Page 31 of Her Charming Duke (Regency Roses #3)

CHAPTER 31

T he soft peals of laughter filled the parlor as Judith, Rosy, and Joanna gathered for tea in Rosy’s elegantly decorated sitting room. The sun streamed through the large windows, casting a warm glow over the floral wallpaper and antique furniture.

Rosy’s home was the epitome of grace and comfort, a sanctuary where the three friends often gathered to share their lives’ joys and challenges.

Rosy and George had just returned from their trip to Spain, which had been cut short due to an impending flood. Despite the abrupt end to their travels, Rosy was in high spirits, delighted to be back among friends. Joanna, ever the lively one, recounted the latest Society gossip with her usual flair, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

However, once they had caught up on the latest events in town, Rosy turned to Judith, and the latter’s shoulders tensed up.

Judith had told Rosy all about her feelings for Aaron, and thus far they hadn’t had a chance to talk about it. Of course, Rosy had to have heard the latest news about Judith courting Graham.

“So, Judith,” Rosy began, turning her attention to her friend. “You must tell me how you came to court Lord Leeds. The last time you wrote to me, you said that you were fond of the Duke of Nottingham.”

“Aaron? I did not know you cared for him!” Joanna exclaimed. “I thought that the two of you looked at one another in a certain way, but I didn’t think that you and he would… I am perplexed.”

Judith wetted her lips and looked out the window. “I was silly, I should not have written that. It was a moment of weakness because I thought I’d be alone forever and he was there for me. I thought if I could be with him, my problems would be resolved, but no. I was silly, and now I am courting someone who truly cares for me and I for them.”

But then a thought came to her—the second letter! She’d written to Rosy after the kiss in the library and given her a full report. She’d been interrupted by Matilda, but she’d finished writing it and sent it. Rosy never mentioned receiving it and therefore apparently did not know what had happened after.

Should she ask her about it? No, if Rosy hadn’t received the letter while in Spain, there was little chance she would now. It was best to let it go, and if she ever did receive it by chance, Judith could dismiss it. By then, she’d be married already.

“You mean Lord Leeds? I’ve heard about this,” Rosy said. “Is it really serious? Do you think he’ll ask you to marry him?”

Judith hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath. “Well, actually, Lord Leeds has spoken to Oliver,” she explained, trying to keep her voice steady. “He wants to marry me, indeed.”

Rosy and Joanna gasped with delight, their faces lighting up with joy.

“That’s wonderful news!” Joanna gushed, clapping her hands together. “I remember when Kenneth spoke to Father about our marriage. It was such a thrilling time.”

“And George,” Rosy added, a fond smile on her lips. “He was so nervous when he asked for Father’s permission. It seems like only yesterday.”

“Was Lord Leeds’ proposal romantic?” Joanna asked, leaning forward with interest. “You must tell us all about it!”

Judith forced a smile, though she felt a heavy weight in her chest. “It was,” she replied. “He proposed after a concert in the carriage, and I said yes.”

She smiled, but it never reached her eyes. It had been sweet and would have been romantic if she loved Graham in any way, but she didn’t. And thus, it meant little. Already, the memory was becoming blurry.

Rosy and Joanna exchanged delighted glances.

“How wonderful!” Rosy beamed. “But, Judith, you don’t seem very excited. Is something the matter?”

Judith shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant. “It’s a good match, and I am pleased with it,” she said. “Lord Leeds is a fine man, and I know we will have a good life together.”

Her friends looked at her with confusion, sensing there was more beneath the surface.

“But are you happy?” Joanna asked hesitantly. “You don’t seem as overjoyed as we expected.”

Judith avoided their gazes, focusing on her teacup. “I am content,” she stated. “And that is enough.”

“Is content truly enough?” Joanna asked gently.

“I think it will need to be,” Judith replied. “I already said yes, after all. And besides, I am four-and-twenty and already not well regarded in Society due to my age and past broken engagement. I must be realistic, and Lord Leeds is the best match I can hope for. I assure you, I will be fine.”

The sisters looked at one another, and she felt that they didn’t believe her.

“The two of you were lucky to find love. Not everyone is. And I’ve come to understand that if I want to have security in the future, I need to have a husband who can provide it.”

The mood was dampened a little after this declaration, and Judith knew that she would be at odds with her friends, who had both married men they loved. Although not without tribulations of their own.

They finished their tea and moved on to less vexing subjects, though Judith felt the heaviness in the air still. Perhaps it was merely due to her own mood. She ought to be happy she was getting married, but she didn’t feel it. There was no excitement, no desire to plan the venue, the music, the wedding breakfast. Nothing.

It was Rosy who suddenly interrupted the silence that had settled over them when she snapped her fingers.

Her eyes lit up with amusement. “I received a letter from you this morning,” she said, picking an envelope from the table beside the chaise.

“What?” Judith sputtered, her lips parting as she recognized her own handwriting on the letter. The cursed letter that mentioned the kiss between her and Aaron, and his betrayal.

“It was forwarded to me from Spain, and I thought it would be fun to read it together now that we are all reunited.”

Judith’s heart sank, her stomach twisting into knots. “No, Rosy… really, there’s no need. I already told you everything that is in the letter.” she stammered, reaching out to take the letter from her.

But Rosy, ever the playful one, held it out of reach with a mischievous smile. “Nonsense! It’s been a while since I received a letter from you, Judith. I’m sure it will be full of interesting news you haven’t shared yet.”

Judith’s face flushed with panic as Rosy began to unfold the letter. Desperate, she reached for it again, but Rosy held firm.

“Rosy, please,” Judith pleaded, her voice trembling. “It’s private.”

Rosy looked at her friend, her playful expression softening. “Private? What do you mean?” She glanced at Joanna, who sat upright.

“Oh, does it contain something about me?” Joanna asked, sounding genuinely dismayed.

“No,” Judith said. “I’d never write anything disparaging about you to Rosy or anyone else.”

“Then what’s the matter?” Joanna asked, concerned. “If it’s truly private, I can leave. But why didn’t you say so earlier?”

“It’s not that… It’s…” Judith bit her lip, feeling a lump rise in her throat. “I… I didn’t want to burden you with my worries,” she admitted, tears welling up in her eyes.

Joanna leaned closer, her face full of sympathy. “Judith, we’re your friends. You can tell us anything.”

Judith took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “The letter… it’s about Aaron,” she confessed. “I wrote it when I was feeling lost and confused.”

Rosy nodded, understanding flickering in her eyes. “I see, I had a feeling there was more to it than you let on,” she said gently. “Why don’t you tell us what it says? You don’t have to read it if you’re uncomfortable.”

Judith hesitated, then nodded, knowing she owed them some explanation. “The night Aaron took me to the Lord Chancellor’s home to introduce me to Lord Leeds, he kissed me.”

Both her friends gasped, and Rosy clapped a hand over her mouth. “Kissed you? Goodness, but then why are you with Lord Leeds?” she asked.

“Because he apologized immediately, and I felt so confused because I realized then that I really loved him. I didn’t realize it fully until after he kissed me, and then… everything fell apart. I went to find him and overheard hin in the garden, telling Lord Leeds that I was nothing but a burden to him.”

“A burden? But why kiss you if you were only a burden?” Joanna frowned.

“What a scoundrel,” Rosy hissed.

“I don’t know, but I understood right then that I was a fool and that he just kissed me because he is a rake and he saw his chance and… He didn’t care for me at all. So I stopped speaking to him. I avoided him and kept my distance. Instead, I courted Lord Leeds,” Judith explained miserably.

“I knew there was a change in you lately—even Kenneth noticed it,” Joanna admitted. “But I didn’t want to pressure you into telling me what had happened. Oh, Judith,” she sighed, reaching for her friend’s hand. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Judith shook her head, feeling the weight of her emotions pressing down on her. “I thought it was hopeless,” she mumbled. “He told Lord Leeds he could never be with a woman like me. I felt so betrayed and hurt.”

Rosy’s eyes softened with understanding. “I’m so sorry, Judith,” she said. “But you should have told Joanna, even if I was away. I wish I had been back sooner. We could have helped you through it.”

Judith nodded, wiping away a tear. “I know. But now, with Lord Leeds’ proposal… I just want to move on. I need to move on.”

Joanna squeezed her hand reassuringly. “We’ll support you no matter what, Judith. But you deserve to be truly happy. Don’t settle for less.”

Judith smiled weakly, grateful for her friends’ support. “Thank you,” she said. “I just need to find a way to make peace with it all.”

“Judith,” Rosy began softly, setting her teacup down and looking at her friend with concern. “How do you really feel about him now? The Duke, that is.”

Judith hesitated, her fingers nervously tracing the rim of her teacup. The question struck deep, and she felt a wave of emotions surge up, threatening to overwhelm her. She tried to speak, but her throat tightened, and tears welled up in her eyes.

Before she could stop herself, she buried her face in her hands and burst into tears.

“I don’t know,” she sobbed. “I’m so angry, Rosy. One moment I think I hate him, and then the next I long for him and think I love him. It’s tearing me apart. I feel so rotten for being torn over it, when I have a good man who wants to share his life with me.”

Rosy and Joanna immediately moved closer, their faces filled with sympathy. Joanna wrapped an arm around Judith’s shoulders, offering silent support, while Rosy handed her a handkerchief.

“You’re not a bad person for feeling this way,” Rosy said gently. “It’s natural to have conflicting emotions, especially given everything that’s happened.”

Judith sniffled, wiping her tears with the handkerchief. “But Lord Leeds … I feel like I’m betraying him by having these feelings.”

Joanna squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “Judith, you deserve to be happy too. You shouldn’t marry someone just because it’s expected or because you feel obligated.”

Judith looked at her friends, their kindness and understanding touching her deeply. “But what should I do?” she asked, her voice trembling. “I don’t want to hurt Lord Leeds, but I also don’t want to live a life full of regrets.”

Rosy took Judith’s hands in hers, looking at her earnestly. “You need to follow your heart, Judith. Do what feels right for you, not what everyone else expects. If you have doubts, it’s important to address them now, before you make any decisions.”

“And if you would rather be alone, then that is your right,” Joanna added. “People may judge you, but you must decide what is best for you. Not them.”

Judith nodded, taking a deep breath as she tried to calm herself. The truth in Rosy’s words resonated with her, and she knew she had to find the courage to face her true feelings.

“Thank you,” she murmured, her voice steadier. “I needed to hear that. I’ve been so caught up in what everyone else wants that I forgot to think about what I truly want.”

Joanna smiled warmly. “We’re here for you, no matter what you decide. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Judith felt relief wash over her. She had been carrying the weight of her emotions in silence for so long, and finally sharing her struggles with her friends made her feel lighter. She knew the path ahead wouldn’t be easy, but with Rosy and Joanna by her side, she felt more capable of navigating it.

As the conversation shifted back to lighter topics, Judith found herself smiling and laughing more genuinely. She still had a lot to sort out, but she felt more hopeful than she had in weeks. Her friends’ support had given her the strength to face her feelings head-on, and she knew she would find a way to make the right decision for her future.

For now, she decided to take things one day at a time, focusing on her happiness and well-being. With Rosy and Joanna’s encouragement, she felt ready to confront her emotions and find her path to true happiness.