Page 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

ANNA

M y baby scan had thrown up a lot of questions, the main one being, why couldn’t I get the expression of possessiveness on Hendrix’s face out of my head.

The second I heard his growl, my eyes snapped to meet his, and a bad feeling settled inside the pit of my stomach.

Jamie always thought he hid himself from me back when he was mine, but I always saw through the mask, and I knew him well enough to be aware of every nuance of every look that flicked across his face, probably because I’d always studied him so closely.

What I deduced was that he was up to something.

I also deduced I wouldn’t like whatever it was he was up to because as much as that man had a way about him that made my heart go pitter-patter, he’d also proven he could be an asshole. I saw it back then, and to my detriment, I’d ignored the red flags.

I wasn’t about to repeat my mistake.

“A penny for them?” Tristan murmured.

“He’s planning something,” I declared.

Tristan sat back in his chair, which he’d pulled up to the small table in the packed bar, and studied me intently. “You feel it, too?”

“Ever since the scan.”

“Yeah, what was that about?” Tristan demanded. “His face turned a fetching shade of Casper the friendly ghost.”

“Seeing the baby on the screen made it real for him. He’s probably freaking out. We both know Hendrix and commitment mix like shit with sugar on top.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fucking men.”

I lifted a knowing eyebrow. “Preach, sister.”

His expression softened, and I felt the love in it, hitting me deep inside. “Perhaps I should book our flights, Anna Banana. It’s time to go home.”

Tears hit the back of my throat.

Home.

I hadn’t been back to Hambleton since I got married. Antoni and I left for our honeymoon in Hawaii the day after we said our vows, then straight to Philly to set up home.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to visit—I did, desperately—but Antoni always had an excuse for me not to go, like a work function or a charity dinner. Then he began to make excuses that he didn’t want to be separated from me, but work was far too busy for him to just take off.

Before I knew it, years had passed, and I hadn’t seen my girlfriends during any of them. If it wasn’t for Tristan making an effort to visit me, I probably wouldn’t have seen him either. That was when I started to recognize Antoni’s behavior for what it was.

Controlling.

I hadn’t noticed at the time. It had happened so gradually that I didn’t see the signs until one day, I woke up and realized I had no friends, and somehow, I was isolated from my found family back in Hambleton.

Antoni controlled everything. Our finances, our social life, and who I could and couldn’t mix with. I didn’t work, and I had no money of my own, which ultimately meant I had no means of escape. He even made ‘suggestions’ about the clothes I wore, down to the shade of lipstick he liked to see on me.

The day I woke up and began to look deeper was the same day I questioned my husband and subsequently, the day his mask began to slip.

I’d failed again. Another relationship was flushed down the toilet, leaving me with another broken heart and so many damned questions that my brain seized with them all, but at least this time, I’d been left with something else.

Something good and pure.

Something that meant I’d never be alone again.

My hand moved to gently stroke my belly, and I smiled.

“Umm,” a soft voice said nervously, pulling me away from my thoughts. “Here’s your lunch.”

I looked sideways and up, and my stomach jolted when I saw the redhead who’d been fawning over Hendrix standing beside the table with a tray. “Prez said you’re gluten intolerant, so I used the flatbread that Carina makes for one of the guys who’s the same way. She makes a big batch, then freezes it, so I know it’ll be fresh.” She motioned to the table with her chin, seeing as her hands were full. “May I?”

I finally found my voice again. “Of course. Umm. Thanks.”

She placed the tray down carefully on the table. “There’s also salad and pickles. Gambit told me to give you some of the Cheddar cheese his mom sends over from England. Can you believe it’s actually named after a place called Cheddar? If you mix it with that pickle there, it’ll melt in your mouth. I’d never had English cheese until I came here, and it’s really good.” She straightened from the table and stuck her hand out. “I’m Daisy. You’re Anna, right?”

I took her fingers and squeezed. “Yeah.”

She nodded, her gaze flicking nervously toward Tristan, then back to me before dropping my hand. “Umm. I just wanted to explain the scene from earlier... I mean, me and Hendrix... It’s not what it looked like... Umm, I’m just an affectionate person is all. Like, err, we’re just friends, and I’m sorry if it looked like something else. Hendrix was mad with me about it, and I didn’t want you to be mad with me too. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

She looked so awkward and nervous that my heart went out to her—not too much—I mean, she had been fucking the very man I always thought was my soulmate. But still, I felt a little bad for her, especially if Hendrix had ripped her a new asshole because of me.

“What Hendrix does isn’t my business,” I corrected. “You did nothing wrong.”

Her shoulders slumped, and a look of relief washed over her face. “Oh, thank God. I was worried there for a hot minute that he’d been seeing us both at the same time and that I’d have to hide it. We’ve been together a lot”—she gave me big eyes— “so I wasn’t looking forward to having to watch everything I said around you, especially with you being pregnant with his baby and all. I mean, I don’t want to upset you with my big mouth.”

“Hendrix isn’t the father,” I corrected gently.

Her eyes rounded again. “Oh. I’m sorry, I mean, it’s not really anything to do with me, but I just assumed...” Her voice trailed off. “All the girls assumed you were his baby momma, and that’s why you’re here.”

I glanced at Tristan, who was studying Daisy with his eyes narrowed. “I’m here visiting. I had some trouble with my husband, so I came to take a break and see Freya.”

“Oh,” she murmured. Her lips curved into a dazzling smile, and right then, I could see why Hendrix was drawn to her. She was pretty when she allowed herself to be. “I hope things get better with your husband, and if you ever need to talk, I’m your gal.”

My lips twitched at the irony. “Thanks.”

“Right.” She jerked her thumb toward the kitchen. “I gotta serve more food.” She nodded down at the tray. “Enjoy.” Then she turned on her heel and made her way back toward what I assumed was the kitchen area.

Tristan caught my eye and grimaced. “That was weird.”

I sighed. “I think the sooner we get out of here, the better.”

“Is it difficult for you?” he asked.

My eyebrows pulled together. “Is what difficult?”

He leaned forward and covered my hand with his. “Being confronted with other women your boy fucked.”

My heart sank. “It burns so bad I feel like I’m on fire, but I was married, and I didn’t abstain from sex either. I used to lie awake at night thinking about whose bed Hendrix was in, but all it ever did was torture me. He is who he is, and I got obliterated by him, so I moved on with somebody else. I could hardly expect him to stay celibate in loving memory of the wonderful times we shared.”

“Still don’t know how it happened, Banana.” He shrugged. “Especially since he still looks at you like you’re the only woman who exists for him. When you were together, you’d say something to make him laugh, and afterward, he seemed almost stunned, like he couldn’t fathom how you made him so happy. I saw you two as couple goals until he fucked everything up, which, incidentally, I’m still smarting about, seeing as I’m never usually wrong about that shit. I called it with all of ‘em. Meredith, Doe, Farrah, Wildcat, and Toots. So for fuck boy over there to make a liar out of me is damned embarrassing.”

My head cocked to one side. “Who’s Toots?”

“Maeve, my new BFF,” he explained. “You know, the little sweetheart I told you about who married Callum O’Shea last year... twice. Well, I’m her hairy godmother.”

“I thought I was your BFF,” I snapped, tone affronted.

He waved a nonchalant hand. “You left me for a Polish gangster. Suck it up, buttercup. You can be my OG BFF. Maeve’s my fresh meat.”

I burst out laughing. “How fickle can you be?”

He shrugged, his lips twitching with humor. “You know you’re my number one bitch, bitch. We’re family.”

A warm feeling settled in my belly. “Love you.”

“Love you too, babe.” He nodded toward the tray. Now, let’s eat. My stomach feels like my throat’s been cut. Much like your asshole of a dead husband.”

I winced. “Jesus, Tris. Have some respect for the dead.”

“Too soon?” he inquired casually, picking up a sandwich from the tray. “Sorry, but I can’t bring myself to give a shit about any asshole who hurts my girl.” He shrugged daintily before taking a huge bite.

“You’re incorrigible,” I grumbled, picking up the flatbread and stuffing it with cheese before taking a bite. “God, this is good.”

“Dunno how you can eat that shit,” he said through his sandwich. “Gluten-free bread tastes like carpet. In actual fact, gluten-free anything is the spawn of the Devil. It’s either soggy or has the texture of cardboard.”

“I agree,” I replied. “It’s why I don’t eat much bread and pasta. It’s not the same as the regular stuff, but this is really good. I’ll have to ask for the recipe.” I took another bite and almost groaned out loud. “Praise Jesus, I think I just discovered my first pregnancy craving.”

Tristan’s mouth hitched, and our gazes locked. “I’ve missed putting the world to rights with you. Hardly seen you for the last few years, then suddenly, the old gang’s back together, and your hubby’s deader than a dodo. It’s not lost on me how well you’re doing with all this. I know you loved him and that you’re putting a brave face on things.”

Tears prickled behind my eyes. “I miss who I thought he was,” I blurted out.

“Oh, babe,” Tristan murmured.

“After Hendrix, I gave up on everything; I lost faith. Then Toni came along and made me believe again. You saved me, Tris, but he did too, just in a different way. Then it turned bad, and I realized it wasn’t real. It was all an act. He lied about everything. What he did, who he was, and his intentions. How am I supposed to grieve a man who didn’t exist?”

“I’m so sorry,” he breathed.

“When he beat me, something changed inside,” I admitted. “It stopped being about him and became about me and my baby surviving. What happened to him did so because it had to. Antoni told me he’d never let me leave him and that he’d kill us all if I tried. I knew there was no choice. Also, it hasn’t hit me yet. Everything’s happened so fast and I’m sure it will catch up with me, and I’ll have a meltdown at some point, but at the moment, I just feel numb.”

“You’ve got a long road ahead,” Tristan pointed out. “But I’ll be there, and so will all the girls.”

I smiled at the thought of going home. “Can I stay at the apartment with you for a few weeks? I need to get back to work and save some money to set myself up again.”

“I wouldn’t let you go anywhere else,” he assured me. “I feel awful that I have your old apartment and the salon.”

“Don’t be silly, Tris. I’m having a baby; the apartment’s fine for a single person, but I want a house and a garden. I even want a dog.”

“As long as I can fit the dog in my bag, I’m down.” He grinned. “Now, answer me. Should I book us a couple of flights?”

My heart clenched so tightly that it almost took my breath away. My gaze slid over to Hendrix, who stood at the bar with his club brothers, laughing and shooting the shit.

He must have felt my eyes on him because his electric-eyed stare caught mine and locked.

So much regret pressed on my shoulders that it weighed me down.

Just a few years ago, that man was everything to me. How could everything get so messy in such a short time? And how could I have gotten everything so wrong?

I didn’t blame Hendrix for the mess my life was in, but still, all my bad decisions started with him.

Now they had to end with him too.

Maybe we could have made it work if we tried, but too much had happened, and he’d damaged me. It wasn’t just that I was pregnant with another man’s baby—though that was baggage enough—the fact was, I didn’t trust him. I’d had my big loves, and they’d all shredded me. I didn’t want to go through it again. The thought was unbearable.

I was so tired of fighting for a love that should have been easy. I refused to keep banging my head against a wall when it came to Hendrix.

He’d never change.

Decision made, I tore my eyes away from Hendrix’s beauty and back to Tristan’s hopeful expression. “Book the flights, honey,” I acquiesced. “It’s time to go home.”

————

That evening, Tristan had to make some calls and book our flights, so finding myself at a loose end, I decided to take a walk down to the river and watch the sunset.

I was familiar with Virginia, Maryland, and DC, even though I was born and raised in Charleston, which was about a day’s drive down the coast. My family had friends in Potomac, Arlington, and the capital, and we often used to visit, as well as attend galas and work events connected to my father’s various business and charity endeavors.

Charleston was a bustling city, especially in summer, and had a stunning beach and busy social scene. Arrowhead Point was just as beautiful but quieter. I’d had no time to visit the town, but Colt and Freya already explained it was bigger than Hambleton—though still pretty and quaint—but just a little too far away from the capital’s wealth and exclusivity to be classed as fashionable.

The trail was clear and easy to follow due to the hundreds of years’ worth of people who had walked it before me. The path sloped gently downward and was surrounded on either side by red maple, black oak, and ash trees, their branches stretching high and bowing to meet across the path to form a natural shield from the blistering heat of summer and the ice-cold wintry snow.

As I breathed in the warm spring air, perfumed with the scent of the wildflowers, I noticed the path widening into a clearing. My gaze caught on a well-maintained wooden mooring that loomed ahead of me, leading out to the sparkling blue water beyond, where a small cabin cruiser, a bowrider, and what appeared to be a Coast Guard’s Response boat bobbed on the current.

My breath caught in my throat at the picturesque sight. I made my way to a patch of grass, carefully lowering to the ground and leaning my back against a tree to study the peaceful water.

It reminded me of all the parts of Charleston I missed the most. I loved my home city, but after the breakdown of my marriage and the pressure the two families put on me to stay, I knew my only option was to leave.

Nobody in my family had ever been divorced. The Bouchards fought for everything, except I didn’t believe there was anything left to fight for. After I discovered my husband’s long-term affair (and all the short-term fleeting ones), just the thought of his touch made me nauseous.

How could I fight for that?

And how could I stay?

So, I left Charleston with a divorce settlement that would make most people’s eyes water and a healthy offer of spousal support that I could survive comfortably on for the rest of my life, but only with the condition that I went quietly, of course.

Having nothing in my life except money became old very quickly. I recognized that I needed something to fill my empty days, so I decided to do the only thing that had ever interested me—and incidentally, the one thing my parents had always looked down upon—and I applied to go to beauty school.

My old life had graced me with a few connections, so even though I’d had no experience, I was accepted at the Aveda Institute and was offered a placement at Denver. Five years later, after mastering every hair and beauty technique the Institute offered, including styling, cosmetology, esthiology, and even massage, and then gaining experience in various salons, I met Tristan at a trade show.

The instant we connected, it was like I’d known him all my life. We got to talking, and he told me about the salon in Hambleton where he worked. It had recently been put up for sale, but at the time, he couldn’t raise the funds to buy it.

The town sounded idyllic, and frankly, I had nothing in my life and nowhere to go.

So, I took a deep breath and a leap of faith.

It was in Hambleton I first saw Jameson ‘Hendrix’ Quinn and I couldn’t get him out of my head. I’d never thought of a man as beautiful before, but there was no other word for Hendrix.

The first time I saw him, he was riding his Harley Davidson down Main Street. He wore black jeans and a cut over his muscular, black wife-beater-covered chest. Thick, brawny arms were inked with a myriad of black and grey tattoos. His hair was long and fastened in a man bun, the dark strands lightened by the sun. Bright eyes caught mine as I watched him ride by me as I stood outside my salon, and he shot me a sexy smirk.

I think I fell head over heels there and then.

The second time I saw Hendrix, he came into the salon with his biker brother for a haircut. Bowie was trying to charm my receptionist, Layla, and used Hendrix to engineer a meet-cute.

I sat him in my chair and pushed down my nerves in a bid to be professional, trying to make small talk while I ran my hands through his soft, healthy hair.

Hendrix didn’t say much with his mouth that day, but he said everything with his eyes, and they tracked my every move. In those fifteen minutes, I went from a confident, professional woman to a bag of nerves. My fingers tremored—not good for a hairstylist—and my stomach flip-flopped so badly that I thought I was going to throw up.

By the time he left, I was a mess but fascinated by him all the same.

The next time I saw Hendrix, I’d been out with my friends, and one of them had their drink spiked with a date rape drug. As we were leaving the hospital, Hendrix pulled up on his motorcycle alongside his club president, Dagger Stone. Somehow, we got into it, and I gave him some of my snark, which, of course, made me think I’d blown any chance I had with him until the next time I saw him, about two months later, at a honkytonk bar just outside town. We talked for hours, and he showed me how much more there was to him than just muscles and tattoos.

That night, our conversation went deep, and he cast me under his spell so quickly and so completely that before the night was over, we ended up in bed together.

That was when I fell profoundly, passionately, head-over-heels in love with my beautiful Jameson ‘Hendrix’ Quinn, and it wasn’t just because he rocked my world that night. It was because he rocked the very foundations of my entire universe, and it had never shifted back into place.

Hendrix crept inside my soul like a thief in the night, stealing my heart and, later, my dignity. Nothing had been the same since. He’d changed me fundamentally, and the girl I was no longer resembled the shell of the woman I became when he left me.

Later, I tried to be a good wife but what I had with Antoni didn’t come close to what I had before. I knew within a month of getting married that we’d rushed into it, but still, I was determined to do my best and make it work. That may have been why I was so blind to Toni’s chess moves; I was desperate to do the right thing, and inevitably, I put up with more than I should have.

A twig snapped from somewhere behind me, and goose bumps ran down my arms. My belly clenched, and I knew Hendrix was there. That was the effect he had on me. It wasn’t just my emotions he affected; it was always physical too. Whenever he was close, my stomach flipped, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

“There’s no need to hide from me, Hendrix,” I called out softly. “I know you’re there, honey.”

“Wasn’t hidin’, woman,” his deep voice called back. “Was keeping guard.”

“From what?” I asked, craning my neck to try and catch sight of him, my heart exploding as he came sauntering out from the trees, looking like a dream in his jeans, tee, and leather cut, his hair gathered up in his signature man bun.

“Nothin’. Everythin’. I dunno, Freckles. Maybe I just wanted to watch you for a while. You seemed at peace.” He approached and nodded to the ground beside me. “This spot taken?”

My eyes lifted to meet his. “Be my guest.”

He dropped down onto his ass, situated dangerously close to me, and his eyes softened on mine as he muttered, “We gotta talk, baby.”

I wanted to scream no. My head was full of everything that had happened over the last few weeks. Hell, I was still trying to figure out how to feel about the night before.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered.

A pain shot through me, and I closed my eyes.

“Tell me what I can say or do to make it up to you,” he urged.

“Make it up to me?” I asked, my tone filled with confusion. “We haven’t been together for years. What the hell do you think you’re supposed to make up to me now?”

He clamped his mouth shut and turned to face the river.

“You don’t have to make anything up to me,” I continued. “It was okay to end a relationship that didn’t work for you. You don’t need to keep dragging it up; all it does is open old wounds, and I don’t want to be wounded anymore.”

“It did work for me,” he protested. “You know it did. Never met a woman like you before or since. It was just circumstances that made me leave town. I know it sounds cliché, but it wasn’t you. It was me.” He scraped a hand down his face and exhaled deeply.

I leaned sideways to gently shoulder-check him and breathed, “Liar.”

He hung his head. “It’s always been you, Anna.”

I rolled my lips together to stop myself from calling him a liar for a second time.

He talked the talk so well, but when it came to walking the walk, he was distinctly lacking.

We both knew why he left me. I came on too strong, and he didn’t know what to do with it. The final straw for him was when my period was late, and I told him that if he’d gotten me pregnant, I’d keep the baby whether he was in or not. It wasn’t a shock to him that I yearned to be a mother more than anything. He already knew because we’d talked about it in our heartfelt conversation on that fateful first night.

Hendrix stated that kids weren’t in his future, and at the time, it dug deep. He knew he was hurting me simply because I never hid my pain. But that was the person I’d always been. I didn’t want to play games or hide my feelings. It worked both ways because I gave him the good stuff too. Every day, I showed Hendrix how much I loved him because I wanted him to have that from me, even if we never said the words.

After the pregnancy scare, he pulled away from me. The only time I ever felt I owned a part of him was when we were in bed. Rumors began to spread that he was seeing other women and once, Tristan saw him with a woman in the parking lot of a bar in Mapletree.

Maybe that was why Antoni appealed to me so much. He was a breath of fresh air and seemed to be all in from the first time he sent me a drink over in a strange bar. I went from a closed book in Hendrix to Toni telling me on our third date how he intended to give me a ring and children and build a good life with me. I wouldn’t say it dazzled me, but it restored my faith in men along with my faith in love.

Until it didn’t.

“Penny for them?” Hendrix murmured, much the same as Tristan did earlier when he said the exact same thing to me, and it pissed me off because he was so sure I’d tell him what I was thinking, and I needed to shut that shit down. We’d been here before, time and again. He wanted me, he got me, then he got spooked and pushed me away. Rinse and repeat. Same shit, different day.

I twisted my head to face him.

Our eyes locked and his were filled with so much intensity I struggled to breathe. The ache in my stomach intensified, and a realization hit me.

Hendrix wasn’t done playing. He liked to keep me dangling on his puppet strings, and he loved controlling the narrative. All I ever did was love him, but all he ever did in return was play on my emotions. He was a decent man to everyone around him; he just wasn’t decent to me.

And it had to stop.

I felt sick to my core, literally. My stomach turned over with the stress of the past few weeks. I felt ill at the prospect of having to shut Hendrix down. It felt unnatural to me when he was so perfect in so many ways, just not perfect for me.

“My thoughts aren’t anything to do with you anymore, Jamie,” I told him firmly. “We’ve been on this merry-go-round before, honey. It didn’t work out for us then, and it won’t work now. I’m sorry.” He opened his mouth to argue, but I pressed a finger against his lips. “Let me finish.”

He stilled briefly, then nodded.

“You know the relationship I had with my momma?”

He nodded again.

I smiled self-deprecatingly. “Lord knows that woman didn’t give me much maternal advice, but she did tell me something once, and it stuck. She said if a man’s inconsistent, it’s because he cares about himself more than he cares about you. If he’s not investing in you, it’s because he thinks you’re not worth the investment. And most importantly, if he won’t commit, it’s because he’s waiting for the next best thing to come along, and you’re just a placeholder.” My fingers moved to cup his cheek, my eyes never leaving his beautiful blue ones. “I should have listened to my momma; it would have saved me a lot of heartache.” Covering his hand with mine, I slid it closer until it covered my aching belly. “There’s a baby in there. Do you get that?”

His eyes closed, and he jerked a solitary nod.

“You screw around, you break promises, you’re inconsistent, and you run from commitment. It’s one thing when it’s just me who has to deal with it, but it’s something else entirely when you do it to him. I can’t allow it.”

“I won’t do it to him,” he croaked. “I’ve regretted how I treated you for years, baby. You think I didn’t care, but I did. I cared too much. I let you go so you could have everything you wanted.”

My eyebrows pulled together at his words. “What are you talking about?”

“You wanted kids,” he muttered. “But I don’t... I mean, I...” His mouth opened and closed as if he was trying to find the words. “I know I hurt you, but it was the best thing I could’ve done for you at the time.”

My lips thinned frustratedly because he was speaking the words but not really saying anything. Hendrix was the master of evasion. “You’re talking in riddles. It’s what you always do, and I’m sick of it.”

A wave of nausea flowed through me, and my stomach contracted with a sharp pain.

Hendrix pulled his hand away as if he’d been burned. His eyes snapped downward, and he bit out, “What the fuck was that?”

A dull ache swept through me, followed by another shooting pain. My hand flew to my belly, and I doubled over, staring up at him. “Something’s wrong, Jamie. My stomach hurts.” A cramp clutched at my insides, and I let out an agonized moan. “Something’s wrong.”

“What is it?” he demanded, curling his fingers around my nape.

“I don’t know.” I grimaced at the cramping in my belly. “I started to feel off, and then the pain came out of nowhere.”

Hendrix pulled me into his arms bridal-style and carefully got to his feet, heading purposefully toward the footpath. “It’s okay, beautiful,” he murmured, planting a soft kiss on my hair. “I’ll get you sorted. Freya’s at the hotel. She’ll see you right.”

Another dull ache sliced through me, and tears filled my eyes. “What if it’s the baby?” I whispered, staring up at his face.

His mouth set in a determined line, and he glanced down at me. “Nothin’s gonna happen to our boy. Ya hear me?”

I heard him loud and clear, but the words didn’t register, and neither did the way he said ‘our boy’ with so much vehemence. The only thing flashing through my mind was one solitary question.

What if something was wrong with my son?

Oh God. Please no.

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” His arms tightened around me protectively. “You’re gonna be okay. Just hold on to me. I’ve got ya.” Possessiveness flashed across his face, and his jaw set determinedly.

If I’d been in my right mind, I would have heard the fear in his voice and felt the way he clutched me as if he was trying to physically hold me together. I would’ve tried to soothe away the worry in the lines of his forehead and press my hand against his racing heart, which was beating so hard that I could feel the thumping against my skin.

But at that moment, I didn’t have it in me to notice. Nothing mattered, not Hendrix, the past, the hurt, or the heartache. I didn’t give the first fuck about any of it.

Right then, the only thing that mattered was my baby.