broke the silence, followed by “Thomasse, it is Madame de Beauvoir.”
Thomasse unbarred and opened the door. Madame bustled into the cottage, her crisp white wimple contrasted with her sensible dark gray cotehardie. She placed her satchel atop the carved chest and leaned over the cradle to examine Joanna.
“Her cheeks are rosy, and she grows stronger every day,” Madame said. “What of you, Thomasse? Any concerns?”
“My body has healed nicely,” she replied, smoothing her loose-flowing kirtle. “We are both doing well.”
Madame’s gaze rested on her for a few moments. “Thanks to James. Without his attentiveness, neither of you would have survived.”
Thomasse nodded. “Yes, I am grateful for that.”
“I hoped you would use that time to finally begin building your lives together. Why did you send him away?” Madame asked.
“Does it matter?”
“Assuredly. It pains me deeply to see two people meant to be together torn asunder. ”
“Did James send you?”
“No, I came to check on your progress, though I am willing to render advice on matters of the heart.”
“It is better this way. I am not the woman he fell in love with.”
“And why does that matter? Over the course of a lifetime, we all grow and change.”
“He deserves a woman who can be a proper wife.” Thomasse chewed her lip. “He will find someone new soon enough.”
“I suspect at one time you wished otherwise.”
“That was before,” Thomasse replied. “I am no longer ignorant. It lends a certain appeal to entering a convent.”
“It is different, a beautiful thing, when two people love and trust one another.”
“It is more than that. He and I come from two different worlds. I do not expect you to understand.”
“First, I would say you are grasping for excuses. Second, I would say you are mistaken.” Madame pulled out a chair from the table and lowered herself onto it. “Might I trouble you for something warm to drink?”
Too tired to argue, Thomasse retrieved two cups, ladled out the last of the warm broth from the kettle, and set them on the table.
Madame took a sip and set the cup aside. “I too am a daughter of the gentry.”
Thomasse’s eyes widened. “Indeed, I did not know.”
“My family owns a manor a few miles south in St. Peter’s Parish. They arranged a marriage, but I defied their wishes and married Geoffroi.”
Recalling her father’s vehement objection to her marrying James, Thomasse asked, “Did they cast you out?”
“They were furious at first. But when they witnessed our happiness, they softened. When William was born, they accepted my choice without reserve.”
“Ah! That explains the bigger cottage.” Thomasse wrapped her hands around the warm cup. “Did you ever regret your decision?”
“Not one day. The first years were hard, but our love carried us through.”
“So it was worth giving up your privileged life? ”
“In my humble opinion, yes. I had no desire to marry a man indifferent to me, to be treated as little more than chattel. Maybe some ladies care not, but I could not abide it. A noble title does not make a man honorable. Character does. It is not station that divides people, but rather pride and fear. In Geoffroi, I found a man I could love and respect, who made me complete. As the Bible says, the two shall become one. I only have this one life. I chose to live it on my terms.”
“I am pleased things ended so well for you.”
Madame placed her hand on Thomasse’s arm. “And it can for you also, if you will just let it. I have seen the easiness between you and James, the great affection you have for each other.”
“We are friends, nothing more.”
“I refuse to accept that.” Madame shook her head. “Tell me the real reason.”
Thomasse looked away, not able to meet Madame’s eyes.
“The man who—” She hesitated, unwilling to say what had happened, grateful that she did not need to explain anything to Madame.
“He does not want James near Joanna. He threatened to take her. If he finds us together, I fear he will kill James and take Joanna.”
“Pray, do not take this amiss, but ofttimes, in our fear, our reason falters; it leads us astray, and we do things that lack sense. How are you and Joanna safer without James’s protection? He has been right there beside you when you faced that man, ready to defend you, to fight for you.”
Thomasse sipped on the broth as she contemplated Madame’s words. “You speak truth. When it comes to the pirate and his misdeeds, my mind is troubled. James must surely think me a fool.”
“My dear girl, you are not the first woman he has known who has suffered your fate. He understands that healing is no smooth road. When a man truly loves, as James does, he will be patient. That evil man has taken enough from you—do not let him take James as well.”
Madame retrieved her satchel and headed to the door. “I ask you to reconsider. We all need someone who loves us, who can help soothe the torments of the soul. Go to him.”
When Madame was gone, Thomasse knelt beside the chest James had made for her. She traced the delicate arches and flowers as she pondered the healer’s words. Could she really find happiness being a wife? Madame had assured her she could.
She ran her finger along the outline of the heart-shaped lock. It was a thing of beauty. How many hours he must have spent crafting it, thinking of the joy it would bring to her. A token of his love. And she had not even thanked him.
Her vision blurred as she thought about the early days of their love.
He had been so kind and generous, delighting her with little gifts of fruit and flowers.
Before that horrible day, she had never treated him unkindly.
But afterward, her words and actions had become unpredictable, often defying reason, even contrary to her own desires.
Joanna wailed, and Thomasse scooped up the babe and cuddled her close.
She longed to feel James’s arms around her, his soft voice telling her all would be well.
With him, she always felt safe, just like that day on the cliff.
His gentle care had given her a reason to live.
But in her brokenness, she had driven away the best thing in her life.
A tear slipped down her cheek. She wanted to run to him, to plead for his forgiveness, to beg him to come home. But this time, she may have pushed him too far.